Scarred
by Payton.Pride
Summary: Edward Elric was never the lucky one. He's fallen victim to abuse, for one. Sometimes he sees no point in living, so why not just end it? But a certain raven-haired boy in his grade is making that impossible. But how long will it take the new transfer student to find out what the blond hides under long sleeves? RoyEd Abuse!Ed Rated M AU
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own FMA and its beautiful wonderfulness! There will be yaoi in this, and it will be rated T just in case, **

**Age: I suggest being mature or at least 13/14**

**WARNING: Yaoi (boy X boy), abuse, depression, possible lemon later on, dark themes, and so on.**

**Edward Elric was never the lucky one. He's fallen victim to abuse, for one. Sometimes he sees no point in living, so why not just end it? But a certain raven-haired boy in his grade is making that impossible. But how long will it take the new transfer student to find out what the blond hides under long sleeves? RoyEd Abuse!Ed Rated T**

**This is the prologue, the other chapters will be longer, I assure you.**

**Prologue**

When Edward Elric was born, his mother died. The morning air was damp, tainting the dry walls of the bleach-white house with dew. The grass was starchy and dry despite the foggy and crisp winter air. At exactly four a.m. on February third, a golden-eyed boy was brought into the world.

The name he was given was Edward Elric, courtesy of his mother.

The woman was dying, that much was clear.

Van, the boy's father, was chugging down vodka then, unaware of how shallow his wife's breathing had become.

The room was tinted with an ominous feel of impending _death_.

That death came as soon as Edward let out his first cry.

The day of the funeral was quick and quiet. Pinako was present, some of Van's friends were there, and a few of Trisha's were, including her old high school teacher that went by the name of Izumi.

Van was handed her Will right after.

And boy, was he mad.

He gripped Baby Ed to his chest, the arm rattling with unadulterated rage that could only be soothed by heavy booze.

Ed was left in the custody of his father, Van Hohenheim, who had a nasty drinking habit. The man was cruel, and he got worse every passing day he wasn't with his beloved wife, Trisha.

The abuse started as soon as Edward could take a punch.

Ed was only two when that first punch came.

Sometimes the kid thought about just ending his life.

When Edward was only seven, he attempted suicide.

It failed... but that goes without saying.

Soon after, the child started trying. Again and again...

He was only ten.

Van continued to reign heavy banter over the child, doing everything he could to make the child just _end it, _but Edward always _always_ found a reason to live. He'd stop, knife at his wrist, ready to cut.

Somehow, he knew that it would only give the sick bastard pleasure to know he had such power over him.

That didn't stop Van from trying, though.

The man had sick ideals. He would starve the poor boy, and he would ruin all his life time and time again.

The day that Edward asked about his mother was the moment Van _really _snapped. At that moment, every ounce of pent-up malice and anger he felt toward the kid released all at once.

Ed was twelve the day he nearly died.

He had grown up too fast. Instead of hanging out with friends and learning how to play the newest video game, Ed was locked in his room, hoping, _praying_ to something he didn't believe in, that Van _wouldn't_ be drinking, _wouldn't_ be angry after coming home from work.

Home wasn't the right word though. His 'home' was more like a prison with no bars.

Once, he tried to run away. The attempt failed, and the police had brought him back on the second day of his escapade into the wide open world. In that time, he had _freedom_.

But when the police had brought him back, they kept saying he should've been _grateful__. "Van is a nice man," _they would say. _"You're the one that doesn't deserve him._"

His 'father' was nice in public. He always thought of his son before himself.

But as soon as he got home, hell would rein over his existence.

Ed's automail didn't help one bit.

When the golden-eyed boy was eleven he was caught in a fire caused by one of Van's cigars. It had been left unattended, so their home in Resembool was burnt to the ground, and the kid was equipped with two fake limbs.

It didn't help his situation at all.

Edward gave up on trying to make friends. They moved to Central, many, many miles away from what he was sure his mother had called home, and set up a newer lifestyle where they were completely secluded.

Ed would go to school, go back '_home_', how he really hated that word, and deal with the shit Van handed out to him.

He wished he had someone to talk to, but his existence was meaningless.

Ed took oxygen, but gave nothing to the world in return. No one liked him, he could see it as plain as day. Winry was the only friend he ever had, but she was in Resembool, just like the charred rubble of their home.

He would never again see the rolling pastures, the green light that seemingly bounced off the grass, or the rivers and lakes that resided by old and worn picket fences. All of it was a distant memory from long, long ago.

Van would continue to abuse the boy, and everyone around their quaint little abode would go by, oblivious to the cruel man residing there with his poor 'son'.

Everything changed the moment Roy Mustang took his first steps into Central.

He looked back at his friends. "This is it, Riza, Maes." He breathed in the crisp air.

The blonde fifteen-year-old looked at Maes and then back at Roy. "I guess your right." She said, pulling out a crinkled map.

Riza continued quietly. "It looks like our apartment is somewhere over here," she began walking, looking around idly as she went.

The boys followed her, hoping she had a better sense of direction than them. She smiled triumphantly twenty minutes later, her gaze falling on to a grey apartment complex. "Here it is."  
Roy looked at the house right next to it; a simple sky blue. What caught him off guard was the boy sitting out front.

He had golden hair.

When the unknown boy lifted his eyes to meet Roy's, he saw a nasty bruise marring the kid's-who looked about his age-face.

Gold, no, more like deep amber eyes.

Roy tore his eyes away and looked back at Maes, who was grinning all too-knowingly at him.

"Well, let's get settled in!"

_That bruise_, he thought, shaking his head.

Something must've hit him really hard for him to get that. Roy frowned. Since when did he care about _people?_

Maes chuckled. "Come on, Roy-Boy, school starts tomorrow!"

**Review? Tell me what you think! If I get some reviews that tell me people actually want to read more, I'l get an update in a day or two, if not then *shrug* please tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I was so happy that people actually ****_like_**** my idea so far! T^T Seriously, it made me fur reallsies happy X) Okay.**

**My hands hurt, writing this was an official pain, but I enjoyed it anyway.**

**PAYTON SAYS: I DUNNN OWN FMA!**

**Enjoy and stuff! You'll notice I call Hohenheim Van, his name is too long! And I switch from Ed to Edward a lot. *Warning there* Al isn't here, I'm sorry *^* But he might be a character... *shrug***

**The Place He Calls Hell**

The sound of the school bell broke Ed out of his musings. Frowning at the clock, he stuffed his history book into his backpack and stood up with a sigh. He was sure that van had been drinking, when he left for school, the house had already smelt like alcohol and cigarette smoke.

Ed knew he had to tread cautiously, because if he took one step out of line, he would be punished. _Again_. And only a week into the school year, he couldn't afford to be absent another _whole_ day.

From the start of the school year, Van's beatings had gotten aggressively worse, in more ways than one. Ed's mind was at a constant war with itself, he didn't want to submit to his 'father's' torture and believe what he would say about him, but Ed felt like he had no other choice.

And worst of all, Ed completely believed he was the one responsible for his mother's death. _If he had never been born_, Van had said. _If he had never existed_.

The newest bruises that had been inflicted were sore and scabbed, littering his chest and back. _So no one can see__, _Van had _also_ said.

The blond yawned, wincing as stinging coursed through his most likely broken ribs and black-and-blue stomach. Trying not to show his limp, he took two small steps before he collided with a solid body in front of him.

"Oh, sorry," the person mumbled. Ed looked up, ready to frantically apologize, only to see _really_ dark blue eyes, to the point of where they looked black.

It was the transfer student from East City.

"Oh, i-it's fine," Ed whispered, trying to weave behind the boy, "I u-uh g-gotta go." Speaking in public made Ed nervous, his stuttering got the best of him when he was being confronted, so he tried to swallow his embarrassing fear and waited for the teen to move aside.

The transfer student raised an eyebrow and blocked Ed's way. "I'm Roy."

Ed looked down at the now outstretched hand and shook it tentatively with his flesh one, making it a point to pull down his sleeves when they hitched over his gloves, nearly showing his arms. And they were _not_ a pretty sight, so Ed kept them well hidden like he was taught all of his life. "Edward," he replied, "but you can call me Ed..."

Two more people joined the conversation, both coming out from behind Roy.

"Hey! Roy-Boy!" The one with glasses and pigment-green eyes grinned lopsidedly and flung his arm around his friend's neck. The other, a girl with long blonde hair, gave a short and contemplative snort, like she was deciding between killing the two or granting mercy. She decided on the latter, protestant and sighing at her own decision.

The bespectacled man smirked. "Got a new friend, Roy?"

The raven-haired teen gestured over to Edward. "Maes, this is Edward. Edward, this is Maes," he then pointed over to the blonde with a short shiver. "And this scary blonde over here is Riza..."

_Riza_ gave him an even glare as an answer, and he shivered again.

'Hawkeye' looked at Maes pensively. "We need to get going."

The sly teen took one look at his watch and grinned like a fool once more. "Oh look, you're _right_!" He turned to look at Roy's new 'friend'. "Edward, be sure to return Roy back to us _safe_ and _sound_." They were gone right after, the squeaking of their military-like boots still ringing in the halls like a mantra. Maes snickered as he looked over at Riza. It was no secret that Roy was _gay_.

And just like that, the transfer student and Edward were alone in the empty classroom.

T^T^T^T^T^T

Roy couldn't believe Maes and his nerve. He was alone, with Edward, the boy he had seen during his first day in smoggy Central.

Awkward silence clouded the air, Roy glancing at Ed every so often to see that the kid was still doing that _thing_ with his sleeves, tugging them down as if to hide his arms. Ed shifted on his feet and squirmed under the thoughtful gaze of Roy Mustang before trying to meet his eyes. It failed and he cast his head to the ground once more. Roy thought this was strange, but didn't think much of it.

The kid was shy, so what?

"So," he drawled lazily, "want to walk home together?"  
"Huh?" Edward was confused, his eyes shining with curiosity.

"Your house. Isn't it that one right by the big gray apartment complex?"

"How'd you know that?" Roy was a bit shocked when Ed had said that. He sounded _afraid _that someone actually knew where he lived.

Roy explained quickly, "My friends and I live in that. We moved here because... well, never mind. But we live on the third floor."  
"Ah," Ed nodded, dread filling his veins at rapid speed.

The taller of the two then held open the classroom door for the shortest. "After you."

Ed looked somewhat nervous as stared at the open door. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Roy smirked. What a cute kid.

His classmate skirted around him and crept out of the room, nearly bolting when he was out in the open, Ed had to stop himself. He was still suspicious of the guy. Why would Roy suddenly want to talk to _him _of all people? He had girls making googly-eyes at him from every angle, so why did he talk to the _loser?_

Ed fidgeted outside, waiting for Roy to get his backpack from the room with unease. Ed contemplated making a run for it, he didn't trust Roy one bit. And he knew that if he did, then he'd just get hurt in the end like always. He gave in and tried to stay as still as possible. Ten minutes wouldn't hurt him, and it wouldn't hurt Roy. After two minutes of weighing his options, he was shaken from his thoughts when a gentle hand was laid on his shoulder.

Ed panicked. Hands reminded him of Van. And Van reminded him of hurt, pain, _anguish. _He jumped, startled, his eyes darting around frantically. Finally, they rested on Roy, whose face was creased with worry. His eyebrows were knitted, his eyes trained on him steadily, jaw clenching with wonder as he watched the strange teen before him.

"Something wrong?"

Ed shook his head. "N-no. No-nothing at all."

Roy shrugged, leading the way down the concrete sidewalk with ease. He noticed briefly that Ed was covering up his limp, hardly making it noticeable.

Once again, Roy ignored the obvious signs that something was _terribly_ wrong. "Sorry about back in the classroom, Riza and Maes can be a bit..." he searched for the right word, "pushy."

"N-no it-it's no trouble. Not at all," Ed stuttered out, tugging at his sleeves again. Roy eyed him acutely for another moment or two. The red coat over his shoulders looked too boisterous for his withdrawn attitude, his leather pants hugging his legs tightly to show how skinny and thin he actually _was_. They fell into a comfortable silence, neither daring to break it.

The two walked side by side through the crisp fall air. Roy kept keeping tabs on what he was doing, reading his movements and calculating his actions wearily.

He dragged his attention back to his face. Ed _still _wasn't looking at him. Like he was _afraid _to.

"Goodbye, Roy." Only then did Roy realize they had stopped, he in front of the complex and Ed ten feet away in front of his own. Over the slight breeze and rolling leaves, he almost didn't hear him. Roy found his voice, though it sounded disappointed. "See you tomorrow..."

He got no response as Edward began to drag himself to the front door of his home, an eerie fear rolling off of him in waves. Roy felt as pity gripped his heart, but he pushed it away.

He didn't give _pity_. Not even to the people he was_ infatuated _with.

Maes would have many, many questions when he got back to room 15.

T^T^T^T^T^T

Edward's heart was thumping out of his chest. Even from feet away, he could smell the heavy and dank scent of booze wafting from one of the open windows at the front of the house.

By the smell of it, Van was home, and he was _not_ happy.

Ed took a shaky breath before steeling himself and pushing back the tears already pricking at his eyes. He was hoping that Van would be out working before he got home so he could lock himself in his room.

But Ed never was the lucky type.

Opening the door, he watched it sail open, creaking on the rusty hinges like a horror movie would portray. It thumped into the wall and stopped.

At that moment, everything was still and silent.

The quiet betrayed itself and a slurred voice hollered "Are ya here, Edward? Get your ass over here before I-" there was a hiccup and then a growl. In the split second of hesitation Edward had, Van shouted, "Get over here, NOW!"

Ed scurried to the living-room, his eyes widening as he saw his 'father' on the couch, a frown marring his already ugly face.

"Here, boy."

Ed kept his head down. "Yes sir."

He walked solemnly to the couch, hoping, praying. It was unanswered as a sloppy but strong punch was given to his stomach. "Go 'et me some beer out of the fridge!"

Ed didn't move, so Van shouted again. "NOW!"

"Yes sir." He ran from the room, cradling his stomach weakly as he opened the fridge door, taking a beer, he rushed back into the living-room.

Van studied him, his eyes squinted and his face impassive for a moment. "Stupid kid!"

He stood up, and Ed, being as frightened as he was, dropped the beer. It was sent to the ground, shards spitting everywhere as they crashed. ed looked at it, dumbstruck, before backing away.

"Why you-"

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" Ed's hands trembled as Van came closer.

"YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS SHIT HEAD!" Van was brutally assaulting his child, kicking, punching, choking. Ed reached weakly in the direction of the staircase. He needed to live, he needed to live.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! IF YOU HADN'T BEEN _BORN_ SHE WOULD STILL BE HERE!"

"Forgive me, forgive me, just stop!"

Van was shaking with rage, he wanted the look-alike child to _die_.

He stopped though, knowing vaguely he might have gone too far. He stepped away from his son and gruffly snorted. "Make me dinner and go to your room."

Edward had no choice but to comply.

**I AM SO MEAN! Ahhhhh I can't believe I removed Al and made Van abusive! Of course it's OOC, but quite frankly, I don't give a damn.**

**Review!  
Sayonara~  
Payton**


	3. Chapter 3

**This story is dedicated to my BSFF, Half Demon Alchemist. You should really check her out, her RoyEd stories are amaziiinnnnggg! Ahmahgawd. I'm updating so quickly because of her and this story is kind of like a gift, so yeah. Enjoy it? Review, it makes me happy, for realsies...X3**

**I don't own FMA**

**Chapter Three**

Edward had to haul himself off of the ground, using his shaking arms as support, he tilted his head to the ground and let blood glide through his hair and to the boarded floor. He was afraid the bastard would _hit him on the head_. This was the result, Edward was almost completely sure he had a concussion. All he had to do was touch his temple and-

He winced and bit his cheek. He would _not_ scream. He would _not_. Ed let out nothing more than choked sob and was on his feet, using the wall for support, not even paying any mind the glass digging into his heels.

Going to school was a big no, and he was fine with that. Ed also forgot about making Van dinner. The prospect was far out of his mind at that moment.

Being away from the assholes in his grade felt great. He'd be able to give his undivided attention to his seclusion. He was already failing his classes even though he was a genius, so he also so no point in doing his homework.

Carefully opening his bedroom door, he closed it behind him and locked it, sliding in place to meet the cold floor underneath him.

Ed put his head in his hands, the mismatched limbs both stained with crimson and beer, the gloves forever stained a murky yellowish-orange. He took them off, flung them aside, and buried his head to his knees again. Taking another breath, Ed listened to his heartbeat. It wouldn't calm and wouldn't settle, the shaky beat thumped wildly inside of his chest.

Sighing, Ed knew he had to get cleaned up.

He stood and wobbled towards his bathroom, the cracked and peeling door swung open with little effort, and he was able to step inside of the small and secluded space. Ed looked from the sink to the standing shower, staggering to toilet, he perched himself on top of it. Ed looked at his hands, which made a move to pull up the hem of his shirt.

He winced as his automail unintentionally dug into his ribs. Ed poked at them experimentally, flinching as he did so.

Broken.

Definitely broken. At least two on his right side were, along with one on his left. Ed sighed. His day was just getting _better_ and _better_.

His breath hitched as he tentatively touched his bleeding head again. At least he hadn't passed out, that was a good sign. Ed pulled his boots off, flinging them into his bedroom, followed by his pants and boxers.

The scalding water of his small shower ravished his skin, each pin-prick sending tingles up Ed's spine. He sighed into his hands.

An hour passed with him just standing under the spray. Only after his skin was raw and pink did he notice he'd just been lax under the shower-head, his wounds turning nasty purples and browns, the water no longer tainted with blood.

Ed turned the shower off abruptly.

He contemplated the matter with himself... Get out of the shower? Stay in the warm fog of mist? He decided on the latter, waiting in the warm confinement of the curtain-closed shower for minutes on end until he decided to get out.

Before he could step out himself, he felt a hand break through the curtain. Ed cursed, scuttling back with such panic that his breath had already quickened into hyperventilation. Van pushed away the veil, staring, drunk, at his son.

Ed's eyes widened. He knew what Van wanted.

He didn't want to... He didn't... Ed didn't wish for it at all.

He was dragged by the wrist, lips brutally smashing onto his, the dank smell of alcohol flooded his nose and made him gag, but Van didn't relent, and succeeded in pressing his body closer to his unwilling son's. It was rough, hateful, and strained.

Ed knew if Van was sober, he wouldn't of tried anything. He's hit him and that would be that.  
But _this_.

_This_ was true hell. When Van imagined Ed being Trisha, and replaced her company with his. Ed tried shrinking back, whimpering.

Van had none of it, gripping the back of Ed's head and forcing it closer. Ed wanted to die. Nothing was worse than the pain, humiliation, and shame of being abused like this.

The young and defenseless teen tried to disappear into the nothingness. He was weak, he wouldn't be able to go to school for a _week_, maybe more, if Van did _that_ to him. The pulsing in his skull doubled into a sharp pain.

He whimpered and recoiled into himself. Van let go for a quick breath. "Please... stop... don't..."

Hot tears threatened to spill over. They stung at the corners and made his sight blurry and unfocused. Ed tried his best to stay on his goal of getting away, using his burning arms to push at Van's chest.

His 'father' growled, clawing and digging into Ed's neck. "Stay still!"

The younger almost submitted into the whims of the brutal man before him, but gulping, he scooted to the back of the shower, his naked back digging into a razor that laid discarded. He looked like a cornered animal, shying away from the prying gaze of Van. Finally, the older stopped his advances and backed away slowly. A small shimmer of guilt shone in Van's eyes before it was replaced by cold disgust.

"Get your ass in bed... Ya hav' school tomoro', dontcha'?"  
"I... c-can't tom-tomorrow, sir... I-" Ed was choking over sobs and stumbling over his words.

"Yur goin'," Van replied horsely, garing venomously at his child. "I'm not lettin' yer slack off..." He slurred, backing from the shower and exiting into Ed's bedroom. "You better be goin' tomorrow..." His gaze turned cold and vicious. "Or else."

And that left no room for arguing.

"Y-yes sir."

That was that.

Ed was left in the empty shower, cold air streaming in from cracked curtains, disgust in himself making him shutter with uncontrollable sobs. He was filthy.

Utterly alone and filthy.

* * *

Roy opened his apartment door, craning his neck to look for a familiar face. Maes popped out from his room, a flamboyant smile permeating his face. "Roy-Boy!" He cooed. "I thought you'd be gone longer... Doing it behind the gym or something."  
The raven-haired man ducked his head when blush dusted his cheeks. "Dammit Maes, I don't fuck people just because I'm in the mood!"

Riza walked from the kitchen, a frying pan in her hand threateningly. "Yeah you do."  
Maes grinned like an idiot, his smile stretching too far for a normal human being.

"That's a fact."

Roy pushed past his friends and raked a hand through his hair. "You two are to persistent. What if I'm _not_ gay?"

"You are," assured Riza. "I think that it's a proven fact."

He ducked his head again. "Maes! Back me up here!"

The bespectacled boy pushed the rim of his glasses. "No can do. You have a thing for Edward, and I can see it in your eyes, Roy. I can _see it in your_ _eyes_."

Roy shook his head.

Sometimes his friends could be complete lunatics.

* * *

Ed gulped for air, his nightmare still fresh in his mind like he had just witnessed it. When he had gotten his automail at the age of ten it had all began, those days plagued his dreams and nightmares like phantoms of the past.

He got up, ignoring the dread pooling in his stomach, and sighed. It was going to be a long day, and he could tell.

Van was yelling at him from downstairs, the shouting reverberating off the walls like a sick, twisted melody. Birds were harmonizing outside of his window without a care in the world, oblivious to Ed's problems and hatred. He arched his back and tried to get the shouting buzz from his ears, but to no avail.

He was heading to hell.


	4. Chapter 4

**Enjoy, my friends! I don'town FMA, and never will... sigh. This must be a bit awkward to read, I am reallly, trully sorry XD Or not.**

**Chapter Four**

Ed took his backpack and slung it over his shoulder weakly. He felt so tired, so broken, that it took all of his energy to keep himself from collapsing. Every muscle in his aching body was screaming with protest, everything still swimming in front of his eyes like a movie with bad graphics.

He tried to ignore Van as he left the house, but his screeching followed him out the door.

Frowning, Ed looked at the sky, which was heavy and overcast. It was going to rain, and the cold burned his automail ports like a frigid fire.

He took two steps away from his house before bumping into someone and falling flat on his butt. He muttered obscenities, ready to glare at whoever 'pushed' him. Ed looked up to see Roy, and he flinched involuntarily The guy was so _tall_. And Ed felt so _small_ compared to him.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Roy stretched his hand out to Ed, ready to help him up, but the golden-haired teen refused it and stood stubbornly, wincing as he did so.

Roy's heart thudded when he saw Ed clutch his back in pain. "Ed, I'm sorry, did I really hurt you that much?"  
Ed put a mask of simplicity on his face, unwillingly hiding his eyes with his bangs as he hitched his backpack further up his shoulder and turned away.

"I'm f-f-fine. Don't worry about it." Ed kept walking, Roy jogging to catch up.

"Mind if I join you?"

Ed thought for a moment. "Not at all." Truthfully, he didn't want Roy anywhere in his vicinity. Friends meant danger, and danger meant beatings far more severe than that usually inflicted upon him. He settled for being as quiet as he could.

Roy, however, tried to nit-pick through the awkward silence for a conversational topic.

"So Ed, how have you been doing?"

The teen clad in red felt his skin prickle with alert tension. _What if he already knows_? Ed banished that thought as soon as it came. He'd make sure no one ever found out. No one could save Ed. He was a monster that deserved to be punished, right? Taking preliminary cation, he made sure to act as normally as possible.

"I've been doing a-a-alright." The word got lodged in his throat, and saying it made him feel like he was about to throw up.

"That's good," Roy commented, idly tugging his messenger bag into a more comfortable position.

They were at a stalemate for a few minutes, each staying in their respectable quiet and not bothered to break it with trivial things, until finally, the school was in view. Ed almost sighed. Partially because he was itching to be alone and partly because he was too torn between leaving and staying with Roy that is was eating him from the inside out.

The teen parted from Ed, giving him a weak salute-type of good-bye. "See you in class."

Ed hoped that wasn't the case, though he knew there was no evading the inevitable. All of his periods were the same as Roy's, and that meant he couldn't put off ignoring Roy for long.

Never before had someone tried being friends with Ed. It was new to him, and he hating things that were unfamiliar. Making the trip to his locker, he let his limp show, knowing no one would be around him to notice.

He then made his way to his homeroom, tormenting calls following in his wake.

* * *

Roy made his way into his homeroom, late, like always. He saw no point in his 'first class', so he rarely went to it in general. One that very day, though, he had a pretty legit reason.

And that reason was now slumped over his desk, a few pestering teens prodding him from behind.

Roy felt a surge of anger as his eyes flitted over their teacher, Mr. Kimblee, who didn't seem to notice how his student was getting harassed, but had his own eyes transfixed on his computer. The peeved teenager made his way to Ed, glaring hatefully at the students pestering his neighbor.

Once he was in ear-shot of them, he listened in. "Do you have suicide plans yet, loser?"

Ed glared weakly, scribbled something on his page, and turned his head away.

"Fucking die in a hole, you fag."

"Homo!"

Roy tried to calm his breathing as he got closer to the teens. One of them had green hair. The kid was named Envy, the other was a weirdo who called himself Bald. Roy pushed through, his breath coming in heavy and frustrated puffs. How _dare_ they bully Ed? He didn't do _anything_ to him!

Maes and Riza beat him to the far table in the back, pushing the two away. Riza squared her shoulders, her intimidating gaze burning holes through Envy. "Just _what_ were you two doing?"

Bald chuckled. "Fuck you, Hawkeye, this is between us and the pipsqueak. This is _none_ of your business."

Maes smirked, pushing his glasses up. "It is our business. He's our _friend_. And I don't take too kindly to people who bully my friends." Ed looked up, startled.

Riza nodded, Roy stopping in his tracks next to Ed. "Yeah. Edward's a nice person, and he doesn't deserve to be bullied by two pricks like yourselves."

Bald sneered and turned away, Envy simmering. The palm-tree scoffed. "Hell! Fuck you all!"

Maes looked satisfied, glancing back at Edward, he smiled. "You alright there?"

Edward's eyes widened when he realized he was being talked to. "Uh, yeah... t-thanks." He spluttered out, ot trusting his voice.

Roy glanced around, glad they hadn't caught any attention. The class was an uproar of shouting and yelling, so no one spared their 'fight' a second glance. He took note of the empty desk beside Ed's and plopped down, choosing to ignore the shocked expression the golden-haired boy was wearing.

* * *

Lunch came quickly for Roy as he exited his fourth period class with Mr. Tucker, his creepy bio teacher. Shivering, he thought about the bespectacled with the orange-ish hair. The man was a full-on pedo, no questions asked.

At one point, Roy was sure he was about to touch Riza, but she shot him such a scary glare that he fell back into his desk chair.

Maes laughed at the retell of the story as he pushed open the cafeteria doors. He scanned his eyes across the masses and frowned.

"What?" Roy asked, not liking he look on his best friend's face.

Maes motioned his head to a nearly empty table in the back corner. "Edward," he said simply. The teen was alone at the table, the ones around it also deserted. Riza strutted by with her usual confidence, a paper bag in one hand, her messenger bag in the other.

She plopped down next to their newest friend, the two behind her following suit.

"Hey Ed." She said.

He glanced up briefly. "Oh, u-uh h-hey."

Maes grinned, fishing through his forest green backpack for his lunch. Ed looked at it enviously, his stomach sluggishly growling. When had he last eaten? Ed didn't even know the answer to that question, his injuries still hurt like hell.

Riza noticed his staring and held out an apple for him. "Want it?"

"N-n-no... I couldn't..."

"Nonsense." Riza shoved it in his gloved hands and picked her sandwich from the paper bag.

Maes looked on at Ed with a calculating gaze, his eyes working to unscramble the puzzle that was the mysterious Elric. Thirty minutes later, the bell rang, and Ed dismissed himself.

Roy was tugged to the side by Maes, "Roy... Something's wrong with him."

His friend looked at him, confused. He quickly elaborated. "I want you to keep an eye on him. We all will... I have my suspicions Roy, and they aren't too pretty."

"Alright."  
And that was that.

They left the cafeteria, silently wondering what could have been wrong in Edward's life.


	5. Chapter 5

**Whaaat? Update so soon? Oh yeah, that's the doing of my BSFF and SEAGG friend. Love ya, Daughter! I don't own fma, that is self-explanatory. **

**Chapter Five**

Six period rolled around in a mundane way, Roy counting the seconds that ticked by in sick boredom. He wanted _out_. He wanted to see Ed.

Yes, Roy Mustang could care for someone.

He didn't know if it was just some sort of adolescent infatuation or some sort of obsession, maybe it was a combination of both, or something different entirely.

Roy was skilled in the art of mania. He was like a predator, enraptured in his pray. No teenage girl was his style, and neither was any boy. Only then did he feel a nagging pinch of worry in his stomach and behind his eyes.

Their teacher, Mr. Bradely, was teaching politics, and doing a bad job at it too. He went into a rant about world domination, and that was about the time that Roy stopped listening.

His eyes flitted over to Ed, who had his head in a book. Roy smiled as he took out a sketchbook and started drawing. What, he didn't know.

Ed's pained eyes came up, their sights locking. Roy tried smiling, but the blond shied away from his gaze and took a liking to studying the tiled floor.

Roy was angry to hear all the insults that were thrown the boy's way.

The bell rang and Ed was out of the classroom before he could even register the sound of the chiming.

He sighed, gathered his books, and left with Maes and Riza following close behind. Riza prodded him with her elbow. "You go walk with Ed," she said with a suggestive wink. "Just to make sure he gets _home_ safely."

Roy nodded, slipping past his classmates as quickly as he could, and made a run off into the general direction of the lockers, hoping to see Edward on his way. There was no golden hair or boisterous red jacket, only the mixed colors of the crowd. He pushed through them, making his way to the front gates of the school.

He took a turn and made his way down the spindly row of cars, turning to the busy main-streets, he took a shortcut and sprinted. Maybe if he was quick enough, he'd make it _just_ in time to see Ed.

Trees crossed his line of vision.

Roy pumped his legs faster, his mind reeling. He wanted to see Ed. He _wanted_ to.

And he couldn't figure out why.

He let his confusion and fear be known as he yelled out and called Ed from the top of his lungs.

* * *

Ed tried walking as fast as he could. He really did.

But as he stopped in front of his door and fumbled to unlock it, he heard someone call his name. Ed tried ignoring it, dismissing it like some sort of hallucination. But he couldn't. He wasn't imagining his name being called by none other than Roy Mustang.

"EDWARD!"

Ed looked back to see Roy and all of his glory, barreling towards him with unmatched speed, like a ricocheting bullet.

The taller panted to a stop and watched Ed for a reaction. When he finally got it, he wasn't pleased at all.

"What are you _doing _here?" Ed hissed in dismay.

Roy's eyebrows knitted together. "Why am I _here_? I just wanted to say hello-"

"Go away!" Ed said frantically, his eyes widening ever so quickly as he heard banging from the other side of the door. Van wasn't, but he sounded _angry_.

"So you're just going to be an ass?" Roy growled, hunching his shoulders up like an enraged cat. He paused and searched Ed's face for some sort of joke. _No one _ever said _no_ to Roy Mustang.

"Just go away!"

"Not until you tell me why you're being a fucking jerk!"

"Go away Roy, please!" Ed tried to open the door. "Quick! PLEASE ROY! LEAVE RIGHT NOW!"

"Fuck you, Ed! I don't want to be your fucking friend if this is how you're going to act!" Roy sneered, leaning forward to be eye-level with Ed. He shrunk back, whimpering, his hands going up in defense.

He backpedaled. Why was Ed showing such a harsh reaction to his words?

"Please Roy, if you care about me, I need you to leave!"

Roy spun on his heels and walked to the apartment complex, a flurry of questions invading his mind.

He failed to notice Ed was being roughly pulled inside the sky-blue home by his wrist.

* * *

Maes frowned. "What happened Roy-Boy? Ed rejected you?"

Roy went through the gist of his conversation with the blond and told Maes about it. The teen took off his glasses in one swift motion, wiped them off on his short, and pushed them back up on to the bridge of his nose.

"Roy," Maes said, going serious, "Have you ever thought about _why_ Edward was telling you those things? We've only really paid attention to him for two days! Don't get all butt-hurt just because-"

"He was _scared_, Maes. I saw _something _ in his yes, and I got so freaked out that I pretty much just went and _yelled at him_!" Roy's nails-though short-bit into his palms, sweaty from being clamped down on so long.

Riza walked in to the conversation with womanly advice, "How about _apologizing_?"

"Haven't you ever heard the saying that men fight first and talk later?" Roy asked, heaving a laden sigh.

"You just made that up," Riza commented, picking up some trash on the floor, "No. You have to _apologize_. We just became friends with Edward, and trust is the building block of true friendship."  
Maes grinned and put his feet up on the coffee table before him. "True that, Roy. Maybe you should listen to Riza for once. She's _smart_."

"Feet of the table, Maes." Riza glared cold, hot daggers at Maes. His feet went down instantly.

The regret pooling in Roy's stomach increased as he looked at his feet. He had _yelled_ at Edward. If he could just describe the tightening in his chest when he thought of that, then maybe he could've identified _why_ it hurt him so much that he'd done such a thing.

He made a silent vow to apologize on Thursday, which was only a day away.

* * *

Ed was scared witless. Never had Van been so _violent_.

"Who was that, huh?" Van's sober tone was murderous and laced with malicious intentions.

"A f-f-f-friend," Ed squeaked out, ready for the slap when it came.

Van pulled him up by the hair. "You don't _have_ friends," he sneered. "Friends are for good children. Good _people. You are bad._" A rough fist collided with his side, jerking him back with the sheer force of it. "You're good-for-nothing. A worthless half-metal freak who _can't do anything right_."

Edward wanted Roy to save him. He wanted to have his hand stretched out in comfort. He wanted a shoulder to cry on.

All he got was the cold glare Van gave him and another punch to the ribs.

"Worthless." Van smirked.

"Garbage." Van took a switchblade from the mantle of the nearby fireplace and flicked the sharp edge into place. "Nobody will ever love you. You're a _murderer_."

Ed didn't want to believe it. But the facts were all laid out in front of him. His mother was gone because of him. Because of _him_.

"So who is that guy I saw outside?"

"N-n-no one."

"_No one, what_?"

"N-n-no one, s-sir." Edward flinched, his arms going to protect his head as another hit came to his shoulder.

"Just kill yourself, boy. No one would give a _damn_ about your passing. Do us all a _favor_, you asshole!"

Ed shook himself free of Van-the _monster's_-grip. "Go to your room!" Van shouted.

Ed meekly responded with a 'yessir'.

He climbed the stairs and opened his door.

Falling face-first on to his bed, he started sobbing into his pillow. Not because of what Van had did, but because Roy had hurt him in a way he couldn't explain. He had already started thinking of him as a friend. Apparently, it could never become a reality.

Ed was a monster.

He was a murderer.

He didn't deserve friends.

Edward's shoulders shook with every shuddering sob that racked through his diaphragm. He contemplated getting up to dress his wounds, but he thought against it.

He wasn't going to school tomorrow, no matter what.

Nobody there mattered, and the same could go for him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Awww my amazing reviews make me so happy! I'll answer your questions now in this chapter, or at least I hope I will... Please enjoy the errr show, and be sure to review! DEDICATED TO MY DAUGHTER. No, she's not my daughter for realllllll, she's metaphorically my daughter. Enjoy people! Really! My little mind worked hard to make this for you people.**

**I DONNNN OWN FMA**

**Chapter Six**

Roy had a hard time sleeping that night. The reason came from the fact he couldn't get a certain blond out of his head. Edward did a great job of worming into his thoughts, but he wouldn't get out of them either. He pressed his thumbs to his eyes... The thoughts wouldn't go away, most of the images floating about being of Edward's hurt expression when he had yelled at him.

Sighing, Roy gave up on sleep, standing up to not wake the other occupant of his room, he tip-toed into the kitchen.

He put his hands over his face and groaned. It may have been because he was sleep-deprived, but he swore he could _see_ Ed's hurt golden eyes every time he blinked, and it was _not_ a pretty sight. They bore into his fucking soul!

Slamming his forehead repeatedly on the sink, he fumbled for the handle, turning the faucet on quickly. He splashed his face with the chilled water in hopes that it would wake him up.

It did that and more.

As he began to feel more aware, Roy was starting to register _what_ he had said to Ed. "What kind of fucking jerk _am _I?"

'A big one,' a helpful voice in his head quipped.

For a few seconds he just stood there, the water pouring from the sink faucet being the only sound. Roy knew his sleep would anything but restful, so he glanced at the clock and sighed. It was about six.

He shuffled to his Keurig (I love mine sooo much) and popped in a K Cup. Trying to sleep would be an effort in vain. He just felt too damn guilty.

Grabbing his now full cup of black coffee, he meandered to the short black armchairs by the t.v. and sat down with a groan of protest.

They had their P.E. period today, and he had to buy a new uniform set, since his was stolen earlier in the week.

'This day is going to suck,' the voice in his head sang.

True that. It already reeked of failure... Roy wasn't sure how he was going to apologize.

'Well you better start thinking, you ass!' the voice said again.

Roy decided to take his advice, running scenarios over and over in his head.

* * *

Edward woke up to a splitting headache and burning eyes. He wiped tears off of his cheeks, scolding himself inwardly for being so weak. He felt so alone, like he was being trapped in a dark room with endless black walls.

He didn't hear anything from downstairs, so he pulled himself into a sitting position. Van was at work. Ed sighed, pulling his messy hair from the braid it was still in. At first, he couldn't remember why he had cried, but then Roy's words hit him like a ton of bricks, and he choked back a sob.

"Why?" The word bit into the silence, Ed's face contorting into a hurt and broken frown. He just wanted to _protect_ Roy, and this is what he got in return?

He smothered his face into his pillow and frowned. School was out of the question.

Van would be out all day, and he'd be home alone. Ed thought for a moment, his attention being drawn to the burning cuts that waited to be cleaned. He shifted his wait and swung his legs over the side of the bed, testing his muscles and bones.

As soon as his real foot touched the ground, he winced, biting his cheek to keep from yelling out. It was broken.

Ed muffled his next cry as he stood, wobbling as soon as force was pressed down on it. Trying to be cautious of pain, he half-crawled into his bathroom. When he got there, he opened the sink cupboard and groped through the space until his hand came in contact with his bandages.

He tugged them out, sighing as he realized this morning routine was becoming some sort of ritual. The scars littering his body were no joke, but Ed only stayed alive because he had gained a skill for taking care of himself early on. He pulled off his shirt, wincing as he noticed the number of bruises on his chest had increased. The skin touching his automail port was turning an irritated red, and it was starting to itch.

Edward sighed yet again when he realized he needed to find some thicker clothes for winter. At this rate, he'd get frostbite and need his fake limbs to be hacked off. And if Winry ever found out... He shook his head.

That thought was morbid and horrifying.

His hands fumbled to move the bandages around his ankle. It was swollen to an unhealthy purple, and he could _feel_ it pulsing under his fingers.

Ed really wanted this pain to just _stop_.

His mind traveled to uncharted territory. What if he just _died_? What if he disappeared or vanished? Would _anyone_ even care?

Edward shook his head. The answer was no, plain and simple. But that didn't stop him from delving further into these undeveloped thoughts. Newer ideas popped up. Van had a gun somewhere in the house...

No. That would've been to obvious, and he didn't want to give Van any satisfaction. He could jump off the roof... He could do it!

Bringing his automail hand to his eyes, Ed glared at the digits weakly as if he could make them disappear. "I _hate _you," he whispered hoarsely, hoping he could have control over his urge to die.

_Fuck you, Ed! I don't want to be your fucking friend if this is how you're going to act!_

The words struck his heart painfully. "You're right," Ed said to nothing in particular, "I don't _deserve_ friends... I'm a monster."

* * *

Roy walked to school with a purpose, worry nagging at the back of his mind painfully. He wanted to see Ed as soon as possible, the feelings bubbling up inside doing nothing to help his stressed state of mind. He really didn't understand.

He had never _loved_ before, so was this what it was like? He froze mid-step and looked up and the cloudy sky. That was probably it, if anything.

He was falling for his short classmate, making the words he said to him the day before just that more dejecting.

The melancholy air around him was back, shrouding him in an invisible veil of misery.

He pulled his shirt down and blinked. He _still_ couldn't get Ed's miffed expression from his mind. "Shit," Roy swore.

He really was an ass.

Hours later, Roy still hadn't seen Ed throughout his classes. He frowned as a feeling of desolation washed over him. It was his p.e. period, and he really didn't want to do anything but mope, yet he had to keep his grades up, regardless of if Ed was there or not.

Roy stepped into the musky locker room, chatter building up from all directions of the room. He ducked under open lockers and made his way to his own, catching wind of an intriguing conversation.

"Hey Bald," It was Envy.

"Wassup, bro?"

Roy peeked from behind his locker to inconspicuously listen in.

"That metal freak isn't here today."

"You mean Ed?"

"Yeah."  
Roy's interest was piqued. Envy had said _metal_?

"Well I for one am bored. We don't have anyone to pick on for the _whole_ day!"  
The raven-haired teen put his efforts back into changing and chose to ignore the rest of their conversation, deep in thought. Why had they described Ed as a metal freak?

He stopped his thoughts from progressing as the bell rang. He really needed to go the class, and Roy was done changing. He made his way on to the field, girls giggling anonymously from around him.

Roy rolled his eyes. _Girls_.

* * *

Edward made his way downstairs, tears leaking from his eyes with every painful step he took. At the bottom, he made his way towards the direction of the kitchen. It had been days since he had eaten a full meal, and he was _hungry_.

The fridge was empty, per norm, but if you knew _where_ to look...

Ed shuffled to the back of the cabinets and pried open a section of the wood. Food.

He grabbed some Lays and a Pop-tart, sighing when he thanked himself for hiding the morsels back there. Van never bothered to check, so he was in the clear.

The wretched pain in his stomach ebbed to a dull throbbing once he had eaten it all. Edward was then faced with the impossible task of climbing back up the stairs...

But he was so tired...

And the couch was only steps away...

He eased his way down on to the brown leather seats and inhaled the thick smell of alcohol. The scent was far out of his mind as Ed fell asleep, unaware his eyes were closing and a car was parking itself in the driveway fifteen or so feet away.

* * *

Lunch came by, and Roy found himself sitting at 'Ed's table' with Riza and Maes. They both looked at the gloomy expression on Roy's face and nodded to each other.

"So I see Edward's absent today," Riza noted, taking an orange from her bag.  
"Ah, I didn't notice," came Roy's distant reply.

Maes dropped a textbook on the table, shocking Roy from his daydream. "Snap out of it Roy."

"Huh?" He looked at his friend who was busy shoving his textbook back into his bag.

Riza piped up from her side of the table. "Do you think Ed's sick today?"

Maes ignored the question, glaring at Roy with _real _anger, a rare sight with him. "What kind of _dick_ are you, Roy?"

"A big one," he grumbled out.

"Damn fucking straight!"

Riza dropped her orange and it rolled haphazardly off the table. "Maes!" She scolded.

Her bespectacled friend took a shaky breath. "Sorry," he amended. "Shoot Roy, not me."

"I had to leave my gun in East City, remember? Dad wouldn't let me take it."

Roy grinned when their argument escalated, but he couldn't keep his mind off of his favorite blond, that he unmistakably wounded with his indignant words.

Maes focused his attention back to his brooding best friend. "Just apologize," he said. "It's the right thing to do."

He nodded and tried to give a reassuring smile, but it never reached his eyes.

* * *

Ed was stirred from his 'peaceful' sleep when he was slugged in the jaw. His head snapped back, a rugged cry escaping his throat.

"Why the fuck aren't you at school!?"

He stumbled back in an awkward position, afraid to make any sudden movements. His mouth opened and closed.

"YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS SHIT!"

He scrambled back in a crab-walk, ignoring his agonized ankle as he made a crawl for the stairs.

"S-s-stop." Ed managed to whisper as Van charged at him.

"DID I ASK FOR YOU TO SPEAK?"

"N-n-no s-sir, I'm s-sorry."  
"DON'T YOU TALK, BITCH!" Van wasn't drunk. No. He was very much sober. He just wanted to see Ed writhing in pain. He was _angry_, and this boy was going to fix that. Van held up his fist, bowling Ed to the ground and holding him under a massive hand, the knuckles came roughly down on his cheek.

"P-p-please!" Ed cried out meekly. "Just s-stop!" He broke one hand out from under Van's hold and swiped at the older's face.

Blood dripped down from where rough metal had met skin.

Van's facial expression contorted into irate anger. "YOU DO _NOT_ FIGHT BACK! YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS WHORE!"

Ed cried out against his will as steel-toed shoes were rammed into his stomach. "YOU'LL GO TO SCHOOL LIKE ALL OF THE OTHER CHILDREN! YOU WON'T BE A DISGRACE! YOU WON'T SHAME ME ANYMORE THAN YOU ALREADY HAVE!"

"W-w-why are you-"

"Why?" Van pulled Ed's head up, glaring evenly into petrified eyes. "Because I _can_," he spat. "And because you _deserve it_."

He shuttered as the voice met the shell of his ear.

Van dropped him. "Go get cleaned up."

"Y-y-yes s-s-sir."

* * *

Roy was relieved when the bell for sixth period rang. He stood, shoving the rest of the books in his bag, he stretched.

"Go visit Ed and see if he's alright." Maes growled lowly from behind. Roy, afraid he'd be mauled by his angry friend, nodded. A smile made its way back on Maes's face. "Well, go on."

Roy started running, ignoring the weird stares he was getting from the students around him.

Only one thing mattered, and that was Edward.

When he began running, all he could hear was the slapping of his shoes against dry pavement, but as he got farther on his one-mile journey, guilty thoughts rang like sirens deep within his conscious.

Roy shook his head and kept running.

* * *

Edward was in his room feeling miserable. Nothing mattered. No one cared. No one cared whether he lived or died. _No one_. His only friend, well, he thought Roy _was_ his friend, had left him. He sighed, his eyes clouding with desperation and depression.

There was only one way out, and Edward knew it, he had known it for how many years of his life now?

Until then, he had thought there was _some_ hope for him, but now it was shattered, broken like many of his bones. He closed his eyes and gulped. This was it, his only escape.

His only savior was death.

Edward stood shakily, making his way to his window.

No one would notice.

The window pane slid up with ease, like it was agreeing with Ed's decision.

No one would _care_.

Ed put one foot up and over.

No one would come to his funeral.

Edward sat on the edge, precariously perched between life and the pavement below.

Scratch that. There would _be_ no funeral.

He closed his eyes tightly, preparing himself for his final decent.

Roy would be _happy_ that he was gone...

"EDWARD!" The desperate cry startled him.

His eyes flew open, a small smile gracing his mournful face. Roy would be the one and only witness.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Hey Roy..." Ed kicked his feet, the strain his muscles felt bearing no significance to the hurt he felt when he saw Roy's devastated face.

"What are you doing?"

It was only then did Ed realized that Van's car wasn't in the driveway because he had to go back to work, so Roy was free to burst through his door and rush up the stairs.

In three seconds flat, hands pulled him from the windowsill, and he was pulled into a strong hug. "What were you doing?"

Edward didn't know if it was him shaking or if it was Roy, and frankly he didn't care. His attempt had failed, but he was glad that it had, because by the way that Roy was hugging him, he knew his life could _still have some meaning_.

Roy repeated his question. "What were you doing? It looked like you were about to fall, and I, oh my god, I'm so glad you're alright... I'm sorry. I am _so _sorry."

"For what?" Ed chuckled despite himself. He couldn't stop his tears from coming.  
"I didn't mean to say such mean things... Sorry." He pulled back and studied Ed's face. "Why are you crying?"

Edward sniffled and let a dry laugh escape his lips. He stared at Roy long and hard through blurry and tear-stained vision. "I just... hit my toe really, really hard on the wall when you pulled me back, is all."

Roy didn't pay any attention to the really lame excuse, but smoothed down Ed's messy braid.

"It looked like you were about to... jump." Roy was almost in tears, too.

Ed grinned. "Naw," he said. "No... I wasn't... I was enjoying the v-v-v-view, bastard." Since he was still alive, and definitely not a pancake on the sidewalk, he still needed to keep his secret.

"Why weren't you at school?"

"I'm s-s-sick." Ed made a move to wipe his tears away.

Roy smirked. "Do you forgive me?"

"Just leave bastard."

Roy stood, and when he was half-way out the threshold, he said, "Yeah, I forgive you."  
"So friends?"

"Friends."

Ed got up and closed the window, all thoughts of jumping gone from his mind.

He had a friend.

* * *

Maes grinned as Roy. "How'd the apology go?"

"Good," Roy commented idly, smiling. "Really good, actually."

"So, what happened?"

Roy relayed what had happened to Maes quickly, his friend's expression never changing. Finally, when he finished, Roy paled.  
"What is it?" Maes shook Roy's shoulder worriedly.

"I don't know what happened exactly, but I think I remember seeing blood on Edward's face..."

Maes sat, contemplating and soaking up information. "So he said he was sitting on the windowsill, enjoying the view? And he was bloody?"

"Yeah."

He kept his thoughts to himself and left to go sit on his bed, whispering the words to himself, Maes frowned. "That wasn't just some sight-seeing... I think the kid was trying to commit suicide."

He then closed his eyes and wiped his clammy hands off on to his pants. "But you saved him Roy."

It was a serious problem, and Maes was going to tell Roy about his revelation in the morning. "But for the meantime, you've saved him..."

**Like the long chapter? The shit's about to hit the fan!  
R&R**

**Sayonara! **

**~Payton**


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own fma, you know that already. This is dedicated to my precious Nynavae-chan. Love you, my metaphorical daughter~~~~~! So yeah, I don't own, yada yada yada**

**Chapter Seven**

Morning light broke through Edward's window. At first, he couldn't help but groan at the transition, his head spinning as he cracked open his eyes. At first, muddled confusion shrouded his mind, but he pushed through the immense barriers of unconsciousness and struggled into a sitting position.

"What... ha-happened?" Even as he said the words, his throat felt dry as if it was caked with dry dirt. Choking, he stumbled into the bathroom and crawled to the toilet, where he threw up sickly, the wounds over his body aching with a new ferocity.

As bits of the previous evening spun into his mind, they wove a tale of suicide. Scratch that. _A__ttempted_ suicide. But he had failed, hadn't he?

Edward's hands lifted and he pulled his hair. He was alive.

And Roy had stopped him.

Immediate panic sent Ed flat against the wall. _Does he know? Does he know? _So far, as he could tell, the ebony haired teen did _not_ know, and that kept the butterflies eating his stomach at bay. Words could not _describe_ his relief. If he had known... And if Van Hohenheim had found out... Ed involuntarily shivered. He picked himself up from the ground, his hand trailing through his un-braided hair in some hope it would untangle itself.

The shutters on his window were knocking against the glass, so standing up, he looked out to see the wind wuther around leaves and old strewn papers. The grass out front was dead like always, and he had to keep a reproachful sigh at bay. Since it was winter, he knew there would be frost biting at the wind, and his hope seemed to deteriorate as he stepped out on to his porch.

A frown marred Ed's face as he scrunched up his nose. It was cold.

Really, _really_ cold.  
And in the midst of this cold, Edward had no more than his usual red coat and leather pants as protection from the frigid December morning.

He glared at the vast expanses of clouds above him. "Fuck you too."

Turning curtly, he noted that Van's car was gone, and he sighed in relief. He'd be gone for a while.

"Hey Edward!"

He looked up, startled. Roy was waving at him from the front of the apartment building, a goofy smile plastered on his face. Ed pulled down his sleeves to hide his bruises and put on a fake smile, too. "Hey Roy."

He was half expecting a taunt from the taller about the day before, but all he got was an outstretched hand. "Walk with me?"

Ed nodded, his eyes trained on the long piano fingers. "Sure."

* * *

Roy was happy. Not only was Edward walking with him, but in that moment he uncovered his strange feelings for the boy and quickly realized what they were. He loved Edward Elric.

Undoubtedly.

He _loved _him.

Roy knew obsession. He knew it like the back of his hand. But this was not it. The funny feelings in his stomach, his nervous and fluttering hands, they all told a bigger story. One of caring compassion.

He wanted to make Edward his.

Roy put a hand on his right shoulder, flinching involuntarily when it touched something cold. "What the hell?"

Edward spun on his heels, backing up. "Oh. Roy uh. L-l-look at the time, we'll be late for class!" Ed bolted, wind whipping around his coat in a flurry of red and gold.

Something was really wrong.

Really, _really _wrong.

But since he couldn't quite place the feeling of dread in the back of his eyes, he chose to ignore it.

It was probably nothing, but he could have swore he saw a bruise on Ed's neck when the wind lifted his braid.

He shrugged, Roy was probably imagining it anyways.

* * *

School was hell like always. Halls were crowded and filled with meandering students, classes were chaotic and loud, and the very air was tinged with maliciousness.

And like always, Ed was cornered by the bullies.

Jean Havoc, a tall and skinny kid with a cigarette hanging limply from his mouth stepped from behind an onlooker. "Oh look, it's the half-metal freak."

Ed cringed, making sure Roy was nowhere to watch. He didn't want him knowing. No. He _couldn't_ have him knowing. That would end their friendship.

_He'd hate you,_ A little voice in his head sang. Ed agreed with it.

"What do you want, Havoc?" He made himself look braver then he felt, shoulders squared, eyed glaring daggers into the other's.

"Just some fun," Havoc answered, taking a long drag of his cancer-stick. "It gets boring around here, you know?"

Ed ignored the bully, trying to skirt around him unsuccessfully. He was stopped by a rough and big hand. "I didn't say you could leave."

"And I don't remember _asking_ for permission," Ed growled back, unable to contain his raw fury in just his voice, he lifted and automail fist and struck Havoc in the nose.

"FUCK!"

The bully was cradling his nose, rage billowing from him in waves. "What did you just _do__?" _Some of Havoc's cronies appeared from behind, taking advantage of the situation, they lunged at Ed.

He was tired. His automail hurt. But _damn_. When Ed was pissed, the shit hit the fan.

He walked away from the bullies with a few more bruises to add to his collection.

* * *

It was p.e. again, and the dread pulsing through Ed like a bomb. He was pacing through the bathroom and biting his lower lip until it bled, he waited for the bell before closing his eyes and wiping his sweaty palms off on his pants. They would be going to the gym... but ed knew he couldn't get out of dressing.

He'd make an excuse, like always.

Ed double-checked his bandages and nodded to himself, happy that he wasn't jostling his ribs too much, he stepped into the howling wind once more, wincing as it tug at his automail relentlessly.

He'd just have to make do.

With another sigh, he stomped through the grass and back to the locker rooms. He would hide.

He would hide to make sure he wouldn't have to dress.

* * *

Roy was done getting into his p.e. uniform. He scowled at the blue and gold coloring before joining the rest of his class in the gym.

He looked around for Ed, wanting to see the kid without his blasted red coat, but frowned as he saw that Ed hadn't changed at all, but was meekly making his way into the room from a hidden door at the side of the gymnasium.

Mr. Armstrong, shirtless as always, was holding a basketball in one of his hands. "As you know, basketball has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

Snickering came from the crowd of teens as someone muttered, "A lot of things are, apparently."

Somehow, the teacher didn't notice the underlying sarcasm and beamed proudly. "Why yes!" His loud voice boomed, "We Armstrongs are very gifted indeed!"

Roy shook his head, glancing around, his eyes fell on Olivier, the visiting gym teacher from Briggs High. As soon as her level glare met his calm gaze, his head snapped back to his teacher.

_Are all Armstrongs this crazy?_

"I shall teach you young ones to learn the precise art of shooting hoops! Will someone help me demonstrate?" Some hands went up, but he ignored them, his eyes drifting to the back of the crowd. They widened somewhat. "Oh, Edward Elric! How about you?"

Edward's heart thudded.

He complied, shuffling to the front with his head bowed, he situated himself in front of the crowd.

"Why aren't you in uniform, Mr. Elric?"

"I... f-f-f-for-forgot it at home." Everything was spinning. So many eyes were on him... So many...

"Oh all right them!" Armstrong turned to face his students again. "Now I want you to practice the chest pass. Like so."  
Ed didn't see the ball sailing right at him.

"Mr. Elric!"

Ed went skidding to the floor, his right sleeve riding up. Roy squinted his eyes when he noticed it was glinting... His _arm_ was glinting.

"Automail, automail!" A chorus rang out. "Half-metal Elric! Half-metal Elric."

Ed closed his eyes, nearly shrinking in on himself. He wanted the laughter to go away. He hated the laughter.

He hated it.

Roy looked at it with morbid fascination. It looked so painful and scarring that Roy ended up wondering how he had gotten it in the first place.

He hadn't noticed that Riza and Maes had appeared at his sides. "Poor guy," Riza muttering, her left hand grazing over her right as if to wonder how it felt. Maes was still concentrating, his eyes glued to Ed. He looked afraid, curled up in a ball.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Armstrong's furious shout quieted everyone. They glanced up at their teacher, brief fear flashing in their eyes as he continued. "YOU DO NOT DO THIS IN MY CLASS, UNDERSTOOD!?"

Small whispers of 'yes sir' rung out, but Roy wasn't paying attention.

His gaze was still locked on the blond.

Ed's face lifted from his hands, tears tracking down like small rivers. Their gazes connected and Edward's eyes widened in unimaginable horror. He stood abruptly, shocking the class.

With a dignified stride, he left the gym.

* * *

Edward was dying on the inside. He let Roy see. He let Roy see. He had let Roy _see_. He tried taking a breath, but it came out shuttered and short. The wind was knocking the air right from his lungs, so he quickened his pace.

Fuck school!

FUCK VAN!

He was skipping the rest of the day, he decided as he hopped the fence. The pain in his stomach and chest couldn't compare with the pain behind his eyes as he cried. Roy would hate him, despise him, just like the rest of the world.

He didn't fit in.

Ed didn't have any reason to be loved.

He was unlovable.

'Home' came into sight quickly enough. He saw Van's car and stopped, glancing over is shoulder, wondering if _maybe_ school _was_ a better option. He shook his head. It didn't matter. Because both were hell, and both hurt him equally.

Drawing another shuttering breath, he unlocked the door with his spare key, slipping into the dark confines of his own father's clutches. He was home early, which only meant one thing.

He had been fired.

* * *

Maes nudged Roy's elbow. "Go after him?" It was a question. Because Maes didn't know what to do. Neither did he. Neither did Riza.

He nodded slowly, his mind reeling with unfathomable thoughts. Automail was rare and disgraced. It was an unusual treatment for cripples. Most of them hated the hunks of metal.

But why did _his_ Edward have them?

Roy shook his head. It didn't matter. It didn't matter because he would chase after him anyway, to find out why he had been kept int he dark. They were friends, right?

That's what he was led to believe anyways.

He bolted, ignoring Mr. Armstrong's plea for him to stop. His mind was hardwired to only notice one blond, and that teen needed his help, but with what, he did not know.

Roy came to a stop in front of Edward's house. He heard shouting. _Angry _shouting.

He rushed to the door, adrenaline coursing through him, he knocked like his life depended on it.

A drunk man answered. "Who are you?" His voice was slurred, upset, and angry. It was a bunch of things, and Roy had trouble deciphering the drunk-man's code. Obviously, Van knew the guy. How could he not? He was who Ed had claimed to be his friend.

"My name is Roy Mustang... And I'm here to see Edward."

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**OMG ANOTHER CHAPTERRR! Why? Nynavae-chan and I do ECE (equivalent chapter exchange) so I'm writing ANOTHER chapter! Ohmahgawd. Look at that. **

**I don't own. Blahblah blah blah blahblah**

**Roy is such an idiot in this XD  
**

**Chapter Eight**

"Roy Mustang, eh?"

Van grinned cheekily, his splitting smile more like a smirk than anything. "Sorry, he isn't home at the... moment."

"What do you mean? I want to see him!" Mustang stayed persistent as he demanded answers. He wanted to see Ed, he _wanted_ to. More than anything!

"Sorry, he's a bit... ehehehehe distant at the moment."  
Roy was finding this man creepy. Van Hohenheim, he knew. And the guy looked like a pedophile through and through.

"He's not... home?"

Van nodded solemnly, putting on a fake yet grim frown. "Why, he's at school, isn't he?" Van inched closer to Roy's face. "Aren't _you_ supposed to be at school?"

"Sorry, _sir_." Roy hated the words on his tongue. They tasted bitter. Like day-old-coffee. "I'll be on my way now."  
He tried to peek past the man, but couldn't see far with his humongous body in his way.

Roy finally backed up, glaring distastefully at Van, he turned around.  
He suspiciously heard faint chuckling behind him, and the quietest singing of the word 'Edooooo' coming from behind him.

He seriously needed to talk to Maes.

But first, he needed to get back to school.

Yet again, he ignored the worry nagging in his stomach that told him something was very wrong.

Everything was fine, at least that's what he tried to convince himself.

* * *

Ed scooted up against the wall, fear prickling in his eyes as he surveyed the door for any signs of movement.

Cold sweat dripped from his forehead. Anxiety ran cold through him,making his flicker his vision back and forth through darkness. Was Van coming for him yet? Would anyone help him?

He felt a muffled cry pass his lips as Van quietly opened his bedroom door and slipped inside.

"You skipped school." He stated casually, bringing an air of confidence with his statement. Ed couldn't deny it. He couldn't, so he didn't.

"Yeah." He gulped. Darkness. It was dark, glaring gold eyes above him.

_SMACK_!  
It was coming.

Van was yelling incoherently, shouting at his _faggot, idiot, son-of-a-bitch, _child. "YOU!" He said, fury shaking off of him, his shoulders tensing before another smack came.

_SMACK!_

Ed was on his side, tears pooling in his eyes, unable to fall. That would give him satisfaction. It would give Van pleasure, so he didn't let them come.

"YOU FUCKING DISOBEY ME?" He was lifted up by his braid and thrown on to his bed. He didn't need to look at Van to hear the sickening _snap_ of a switchblade being opened.

"_This_," Van whispered into Ed's ear. "May just teach you a lesson."

Pain.

Pain laced with agonized breath and sweat.

It hurt. And it hurt to know that no one was there to save him. The blade pressed against his arm, splitting skin into two, blood oozing in little drops to the surface. Ed held in a scream, a groan escaping his nearly closed lips.

He could take the pain... He could take it...

After all, Ed deserved it. He killed his mother.

In fact, he was sure he deserved a fate _worse _than death. He was despicable.

Thoughts raced by as he took another cut. And another.

Blood was pooling.

And if he didn't get Van to stop, he would die.

Panicking, he sent a panicked cry out into the air.

"HEEEELPPPPP!"  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

A punch.

Ed cried, finally letting out his burning sobs.

Something broke in his heart as he took another shuttering breath.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"N-n-n-no!"

"I LOST MY JOB BECAUSE OF YOU, FUCKER!" Van was angry, he was _angry_. He lost his job. They were losing their house. They were losing it _all_. He was fired because of his alcohol addiction, and he needed someone to blame. With pulsing temples and knuckles, he punched again and again until they came back bloody.

"I will _kill_ you," he hissed, watching as Ed recoiled weakly.

"N-n-n-no s-s-sir. S-s-stop! I promise to g-g-get a job! I c-c-can do anything! Just please!"

"TRISHA WOULD STILL BE HERE!" He screamed, ignoring his son's earlier words,"SHE WOULD BE HERE, AND YOUR WORTHLESS ASS WOULD BE IN HELL!" The drunken stupor was wearing off into a dull throbbing. Van blinked wearily as he realized what he was doing, retreated, and cleaned his fogged glasses.

"Fag."

And Van was gone, just like that. Edward got up to is feel and stumbled to the bathroom.

He had a sick feeling that Hohenheim was _not_ coming back.

* * *

Riza and Maes were int heir apartment, contemplating to Roy silently.

"Suicide?" Roy whispered harshly, "What do you mean?"

Maes took off his glasses and cleaned them. "Think about it Roy... Long and hard about everything." They sat in a controlled silence for a bit longer, no one daring to speak. Finally, Roy closed his eyes and set his jaw.

"Maes... why?"

"I can't answer that." The teen answered. "Only Edward can."

"And he has automail... the poor kid." Riza stirred the coffee in her hands uncomfortably, glancing up only to check if either of the teens beside her would move.

Finally, Roy stood. "I need a nap," he stated. "My head hurts."

Maes and Riza looked at him sadly, giving him peculiar looks as he retreated to his dark shared room. Both knew something bigger was up with Edward. Automail, suicide... What else was the kid hiding?  
Maes had the feeling they wouldn't like it when they _did _ find out.

**I know it sucks... Don't kill me. My wrist is killing me, and this is kind of like a filler chapter anyways. You don't need to review or anything, jsut wait patiently for my next and BETTER chapter!**

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again! Tis I, Payton-sempai to some, and Payton-chan to most. Right now, I am sitting with my laptop in a dark, dark room becaue the power went out. I'm starting this at 6:00, and it was so hot, that out whole block's electricity went out! THANK GOD I HAVE A LAPTOP! *points at the other computers in the neighborhood and laughs* **

**No really, it's about 105 degrees RIGHT NOW and the... IT'S SOOOO HOT DAMMIT!**

**DEDICATED TO NYNAVAE-CHAN AS ALWAYS~~~!**

**I don't own fma, you know it!**

**Chapter Nine**

Roy woke up with a hammering headache in his temples. At first, he cursed the rain outside for the atrocity for lack of better judgement. Only after the memories from the day before came into his mind in fragmented intervals did he realize _why_.

His heart clenched painfully, a stuttered and hitched breath catching in his throat. Oh god. Oh god oh god, oh _god_. Not Edward. Roy gulped and stuffed his face into his pillow. His whole head _hurt_.

But the blond also accompanying his thoughts made his rake a frustrated hand through his hair again. Roy had to take a few deep breaths before the anger subsided into sheer worry.

He had attempted _suicide_?

Another surge of anger penetrated his thoughts. How could Roy have been so stupid? He was supposed to be his friend, so why was Ed hiding these things from him?

But no matter what the reason, he found a way to forgive _his_ blond.

Yes, Roy had come to terms with his feelings. Edward wasn't just some infatuation or just another phase, he was someone Roy really _truly_ cared about. He swung his legs over the side of his bed and stood up.

It was the day.

The day he would confront Edward about his little _problem_, as Roy could put it.

Shuffling in his socks, Roy made his way to the kitchen, hopelessly filling a giant coffee mug with some 'insta-coffee', he plopped down into a nearby chair with a groan, an involuntary shiver running up his spine as soon as the wooden chair squeaked across the linoleum floor. The game-plan ran through Roy's mind over and over again until he had his questions down to the millisecond.

Everything about his plan was flawless... Well, almost flawless. The truth was, the raven-haired teen was terrified. He was terrified that Edward had already _done_ something. And it was like a deep abyss in his stomach.

The what-ifs were killing him, but Roy couldn't go and run to Ed's just out of impulse.

Maes could've been wrong...

No.

Even Roy couldn't kid himself. Maes was _always_ right.

That was a fact. His friend was smart and constructive, analyzing and crafty. Everything Roy was not.

The half-asleep and worried teenager wasn't good in these situations, he was just a kid, dammit! He didn't know what to do, he didn't have anyone to tell, and he just didn't know _why_.

At first, Roy considered telling Mr. Armstrong, but that came out as a definite no. Their advisory teacher, Izumi Curtis, was his next possible option. But Roy shook his head.

She was just too damn violent.

Pondering on his innocuous thoughts, Roy didn't notice his two friends gazing at him from the open bedroom door with worried expressions. Maes was the first one to break the prolonged silence. "We'll give you all the help you need, Roy."

He nodded, his eyes softening. Maes and Riza would give him all the help he needed, and more.

* * *

Ed woke up with a start, the sound of drumming rain against the rooftop breaking him from his dreamless slumber. "Shit," he murmured, bringing his automail hand to his face to press the cool steel against his forehead.

Edward brought his left knee to his chest, shivering as the coolness of it hit his bare skin.

"Fuck," he groaned, letting out a choked sob. He was hungry.

Hungry and terrified.

With the rain came Van. He never went to work on rainy days... Ed shook his head. Van didn't _have _a job anymore, and he had been spared death. But he was sure his face was an ugly purple, bruises rimming the underside of his eyes and swelling his jaw to an unhealthy and painful throbbing.

He just wanted to crawl under the covers of his bed and die.

But he couldn't...

Because he had _school_, another hell in his life.

Thunder rumbled, lightning following in the endless cackle of the morning sky.

Though his bones ached with never-ending tiredness, Ed found the strength to move his limbs one by one off of the mattress. As an angry, abusive man flung his door open, Ed's hope dies within him. The bastard _had_ come home. He _had_.

Van was drunk again, his eyes unfocused and glazed with liquor induced stupor. "Fucking kid, get up."

Edward didn't answer as he hauled himself into a fully standing position. His muscles groaned as he strained him,but not a single whimper escaped Ed's mouth.

"Answer me, you little shit!"

"Y-y-yes sir."

Van walked closer, his dull footsteps thumping along on the wood. "Every time I look at you... I see Trisha. You ruined our lives. We were happy! WE WERE HAPPY!" Ed was being pulled up by his shirt collar.

It hurt, it hurt because Ed believed it was true.

"You don't deserve to live! Trisha was kind, she was kind, but _you__! YOU ARE A FUCKING DISGRACE!_"

Ed was pushed back on to his bed, Van's heavy hand still on his neck. He watched in horror as Van came closer, brutal lips smashing into his own his horrid force.

He felt disconnected as the hand on his neck went further down, rubbing on his chest and down to his waistband. Ed flinched as Van recoiled, almost afraid that the man would go back to the assault.

But he didn't.

"Get your ass downstairs and cook me breakfast."

Ed nodded, his mind slowly returning to his body. He was safe now that Van was out of the room.

He wasn't going to be violated again.

His footsteps, uneven on the wooden stairs, distinctively echoed through the house. He shivered as he came into the kitchen. It was cold. Just then, he realized that the rain was getting in, the windows letting in a thick laden puddle. Ed limped over to the shutters and shut them.

It was going to be a long day, and he was hungry, tired, exhausted, and more. He couldn't find much energy, and he knew the day was going to get even worse.

* * *

Roy stepped out of his apartment complex with an umbrella, the fire red color standing out in the foggy air. He squinted his eyes in the direction of Ed's house, worry churning in his gut once again.

Curiously, he crept forward, keeping his eyes trained on the window. He didn't want to get caught. At all.

So keeping a quiet pace, he slunk to the underside of the window, peeking in cautiously. He was stopped as soon as they closed, and he glared... Roy had been close.

He looked back through the glass.

"FUCK YOU! YOU UNGRATEFUL PRICK!"

Roy's eyes widened. What had he just heard?

Straining his ears, he looked through the foggy panes through the shutters.

But he heard nothing.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Ed's scared voice scared him out of his wits and he jumped back, startled.

"When did you... YOU WERE JUST INSIDE!" Roy's voice was shrill. How had someone... No, Ed, crept up on him?

"How would you know that, Roy?" Ed looked tired. He looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept for days. Roy quirked an eyebrow at the sentiment, curious as to why Edward looked so tired.

"I'm sorry." Roy amended quickly, ashamed for invading the shorter's privacy. He looked away from those prominent golden eyes. How could he go about confronting Ed? All of his rehearsal seemed to be in vain.

He had no clue of what to do anymore.

"Ah, you're soaking." Roy stumbled forward when he noticed Ed didn't have an umbrella and was shivering madly.

He held it over his friend, waiting politely.

"N-n-no you don't need to do this!"

Then Roy noticed something entirely different. Ed was hiding his face from view. He found it suspicious, but didn't comment on it, but brought his hand to Ed's shoulder. Roy found his voice.

"We need to talk."

Ed jumped back in surprise.

"No we don't!"

"We're skipping school, we _really_ need to talk."

Roy ignored Ed's pleas, shoving him ahead into his apartment complex, they got to the elevator, tension seeping through their voices.

"We don't need to talk, bastard!" Ed tried escaping, but Roy had him cornered.

They reached the third floor.

* * *

Ed was shaking, but not from the cold. The only thought he could conjure was 'he knows he knows he knows'. And that terrified him. Edward didn't know what to think, so he scooted back away from Roy's prying gaze.

Roy tried to honestly take his eyes from Ed, but he couldn't. Somehow, it was like the golden eyes he was staring into were plagued by terror and fright.

He tried to touch his shoulder, but Ed backed up into the corner behind him, cringing.

Roy didn't know why his actions had sparked such fear, but he resolved to make sure he didn't do anything to Ed. Ever.

The elevator _pinged_ to a stop.

It was quiet. All of the pent up silence was ready to burst, Roy being it's tamer and medium, broke it. "Let's get to my apartment. Maes and Riza are there waiting for us."

Ed still his the majority of his face with his bangs. Apparently, the ground was really interesting.

Sighing, Ed looked up through a break in his bangs.

He looked afraid.

* * *

Maes and Riza sat on the couch, waiting for their two friends to join the party. "How are we going to do this?" Riza frowned at her tea, contemplating every word they were going to say.

"I don't know," Maes admitted, giving her an assuring smile. "But we'll work this out."

The door opened.

A soaked Edward and a fidgeting Roy Mustang were standing at the threshold, both shivering and dripping with rain water, their clothes plastered to their skin.

"Ah, you okay there, you two?"

Roy gave a curt nod, ushering Ed into their abode.

"I'll get the towels," Riza got up from the couch, setting her tea on the coffee table before her, she made a meaningful stride to the bathroom.

Maes set to work, setting Roy on the couch by Edward, he took the opposite seat to the two.

"We have to talk."

Just then, Riza came back with the towels, giving one to the sopping wet teens.

"A-a-about what?" Ed stuttered hopelessly. Roy took note that he was afraid of his own shadow, he stuttered, and he flinched at contact. It was all so confusing.

Maes, being blunt like always, asked, "Did you attempt suicide?"

Ed kept his face hidden, and didn't answer.

Roy asked this time, his question softer and more hesitant. "Well Ed, did you?"

He didn't look up.

"Hey," Roy said. "Look at me. Please?" Ed didn't move, so he put his thumb under the blond's chin, titling it up to face him.

Ed was too weak to stop the stronger boy.

"Ed?"

The raven-haired teenager gasped, dread clouding his gaze again. "What's this?" He demanded harshly. "Why the _hell_ do you have _bruises_ on your face!?"

Ed tried to push Roy away. "Get offa me! You bastard!"

"NO ED! TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!"

Ed shrunk back into the cushion behind him. That was the same voice Van used... When he... Did...

A choked sob escaped his mouth, and he couldn't stop the tears now. They came as quickly as Roy recoiled. "Ed? Dammit, I'm... sorry."

"I'll b-b-be good! D-d-don't hurt me!" Ed's hands went over his face protectively, and Roy, Maes, and Riza all felt horror clench their throats.

Maes moved forward, pulling Ed's hands away tentatively. "Hey now... We won't," he didn't want to say it, "hurt you... Just tell us what's happened to you Ed."

"We're your friends." Riza encouraged.

"Please Ed... Please," Roy blinked away his own tears.

Ed looked at them all, trying to decide if he could trust them.

Apparently he could, because he began his story, and Maes just knew he was right. Ignorance really _was_ bliss.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey again! this chapter is coming from my phone, i'm at my little brother's friends birthday party... Uh... A million little kids are attacking me.**  
**Thank you for all of the reviews, I feel so loved! T^T... Yes, they are a bit ooc, but Ed's been through a lot and the others are teenagers, so yeah...**

**I DON'T OWN FMA**

**DEDICATED TO NYNAVAE-CHAN AS ALWAYS FO-EVAS**

And please, no one tell me this is OOC, because frankly, it's an AU, I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!  
** Chapter ten**  
Ed didn't want to tell them. He didn't want his secret to be revealed.  
Ed was afraid.  
Very,_ very_ afraid.  
Yet another part of him desperately wanted to tell them, to be loved and cared for.  
Ed knew that wouldn't be the case when they found out. Roy would be disgusted. And so would his friends. He'd be cast aside like a freak, left to fend for himself... Again.  
He looked up forlornly at the teenagers, his throat closing in anxiety and fear. It made Edward want to bolt. To hide somewhere, to forget about Roy, Riza, and Maes. But he couldn't.  
They had trapped him in a metaphorical corner with no escape.  
"_Please_ Edward," Roy and Maes pleaded, desperately hoping they were wrong. Riza, however, watched in sadness as Edward brought his knees close to his chest, his right hand grabbing his left knee almost protectively.  
"No..." Ed whispered. "You'll hate me."  
Roy felt anger bubble over again. "Don't you say that!" He commanded. "Don't you dare even think that Edward!"  
Ed ducked his head and buried it in his lap.  
Maes nodded. "We could never hate you Edward, you are not a bad person, so you should stop feeling like one."  
Roy couldn't keep his eyes off of Ed's face when he lifted it.  
Bruises.  
Someone had hurt _his_ Edward.  
That sentiment was enough to made his heart pound uncomfortably. He wanted to punch whoever had hurt his Ed. To make them bleed. To make them writhe and feel the pain they had inflicted on to Edward. To make the fucker pay.  
That's what Roy wanted to do. And desperately.  
Maes was right. Like always, he had bested expectations. Somehow, Roy had a mind to wish they had never asked.  
First, Ed took a big breath, his body shaking and trembling. He looked at Roy, his eyes misting over with hurt.  
"My..."  
Maes felt like he was choking. No. No, no, no. It didn't seem right. What had Edward done to deserve this?  
Ed gulped, his hands rubbing up his sides add if he was trying to wash off an invisible filth.  
"My father... He made me... _Dirty_." The last word was hushed, bringing an air of horror to the room. No.  
Yet again, Maes, Roy, and Riza wished they were wrong.  
"We'll leave you two alone." Maes stood, pulling Riza with him, all the while giving an all-knowing stare at Roy.  
They were out of the room, Ed and Roy both were scared to utter the first word.  
The raven-haired teen didn't need words to explain how he felt. Pulling Ed into a tight embrace, he rubbed comforting circles on Ed's Lower back.  
"Shhhhhhhh." Roy whispered. "I'm here. And I'll never let him hurt you again... Ever."  
Ed never imagined this. Being held so tightly in someones arms... It was something he never had. Ever. And Ed liked it, but everything around him was crashing down all at once. His previous fears of being rejected vanished, replaced with melancholy sobs and gripping hands.  
He didn't want Roy to leave him.  
No.  
He wouldn't.  
Van wouldn't touch him again.  
Roy was listening to Ed's relieved sobs and cries, his eyes watering too. He was sure that his shirt wouldn't look any different after Ed was done crying, he was already soaked to the bone, so he saw no point in pointing it out to the distressed blond.  
Somewhere along the way, Roy had pulled Ed into his lap, cradling his head and holding him close, he whispered sweet nothings into his ear.  
"Shhh Ed, I promise. I promise to keep you safe. You're safe with me. It's all right."  
Ed cried louder, clawing at Roy's shirt, his noise buried in his chest.  
But there was still an impotent matter at hand.  
"Did you really try it? Killing yourself?"  
The sobs vanished replaced by hitched hiccups.  
"I'm sorry!" Ed apologized, his eyes looking for a forgiving face frantically. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"  
Ed went to apologize again, but Roy stopped him.  
"Just please..." Now it was Roy in tears. "... Never try again. Please..."  
Ed gave a short nod.  
Roy sighed, pulling away. "What else did... Van do to you?"  
He almost didn't want to know... He was afraid. Ed was dirty?  
What was that supposed to mean?  
Ed pulled away, sniffling. "I'm so stupid, crying like this..."  
Roy used his thumb to wipe away Ed's tears.  
"You're beautiful," he whispered. "I'm going to kill that bastard for ever touching you."  
Ed pushed him away, "I'm ugly... So ugly... How can you look at me and not see what he's done?"  
Roy looked at the bruise again, his eyes trailing down.  
How was it the first time that he had noticed how skinny Ed was?  
Even through his shirt, Roy could see ribs protruding, thin and sickly.  
"Take off your shirt." He needed to know. He needed to know the severity of the bastard's cruelty. But Ed didn't budge.  
No.  
He didn't want to show him.  
"I'm ugly," he exclaimed quickly. "I'm really ugly Roy, don't make me-"  
"You'll never be ugly."  
And Ed was silent, his options laid out in front of him like a giant game of cards. "Promise? Promise you won't hate me if I... Show you?"  
Roy was almost taken aback, but he would never hate Edward.  
"I promise."  
It was silent once more as Ed shimmied from his shirt, it fell into a heap on the wooden coffee table.  
Roy couldn't help but stare...  
And he had thought that his home life was fine. He had let Ed go into that house without stopping him... Roy had ultimately been unable to save his blond from the torture inflicted on his body.  
Bruises.  
Cuts...  
Scars.  
The automail topped it all off, the pinkish tissue around it holding the metal limb in place.  
Roy traced his finger on the scar surrounding it, wonder lacing his touch.  
It looked so painful.  
It looked so wrong there, on the tired and fragile looking boy.  
Once again, Edward found himself being held by strong arms.  
Roy really wad going to kill the bastard who had done this to Edward.  
"Tell me everything..."  
"He... Van... He used to hit... And my mom..."  
Roy's breath caught in his thought, his mind assuming the worse.

"She died." Ed said. "Giving birth to me... He always blamed me for it."

Roy felt more anger surge through him. How could that bastard have blamed Edward for his mother's death? "And this..." Edward motioned to his arm and hugged it tighter to his chest, "A fire..."

"A... fire?" Roy scooted closer, trying to get a closer look at the appendage. Ed tried to hide it from sight. "Don't hide it from me, Ed..."

He got a closer look.

It was cold, smooth. Roy loved the feeling of it under his fingers. Trailing his thumb up, he touched the port, where soft flesh met silver metal. "You're okay now..." Roy assured calmly, his expression faltering for half a second as his thumb met bruises.

"Will I really be okay?" Ed looked up at Roy, his expression like that of a kicked puppy. "Will you really keep me safe?"

"Forever..." Roy promised.

And then, they kissed.

Their lips met. The touch was surprisingly soft, slightly uncertain, and gentle. Lingering wetness from their chaste kiss cooled on her lips, a cold reminder of what just passed, a promise of things to come. It was silent, there was no exchange of words, just the warm touch of lingering body heat.

It ended just like it had began. With hesitance.

"You can tell me anything, you know..."

Ed nodded as he pressed his forehead against Roy's breastbone. He wasn't sure if he should've trusted Roy, but one look into his dark blue eyes and he was certain he made the right choice.

Maes and Riza came back in, smiling to themselves and wearing the same shit-eating grins. "Come on, Edward, let's get you bandaged up."

Ed nodded, standing up with translucent tears still running down his face. Roy quickly stood too, wiping them off again. "It's okay Edward," he whispered in his ear. "You're safe, okay? Remember that."

Edward gave another short nod ad Roy wrapped his arm around him, giving a short and chaste kiss on the top of his head, they went to the bathroom.

* * *

Maes went to get bandages, leaving Roy and Riza alone with Ed in the bathroom. "Take your pants off Ed," Roy commanded softly, sitting on the toilet seat.

"Yeah, Edward. We need to check for wounds on your legs and get you cleaned up."

Ed shook his head. "No. Please... don't..."

Roy took Ed's chin and looked into golden eyes. "You can show me anything, remember?"

And Ed took off his pants and Riza looked away.

No one spoke, each of them respecting their own silence and keeping their voices locked, they were surprised when Maes came in.

"Automail?" His bubbly voice was back, his grin stretched on his lax featured. "Since _when_ did you have an automail leg too?"

Ed didn't answer, flinching as Maes came closer.

"Aw, sorry kid. Didn't mean to me so offensive."

He held up the bandages.

"We have to get this over with. Riza, get the disinfectant, Roy, get some dry clothes."

"Yes sir," joked Roy. "Right away, Fuhrer Hughes."

"Fuhrer?" Questioned Ed incredulously. "Since when were you interested in German leaders?"

"It's an inside joke," Riza explained lightly. "Long story."

"Ah."

She left to get the disinfectant and Roy left the light blue and purple bathroom to get spare clothes.

"Edward, trust us okay?" Maes lent forward to kneel by Ed. "We all have your best interests in mind."

"But why do you care?" Ed's interests were piqued, he looked at the bespectacled man in wonder.

"I can't really say," the teen confessed with s smile. "But anyone who is treated like this deserves to be saved... You're worth it."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

* * *

Roy and Riza came back into the bathroom, leaving the raven-haired man to help Edward.

Ed scowled at the bandages. "I don't need this." He said. "I don't need your pity..."  
Roy was in front of him within seconds.

"Is that what you think this is?" He asked. "Pity?"

"What else would it be?" Edward looked drained, like his face had become pale and unreadable, a resort he didn't want to go to. Ed was blocking Roy out.

Roy didn't know what to say. He thought it was obvious.

He thought it was _obvious_.

"I _care_ about you Ed."  
"LIKE FUCK YOU DO!" Roy thought the anger was a good sign. This was the real Edward.

The one before the abuse.

"No, really..." He promised. "I care about you _a lot_ Edward."

"How?" Ed's voice was rising, from what, Roy couldn't figure out. "I'm broken! NO ONE SHOULD CARE! I WANT TO DIE!"

The world was spinning for Roy, he wanted to comfort him. He wanted to be there for Edward.

He got the bandages, the cool white material sinking with an imprint of his hand. He scooted closer to Ed, his eyes trailing along the broken figure of his 'lover'... No. He wasn't his 'boyfriend' just yet...

Roy smirked inwardly, feeling a swelling compassion well up inside of him. He loved this boy, with all of his heart.

If only Edward could see that too.

"I do... A _lot_ actually, Edward."

"SURE YOU DO! NO ONE LOVES ME! NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME!" He was shrieking, yelling. Ed wanted Roy to love him.

But he was messed up and defiled.

"I'm _tainted_..." The blond whispered. "I'm just _dirty_. No one _can _understand because they don't know what I've had to deal with for all of these years..."

"Then let me understand," Roy reached up in an effort to stretch, but it was like Ed was already on autopilot.

He dove into the standing shower, his back hitting the tiles. "No! I'm sorry! Don't, don't!"  
"I'll be a good boy!" He was sobbing again.

"I'll be a good boy!"

"Edward-!"

"I'll do anything! Just don't h-h-h-hurt me!"

"Why would I hurt you?" Roy was scared for Ed's well being. He went forward, ready to help Ed from the shower, but the shorter's eyes were clouded and afraid.

It was like he was seeing Van there with him.

"ED!"

He stopped trembling, the very air around them timid with the feeling of fear.  
Roy pulled his friend into another hug. "Shh. Van isn't here, remember? It's just me... And I will never, _ever_ hurt you."

Ed sniffed, pushing himself away from the raven-haired teen. "Why do _you_ care?" He spat.

Roy didn't know how to answer at first, though it was fairly obvious. He cared for Ed more than he would a normal person. He was original, had the same pain he had, understood exactly what depression felt like.

"Why?" Roy asked. "Why that's an easy one."

He put on one of his _real_ smiles. One of the real ones no lady or teenager had gotten a good glimpse of.

Roy held out a hand for Ed to grab, waiting expectantly. He grabbed it, hauling himself up to meet with his friend.

"It should be obvious," scoffed Roy playfully.

"Then spit it out already, dammit!"

Chuckling, he inched his face closer to Ed's, his nose brushing his bare forehead, past one of the mutilating bruises.

"I love you, pipsqueak."

Ed froze under his touch. "You... what?"

"Stupid... I love you." Roy kissed his hair,pulling him up from the shower, he handed him over-sized clothes casually with a smirk. "Get dressed and come back to bed with me."  
A blush slammed full-force into Ed's cheeks, "YOU PERVERT!"

"I meant for sleep! Jeez, Ed. Who knew you had such a dirty mind?"

After a few more seconds of silence, Ed broke it. "So what do we do know?"

"Well, if you'd let me, can I be your boyfriend?"  
There was no hesitance. "Only... Only if you stay with me." He felt to clingy, but Ed needed to be sure he was making the right choice.

"Of course, shorty. Anything for you."

_**TBC**_

_**R&R**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello again! I LOVE YOU READERS, just thought I'd say that... I don't own fma as usual, and this story is dedicated to Nynavae-chan, aka that half demon alchemist. Check her out if you like royed and or abuse!ed stories. I KNO I DO!**

**And I understand that Ed hasn't eaten for a while, just bear with me here.**

**Chapter Eleven**

It was midday when Edward woke up. As soon as lightening and thunder rumbled through the _empty _bed, Ed realized that it was still raining. And he was alone.

At first, fear gripped Ed' heart. He didn't know if Van was here, wherever _here_ was. Then he remembered that he was at Roy's apartment. And he was safe.

Releasing the breath he didn't realize he was holding, Ed brought his knees to his chest. It was cold and his automail felt like they were frostbitten, even from underneath the too-big shirt he was wearing, he could feel frost bite at his ports.

Ed knew he hadn't gotten all of the water out from his automail. And it was painful, mixed with his hunger and bruised bones, he felt about ready to die.

"Ed!"  
All of a sudden, the pain felt that much bearable. The golden-haired teen peeked over to blankets he was under, his eyes boring into dark blue ones. "Roy!"It came out like a squeak, unsure and scared.  
Roy felt his heart shatter when he noticed that _he_ was the one causing Edward's discomfort.

It had only been a few hours since they had kissed, and only a few hours had passed from when Ed had made his big confession. Roy felt a warm tugging in the pit of his stomach when he realized that Ed had kissed back.

Confusion followed soon after. If he'd had a reaction when he thought Roy was trying to hit him, why wasn't Ed afraid when they had kissed?

"We're having lunch... Would you like anything?"

Edward nodded, his eyes going up and down Roy like he was trying to take him apart. "Yes... That would be nice."

"Anything in particular you'd like?"

Ed took a moment to think as he propped himself up on his elbows. "Anything, really. Do you have sandwiches?"

"Yeah," Roy scanned Ed for any signs of outward timidness. He still seemed shy. Secluded. But this was a big step as far as Edward was concerned. He didn't seem as fragile, he seemed a bit more solid and on his feet. Roy unconsciously smiled. "I'll make you a turkey sub. Sound alright?"

Edward nodded, pulling the blanket to his wrists, he breathed in the soft and lingering smell of Mustang. He had been a bit upset when he woke up with Roy gone, but having him serve him lunch made up for it. Big time.

"I'll be back, then." Roy assured. "I have some books in my closet over there is you want to read while I'm gone." Ed's eyes immediately lit up with sheer excitement, and Roy found himself beaming too. How someone could be so exited about books, he did not know.

But he made himself walk to the kitchen and away from the room.

He had a turkey sub to make.

* * *

Edward's automail hurt. It hurt so badly.

It felt like someone was ripping it off at the port. His right arm was increasingly becoming a pain to move, white spots dotting his vision at every movement he made with his left foot. Only when his knee started cramping up did he realize there was problem.

It was warm to the touch, the nerves going haywire. His fingers twitched compulsively, and Ed started gasping for air as he made his way from the twin sized bed. He wondered briefly how he and Roy had both fit onto it, but a quick recollection of his thoughts told Ed he had been snugly set against Roy's _muscular_ frame.

Cursing his weakness, Ed got up on unsteady feet.

Something was definitely wrong, but he made no move to get for help as he stubbornly went over to Roy's walk in closet.

"This is a nice apartment," he mumbled to himself as he opened the door quietly. "Very nice."

"Isn't it?" The voice made him jump, and he turned around to see Riza leaning on the door frame. Ed instantly regretted his quick movements, clinging to the wall for dear life. The world was becoming a mass of colors, spots colliding with other spots. He sorted his thoughts out before returning his attention back to Riza.

She was looking at him with worry, her brows knitted together and her mouth formed into a tight frown. Ed tried to give her what he thought was a reassuring smile, but Riza's expression just gained concern. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he waved away her worry with a smile and turned to grab a book. Roy, apparently, had a bin of them. Scanning the titles, Ed picked out a copy of 'SCIENCE AND ALCHEMY, A HISTORY,' and plopped down on Roy's bed once again.

Riza closed her eyes as she sat on her own, a content smile gracing her face.

"Hey, what time is it?" Ed asked, curiosity making his question sound important.

"Ah, it's,' Riza checked her silver watch, "about two."

"So school's getting out in a bit?"

"Yeah," Riza agreed with a wry smile, "No point in going now!"

* * *

Roy walked into the kitchen with a skip in his step. He was happy.

Edward was his, and he would love him.

He would love Ed like he deserved to be.

"I take it that you're happy?" Maes handed Roy bread, casting a sideways glance at him.

"Duh, Maes." Roy smiled goofily, only when his happiness died out did he grow solemn. "What about his father, Maes? What can I do about that bastard?"

Hughes took a moment to think. "Do what you think you should do."

"You sure are a big help."

Maes ignored the question, holding up a finished sub for himself, and one for Roy. "Ah well, let's not worry about this now, Roy-Boy, you have bigger matters on your hands."

"Like what?" Roy asked incredulously. Maes was _crazy_!

"Like helping the guy you love." Maes took a second to think, "You _do_ love him, right?"

"Of course I do!" The raven-haired teen spluttered indignantly.

"Then let him know that."

Roy knew he would. He would make sure that Ed knew he wasn't just some infatuation, but the real deal. He would care for him, protect him, and keep him safe.

They were silent promises to himself, and real promises to his _boyfriend_. Roy grinned at the word.

It was a really nice one indeed.

* * *

Riza had left the room after her talk with Ed, leaving the shorter to his thoughts.

Why did Roy care about him? Sure, they were into each other _that_ way, but other than that, Ed could see no appeal. How could Roy love him? He was dirty, disgusting.

A murderer.

No matter how hard he tried to look past it, Ed always looked back at that word.

No one deserved to be burdened with him. Ed was like garbage.

He belonged in the trash.

"Edward?"

Only then did Ed notice that someone was kneeling next to him. "Oh. Roy."

His boyfriend handed him the sub with a smirk. "Hope you like it. But eat slow... You're kind of..." He tried to find the right word so he wouldn't offend Ed. "Skinny."

His golden-eyed 'lover' nodded slowly, taking the sub to nip at the turkey idly. It was good.

No, it was delicious.

Ed found himself moaning as he was eating it, Roy gazing at him awkwardly from the side. All that he could think was, 'He sounds so hot when he moans'.

Ed looked up at Roy. "What?"

"Nothing, Ed."  
He shrugged and continued eating, Roy doing the same.

However, Edward couldn't keep a statement at bay, and it blurted out. "Sorry for being a burden!"

Roy gaped at Ed's openness, searching for words. "Uhhh, how so?"

"It..." Ed put down his sandwich and stood, albeit a bit shakily. "It's not fair! I'm staying here and I'm not earning my keep!"

Roy groaned. "You don't need to Ed!"

He shook his head in protest. "Yes I do! It isn't fair! Not at all, Roy!"

"Me knowing you're safe and away from that bastard is fine enough for me."

"But!" Ed was cut off.

"NO!"

The finality in Roy's tone, mixed with harsh tension made Ed cringe back.

He sounded... He sounded like... Like Van.

It was like he was on autopilot again. Edward jumped to hide in the farthest corner of the room, his hands going over his head in surrender. "D-d-don't h-h-hurt me! I'll be good, I swear."

Edward was doing worse than Roy thought, if his reactions were this easily triggered and severe.

Everything was coming back to Ed. His dirtiness, his defiled name, his _unclear and worthless life._

He got up and made a run for the door, instantaneously being tacked down by a bigger body, he was held in strong arms.

"L-L-LET ME GOOOOO!"

"Shhh Ed, it's me."

"R-R-Roy?"

"Yeah." He smoothed down Ed's hair and hugged him again. "Remember you're safe. You're with me. Van isn't here... He'll never hurt you again..."

Edward's breathing leveled out.

Roy was happy he was able to help, though he hoped his efforts weren't going to be in vain.

**TBC**

**R&R**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello again. I don't own fma, Nynavae-chan is the bestest, and I like my ramen!**

**On with the fucking show~! A quick chapter for all you peoples.**

**Chapter Twelve**

Later that evening, Edward and Roy settled down on the couch to watch a movie. Though his automail still pained him, Ed kept on the straightest face he could, his mask carefully and strategically set in place. He closed his eyes and hoped in vain that the stinging lacing his ports would go away, but they didn't relent.

In fact, they seemed to be getting worse as time went on.

Roy pulled Ed into his lap, one hand holding onto Edward's flesh hand, and the other wrapped around his petite waist.

He inwardly smirked as he realized Ed would be pissed if he heard him say he was 'petite'.

"Roy?" The soft whispering of his name coming from Ed's lips sounded amazing, and he kept his want and desperation at bay.

"Yeah, Edward?"

He blushed scarlet. "Um... I need to uh, go to the bathroom."

Roy quickly released Ed from his massive grip and went to pop popcorn in the microwave. Maes was putting the video in the player, all the while humming a random song all of the people were singing these days.

Roy busied himself by planning future dates he planned on taking Ed on. The park... The movies... Some of the possibilities were endless, so he smiled. He really had gotten lucky.

He heard the distant sound of a toilet flushing, water running, and the opening of a door. "Hey Roy..."

The raven-haired teen migrated with his popcorn to the couch.

"Oh Ed! Come'ere!" Roy watched as Ed shuffled closer to him, and he brought him into a gentle embrace. The blond climbed onto his lap and settled there, his arms tucked against his chest as if he was protecting himself.

"You don't need to hide your automail..." Roy whispered into his ear, "I think they look cute on you..." Using his hands, he gently tugged Ed's grip away from the automail, stroking is fingers against the metal, even though he knew Ed couldn't feel it.

"I really really like you," Roy explained, his hands smoothing down Ed's hair carefully when-

"KEEP IT PG, PEOPLE!"

"Jesus, Maes! Try fucking warning us before you pop out of nowhere like a fucking ninja!"

When Roy had started to shout at Maes, he didn't notice Ed.

The short teen began cowering out of Roy's grip.

* * *

Yelling.

Yelling really, _really_ scared him.

All he could see was Van. Van and his _ugly, terrifying_ screaming. His yelling, shouting, massive hands, bruises, cuts.

Ed's silent tears made themselves known, and he feverishly wiped them away. _I'm so fucking weak_!

"Ed, I-I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Roy's apology made Ed snap back into reality, and he realized he had backed himself into the corner of the couch, as faraway from Roy as possible.

"N-n-no it's okay..."

A voice in the back of Ed's voice nagged at him. '_How could you be so selfish? Be such a crybaby when Roy is working so hard to be nice to you_?'

The voice grew sharp and edgy. '_And you don't deserve anything. You're worthless. Just like Daddy Dearest says.'_

_'Get out of my fucking head!'_

_'Temper, Edo... Why don't you just find a razor, hmm? You may have not done this for a while, but it **could** help your little... problem.'_

Ed pushed the voice away, anger rising in his throat.

Roy was right in front of him. "You... okay? God, I am _so _sorry."

"Don't apologize Roy..." Ed smiled sheepishly, his eyes peeking at his flesh wrist. The voice was right. He _hadn't_ done that in a while...

He shook his head.

He would _not_ fail Roy.

The silent promise etched it's way into his mind as he focused on the movie that had started playing.

* * *

Roy couldn't keep his attention on the movie, not while Edward was sitting so close to him.

He had never thought that _he_, Roy Mustang, would have ever gotten love.

Not an infatuation, but love.

It truly was amazing.

Every time he got close to Ed, his heart would drum against his ribs, a melody that was like music to his ears. And the usually stoic and cocky teen was blushing more.

Roy didn't know how to deal with it.

He _never_ blushed.

Well, now he did.

He dragged his eyes back to the movie... No, it was an anime that Maes had picked out from the store, something called Death Note... "What the hell Maes! I thought you had picked out a movie!"

"Oh but this is so much _cooler_!" Maes clapped once, his smirk growing.

Edward tilted his head. "What's this L guy doin'?"

He decided to not answer the question.

Roy would probably get the answer wrong anyways.

* * *

Once episode 4, or was it 5, had ended, Roy dragged Ed back into the bathroom to change his bandages. Edward sat on the toilet seat, his eyes trained on his lap.

"Shirt off."

At Ed's quick panic, he reassured the boy slowly. "No... Just so I can change your bandages... I promise."

He shimmied it off and flung if off into the corner.

Roy rolled up the bandaged, his hands skirting around Ed's skin as if to not make contact.

Well, he didn't want to, in fear that Ed would panic.

He then got to his automail shoulder. "Ed, is the skin around the port thing _supposed _to be this red and inflamed?"

Ed nodded slowly, though the inflamed skin, dizziness, was a tell-tale sign of infection, he didn't want to worry Roy... He didn't want to worry the teen who had been so kind to him.

So grinning and bearing it, Ed said, "Yeah. Perfectly normal."

"Nothing's wrong with it?" Roy sounded skeptical.

"Nothing at all."

**TBC  
**R&R


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey my readers! How are you? Well good, I'm doing fucking ****_fabulous_****. NOTICE MY BEAUTIFUL SARCASM. **

**Nynavae-chhaaaaannnnn! Dedicated to you, giiiirrrrrlllllll~!**

**I don't own fma, yeah... **

**SINCE I'M PISSED I'M MAKING ED'S LIFE HARDER! OH THE JOYS OF BEING IN CONTROL! AAHAHAHAHHHAHa**

**Chapter Thirteen**

Waking up brought great discomfort for Edward. He looked up at the white ceiling above him, his eyes watering at the staggering pain and stinging cramping up his ports.

It was raining outside.

And he felt sick.

His automail was getting worse, Ed realized with a wince. Eventually, he knew he'd need to contact Winry again, but it had been so many years... Sighing, he pulled himself into a sitting position, a cry flying from his mouth sooner than he could muffle it.

"Edward?" Roy's worried voice made him blink the pain away. He'd hold out for his boyfriend... Boyfriend... Even now, he couldn't believe someone like him had gotten a chance with someone like Roy...

Too bad Edward was always the unlucky one.

Even _he_ knew this wouldn't last for long.

He was counting his breaths.

The minutes it would take until Roy realized how wrong he was, until he realized how dirty and unwanted Edward was.

For a second, Ed panicked. School, school! No... It was Saturday.

"Ed? You there?"

He turned to look at the face of his lover... Such pale skin. Edward put his hand on Roy's cheek, watching as his brow creased considerably. "Morning Roy... Looks like we fell asleep on the couch." He tried joking, but the words tumbled out of his mouth morosely.

They were indeed on the couch, laying opposite of each other, they were both sitting up, bathed in the dove-light of early morning.

"Sleep well?" Roy's question caught Ed off guard.

"Yeah." A lie. He hadn't gotten a good night sleep in ages.

"Is your automail okay?"

"Yeah." _Another_ lie. Seriously, he was getting really good at this. It was almost pathetic.

_Almost_. But he had a good reason to lie, right? He didn't want to bother Roy... He didn't want to bother him with his meaningless problems. Not in the slightest.

Edward hoped that if he ignored his automail long enough, the pain would go away.

"Want some breakfast?" Roy stood, cracking his back with a responsive pop, he slumped over to the kitchen, a yawn stretching his mouth wide.

"Um. Yes, please... If you wouldn't mind..." Roy frowned. He sounded a lot more... calm and submissive than the day before, and it bothered him. At least he had gotten louder responses from Ed before, but now, he was whispering every word in a hushed and slow tone.

"Eggs? Toast? Pancakes? What do ya want?"

"Anything, really..."

Roy frowned again. "Pancakes it is then."

Ed wiped cold sweat from his forehead. Had he answered incorrectly? Did he upset Roy? Edward was still on high alert, if the raven-haired teen decided to start hitting him, he was ready to run. Though he really doubted it, he was still ready.

Just for when, he told himself. Just for when.

Maes and Riza came into the room, the bespectacled teen wearing ducky pajamas, and the trigger-happy girl wearing sweats and a white tee-shirt. Hughes gave a sloppy salute, an inside joke, and Roy chuckled, returning his attention to the food.

"How was _your_ sleep, Roy-Boy?" Maes' voice was suggestive, and it made Roy cringe.

"We just slept. That was all."

Ed flinched at his clipped tone. Was he really that disgusting?

Yeah. He guessed he was, all bruised and broken like a discarded toy, he really was no better than an old doll that nobody wanted.

'_You could always do_ **that**' the helpful voice in his mind chided.

'**_YOU COULD DIE_**_**'** _Ed's breath caught in his throat. No. He wouldn't make Roy see that. The teen had been too nice to him, and even though Ed didn't _deserve_ that kindness, he was going to respect it anyway. He wouldn't trample it or make Roy regret giving him the kindness, but he couldn't find much courage in him to stop cringing and flinching every time Roy touched him.

Edward disgusted himself, being so selfish in the presence of his... Boyfriend.

He truly was a revolting creature. Weak, ugly, and mutilated.

A ghost of his former self.

A part of Ed wanted Roy to help. To mend his broken mind and body, but he had fallen far past the breaking point.

And their was no salvation for the damned in his world.

You either succeeded, or flew too close to the sun and got burned.

"Ed?"

It was Riza.

"Oh. H-h-hi." He cursed himself for stuttering like a frightened child.

"How are you?" Her eyes gained a look of pity, and Ed tried desperately, oh so desperately, to push it away. Pity was an awful feeling. Something he never wanted.

Not ever.

But here she was, giving it to him all the same.

"I'm..." Ed didn't want to lie to her, so he settled for , "okay." Riza looked him up and down, her eyes saddening.

Could she see what he was hiding?

"You sure?"

"Yeah..."

Hawkeye turned around and grabbed a plate from the cabinets above the sink. She pulled four out, one for each of the teens in the room. Handing them to Maes, she skirted around Roy and dug out forks and knives.

Knives.

Ed screwed his eyes shut. He would not. He would not. He was _not_ tempted.

'_Yes you are_,' the daunting voice in his head said smoothly.

"No..." He whispered under his breath, quiet enough to where the other three couldn't make out his meaningless babble.

'_You **want** to feel the pain. You deserve it, you deserve to burn..._'

Ed shook his head sadly, finally gaining the attention of Roy. "Edward? Something wrong?"

He blinked. "No. N-n-nothing's wrong..." He trailed off, his hands tightening around his wrists. He would not do it...

'B_ut you **want**_ to.'

He shook his head again. He had no reason to... Roy was a such a nice person and...

"Here ya go, Ed." Roy handed him a plate stacked with pancakes. "Eat up."

"T-thanks."

He took it graciously, his automail pained extremely by the stress inflicted on it. He couldn't find the energy to care, taking a fork from Riza, he dug into it with vigor.

He was hungry.

Very hungry.

He migrated to the couch, his back pressed into the leather comfortingly. It was warm and smelt like Roy. Mingled with the scent of pancakes, Ed smiled with a mouthful of flapjacks, his smile disappearing soon after.

'_L__ook at you, you free-loader.' _The voice made him stop eating.

Suddenly, he didn't feel hungry anymore.

His automail felt heavier, his heart sinking to his stomach. He felt horrible. Edward felt like he could die right then and there. What was he doing to earn his keep?

NOTHING!

And this made his throat feel constricted, how had he been so blind? These people... They were too good for him, he didn't deserve kindness.

He was a broken soldier, still trudging along the path of war, and he didn't want to go on. He wanted to end it. Desperately.

"Ed, aren't you hungry?" Maes straightened his glasses, the spectacles glinting all-knowingly in the kitchen light. "You looked starving a second ago..."

Edward grimaced. Just his luck, the guy was as perceptive as ever, nothing getting past him.

"Nah...' He hid his face, "I-I'm good..."

"You sure?" Roy raised an eyebrow, Ed seemed to be as unpredictable as ever...

The calm before the storm, as he would call it.

'_No one would miss you, ya know_.' That devilish voice was speaking through him again.

'_No one would care..._'

Ed fought his thoughts. Of course people would care, right? With every second that passed, the possibility seemed to be ebbing away ever so slowly.

'_You'd be helping Roy out, you'd lessen his burden. Can't you see what you're doing to him? Your little **problem** is killing him.'_

No! Ed searched his thought for any sign of a lie, but everything he thought turned to the truth. He was only causing problems.

No one would ever wanted him.

Roy would hit him too, after all, Ed was a gluttony for punishment. He deserved it. Like always, Roy had every right to hit him, to make him bruised. He didn't _want_ it of course, but he was obligated as a boyfriend to listen to Roy.

To take punishment. And to take it with no complaints.

It was his job.

"I'm sure." He handed the plate to Maes, who looked at it forlornly.

"Ed? You're already skin and bones, you don't need to be any thinner than you already are," He scolded lightly, keeping his tone light and as polite as possible.

But Ed still took it as a threat, his head bowed in contemplative silence.

"I-I-m sorry, I'm just not hungry... sorry. _Sorry_."

Maes blinked, his mouth forming a tight line. "It's _okay_, Ed. Just try to eat more, okay? I can _see _your _ribs_ for goodness sake!" Edward nodded numbly, his eyes watering.

He wouldn't cry.

He wouldn't.

* * *

The rest of the day passed by relatively quickly. The four did this and that, busying themselves with simple tasks and games throughout the early evening. eventually, it became dark, the sky glazing over, purple bleeding out the orange tint.

Roy realized sadly that he had to study for a test on Monday, and being Saturday, he hadn't even opened his book yet...

It was time to cram, and he knew it would be an endless and sleepless night. He had to keep his grads high. No matter what. Even, he thought sadly, if it meant he had to ignore his blond boyfriend for a while. His grades were really important, and he had to keep them up.

It was going to be a long night indeed.

He started by cracking open his text-book.

Oh it was going to be a long night. A very very long one.

* * *

Edward didn't know what he had done, maybe Roy had finally gotten some sense knocked into that thick skull of his.

But one thing was certain, Ed knew he was being ignored, and hopelessly, he dealt with it through the night.

Hell, he even slept alone, cold and in pain, on the couch, refusing to take Roy's bed.

He tossed and turned most of the night, a vague feeling of foreboding tinging his mind. His automail was getting worse.

Way, way worse.

It was so painful, and he had a hard time concentrating. The automail ports were burning like they were being set on fire, and the pain laced through his nerves and up his back. Somewhere in the thrashing, incoherent agony, he fell asleep, falling into his normal nightmare.

_"Why are you even alive?"  
"Die in hell you prick!"_

_"Metal boy, metal boy, he's got automail!"  
"A disgrace to all human beings."_

The words hurt, but they never stopped tormenting him in his dreams. Ed lived on his life, over and over inside his head.

And it hurt.

But what hurt more was that Roy wasn't there to help him when he woke up.

And he tried his best to keep his sobbing quiet so he wouldn't wake Riza or Maes.

* * *

By the time the sun rose again, Roy was still awake, his eyes glued to the pages of his text-book. He growled and shut it with an exasperated sigh.

How he hated math.

He hated it with a burning passion.

stretching with languish, Roy stood up. It was Sunday, and he was going to use his day for catching up on sleep.

Not even Ed mattered more than sleep at the moment.

Roy scolded himself. Of course Edward mattered more... But he just...

Giving up, the raven-haired teen made his way into the bedroom, albeit disappointed as he saw it was empty. Where was Edward?

He sighed once more, his eyes burning. Roy needed sleep, to hell with the consequences. frowning, he plopped down face-first.

Man he was tired!

* * *

Edward crept up to Roy's bed slowly,not sure if he should wake him or not. Deciding on the latter, Ed sat down on Maes' bed for the time being, his automail aching and his face flushed. He tried avoiding Riza and Maes for the sake of keeping his secret.

He wouldn't let them know.

Not now, not ever.

Ed decided to wait for Roy to wake up, his own nightmare still fresh in his mind.

It hurt.

And it hurt even more that Roy wasn't there to help him. Sure, Ed understood that school was important, but he felt neglected and ignored, like always. It hurt more than he let on.

After all, he was just a broken toy. A chipped plate. A shattered class cup.

Worthless.

Meaningless.

Ruined.

Sighing, Ed brought his knees to his chest. How he wished he could just disappear, blink out like a dying light bulb. He couldn't though.

He couldn't take Roy's kindness and trample over it... he couldn't.

Though it felt like Roy was trampling over him in the worst way possible, he'd grin and bear it.

He'd have to.

* * *

Roy felt himself being pulled back into consciousness. He didn't want to wake up, he felt at peace. Calm.

His eyes snapped open against his own will.

"Roy?"  
He glanced to his side. Edward. Ed was on Maes' bed across the room, clad in his borrowed clothes and red jacket.

"Ed." His tone was harsh, though he meant for it to be soft and caring, he cursed his exhausted state vigorously. Ed flinched, his eyes scanning the room wildly.

For something.

For an escape.

"Go-good m-m-morning?"

"I don't see what's so good about it." Roy retorted sourly, his mouth turning in a frown as he stood.

He walked towards Ed, not understanding the situation in his half-delirious state.

Lightning flashed and thunder boomed.

Ed cringed helplessly.

'_Oh god, does he think I'm going to hit him_?' Roy cursed his stupidity, but his mouth had other plans.

"What the _hell_ is your problem?"

Ed backed up, his back meeting the wall. His automail hurt. It felt like an invisible being was shoving invisible knives up into the scarred tissue.

"Stop acting like a fucking crybaby!"

Tears welled up in Ed's eyes.

He knew this day would come.

Roy didn't stop. "Why are you crying? You _attention seeking whore_."

Ed let the tears flow."I-I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he whimpered. "Don't... _please_."

"I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING _HIT_ YOU! GET OVER IT!" There was nothing but silence, then, Ed spoke.

"B-b-but why?"

Roy's fury doubled. "_Why_?"

Ed blinked owlishly at Roy.

"Because I would _never_ touch a dirty orphan like you..." It was his half-delirious state. "You worthless piece of trash stop annoying me!"

He didn't mean it.

Roy really and honestly didn't.

Ed wiped the tears from his eyes. "I'll just be going..." He sounded so heartbroken, so devastated, so _shattered_, that Roy regretted every fucking word immensely.

The blond looked at Roy quickly before muttering a final farewell. "Goodbye Roy Mustang... I'll make sure you don't have to see me. Ever again."

He walked from Roy's room, and the dark blue-eyed teen couldn't help but feel like that goodbye had been their very last.

God, he felt like such a dick.

But he couldn't find the energy to care, so he fell back asleep.

Into the world where his guilt faded into nothingness.

* * *

Edward felt numb. He felt betrayed. He felt deserted, but he also felt like he deserved it.  
After everything he had done in his life, the blond knew nothing good could every last for him.  
Ed ran as fast as he could, which was more like a limp considering his automail had an infection, and 'bolted' for the door.  
"Edward?" Both Riza and Maes got up from the couch. " Where are you going?"  
He made no move to answer as he worked his legs to move faster.  
With a lopped gait, he limped as fast as he could out of the apartment complex and into the pouring rain.  
Rivulets made their way down his face, mingled with tears, and Ed made no move to wipe them away. He had plans.  
Letting the rain soak into his clothes, Ed shivered. He was in trouble, his automail already cramping and stinging painfully. But he didn't care, the voice in his mind dancing and frolicking in his despair.  
'You can do it now, you know. Roy's made it clear he doesn't want your anymore...'  
Ed agreed with it fully. He was officially unwanted.  
Officially thrown away, yet again.  
But that's not what hurt him the most.  
Ed blamed himself, for not being good enough, for not trying hard enough, and for not being useful enough.  
He couldn't give Roy what he wanted, so he was discarded.  
Ed fumbled with his right hand, his automail, and grabbed his razor.  
Before, he hadn't been tempted.  
But here, alone, no one could stop him. No one. Not even Roy...  
His hand shook, it trembled with fear and anticipation.  
Red.  
His favorite color.  
With one cut, he took a few more steps. It would be over soon enough. Over old scars, he sliced over.  
At first, they weren't deep, just far enough to give him the pain he craved.  
Soon enough, the cuts became deeper and more needy. He wanted to die.  
He wanted to die...  
Ed hissed as his automail gave up on him. First, his knee buckled, then, his arm gave out.  
He could no longer cut, and was left to bleed out on the sidewalk.  
A small smile graced his lips. At least Roy could be happy, after all, this was what he wanted, right?

He was doing this for Roy.

He was dying to please the teenager he loved.

**_TBC_**

**_REVIEEEWWWW_**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello again! Thank you for all of the reviews, though I'd like more... But oh well. Dedicated to Nynavae-chan/ Half Demon Alchemist. LOVE YOU~~~~**

**I do not own fma, nor do I own any characters.**

**On with the story!**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**He couldn't give Roy what he wanted, so he was discarded.  
Ed fumbled with his right hand, his automail, and grabbed his razor.  
Before, he hadn't been tempted.  
But here, alone, no one could stop him. No one. Not even Roy...**

**His hand shook, it trembled with fear and anticipation.**  
**Red.**  
**His favorite color.**  
**With one cut, he took a few more steps. It would be over soon enough. Over old scars, he sliced over.**  
**At first, they weren't deep, just far enough to give him the pain he craved.**  
**Soon enough, the cuts became deeper and more needy. He wanted to die.**  
**He wanted to die...**  
**Ed hissed as his automail gave up on him. First, his knee buckled, then, his arm gave out.**  
**He could no longer cut, and was left to bleed out on the sidewalk.**  
**A small smile graced his lips. At least Roy could be happy, after all, this was what he wanted, right?**

**He was doing this for Roy.**

**He was dying to please the teenager he loved.**

* * *

Maes kicked open Roy's door, his heart in his throat. "GET UP NOW, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

Roy jumped from the bed, his eyes searching around the room frantically. Maes took furious steps, his feet pounding into the floor. He grabbed Roy by the collar of his shirt and hauled him from the ground to eye level. "What the _hell_ did you do to Edward?" He hissed lowly, venom lacing every word.

To say he was pissed would be an understatement.

Maes was full on livid.

Riza came in next. "Maes! What are you doing?"

"Teaching this asshole a lesson." He pinned his eyes on to Roy and scowled with as much anger as he could muster. "He ran outside like he was being set on fire... I'll repeat. _What did you do to him, Roy?_" The raven-haired man had to think for a moment. What _did_ he do? It took him a few minutes, still dangling, to figure out just what he had said.

He went pale. "Oh god Maes... Put me down."

"What did you do?"

"I said something. Oh god, Maes. PUT ME DOWN!"  
"WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY?" Riza was shouting, Maes was shouting, Roy was on the brink of tears. How could he be forgiven for what he had said to his boyfriend? Nothing could undo what he had said.

A dirty orphan?  
Roy shook his head. He needed to find Ed.

Maes was still seeing red. "YOU BETTER GO _FUCKING_ APOLOGIZE ROY! GET ONTO YOUR HANDS AND KNEES IF YOU FUCKING HAVE TO!" He was serious. Never before had Roy heard Maes curse so much. It was really, really serious.

Roy was afraid though. As soon as he was set down on the ground, he bolted to the door. He ran for dear life, knowing whatever he'd see when he found Ed was not going to be pleasant.

Something was wrong. And he could feel it in the air.

Roy took the stairs, skipping one or two at a time, he made his way down two flights.

He was in on the first floor.

* * *

Rain greeted Roy as soon as he opened the front doors of the apartment complex. Rain. Rain and washed out blood.

His heart dropped and jumped, and he was starting to feel light headed.

_His_ Edward was lying face-first in a puddle of his own washed-out blood. He gasped, falling on his knees, and looked at Ed's still form.

No.

No no no no.

Roy pleaded to a god he didn't believe in that whatever he was seeing was some sort of nightmare. He felt his eyes burn. This wasn't some sort of dream.

It was cold, hard, reality.

Crawling in desperation, he got to Ed and tugged him into his lap. "No. SOMEONE HELP!" He was crying. Or was it the rain?

Yes.

It was a bad day for rain.

A very bad day for rain.

Roy let out a chocked sob. "No! THIS IS ALL MY _FAULT_! SOMEONE HELP, PLEASE! HE'S DYING!" His desperate cried rung out in the pounding precipitation.

No one was around to hear.

He'd need to save Edward himself.

It was all his fault.

Picking up the limp teen into his arms, he could get a feel of how skinny he _really_ was. Ed had two hunks of metal on him! He should've been heavier!

Roy also felt panic rise in him the moment their skin made contact.

Ed was burning hot.

Yet he had been in the rain for how long?

Yet another feeling coursed through him.

The blood.

It was coming from Ed's arm...

No.

His wrist.

And from where he was standing, Roy could make out the glint of a razor blade from a few feet away. He suddenly had the urge to hurl. This was his doing.

He was at fault.

Edward could be _dead_. His wrist... Scars were littered around the veins, and yet again, Roy wanted to heave.

Oh god.

Not him. Why did he out of all people have to do this? Roy was at fault.

Roy was at fault.

He was the cause.

All of it was his fault... Or that's what Roy believed, anyway. If he hadn't yelled at Edward, or said such mean things, then none of this would have happened. None of it.

He cradled Edward as close to his chest as he could, like he could reverse time and make everything better again. If only.

If only.

He started running, his eyes searching for a hospital... He knew it was down here somewhere... He knew it was down here...

"HELP! HE'S DYING! SOMEBODY, ANYONE! PLEASE!" Roy knew he sounded desperate, but he was. So he didn't care about how he sounded, he wanted to save Edward.

Desperately.

Oh so desperately.

He saw light cracking through the darkness. That was it.

The Central City Hospital.

Roy squinted through the rain, his panting coming out in uneven puffs. If he could get Edward inside...

Well, he'd worry about that when he got inside.

He could only hope with all of his heart that the boy in his arms was still alive.

* * *

Dr. Knox was leafing through prescriptions on the file counter when a teen, soaking wet, barged through the sliding doors. "HELP!"

He was on his feet in a matter of seconds. "Nurse!" Knox rushed to the teen. "What happened?" He cursed, seeing the bleeding blond in his arms. "Fuck it, get him to the stretcher!"

With shaking and trembling hands, Roy rushed the the stretcher just in time for the nurses to come out.

"Stand back, kid." One nurse, a girl with giant boobs and black hair, pushed Roy back. "Leave this to us, okay?"

He nodded sickly as he fell onto his butt. It was all his fault.

* * *

So many hours later, on Saturday, Roy was still at the hospital, his head in his hands, tears leaking through his tough exterior. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. He repeated a mantra of sorrow and hate over and over in his head, refusing the fact that Edward had tried to kill himself.

Dr. Knox was suddenly in front of him. "Hey kid?"

Roy looked up.

"I don't know what happened, and I don't really _want_ to know... But I think that you should now this."

The obsidian-eyed teen was at full attention as Knox continued. "Your friend, that blond, may die tonight."

He paled.

"What do you mean?" His voice came out was shakier than he had meant it to be. "What do you mean?"

"He's lost far too much blood... And I used to work in the morgue, and I know this type of thing. Suicide, that is. He cut too deep, and I fear for his life. I'm not new to death either... But..."  
Knox made a sort of grim frown. "I'm sorry for your loss. If he doesn't wake up we're going to have to pull the plug on him."

Then Roy's world came crashing down on him.

Everything had been looking up.

But then everything came down like a tidal wave above him.

**REVIEW**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey again... As always, dedicated to Nynavae-chan/ Half Demon Alchemist... Check her out! pleaassee?**

**I don't own Fma, you know that... *sobs***

**ON WITH THE STORY, AS PROMISED. And I've kept Hohenheim away on purpose, he's coming back very soon, my children bwahahahaha**

**And thank you sooo much to those people who like this, it means a lot!**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**"He's lost far too much blood... And I used to work in the morgue, and I know this type of thing. Suicide, that is. He cut too deep, and I fear for his life. I'm not new to death either... But..."**  
**Knox made a sort of grim frown. "I'm sorry for your loss. If he doesn't wake up we're going to have to pull the plug on him."**

**Then Roy's world came crashing down on him.**

**Everything had been looking up.**

**But then everything came down like a tidal wave above him.**

Knox gave the raven-haired teenager his space, fearing for his sanity. It was obvious that the kid was dear to him, and there was a great chance the blond would die.

But something else concerned the old doctor.

"I'm sorry, but this is important." He took a clipboard from the main desk and sat next to Roy. "I know this'll be hard, and frankly I don't give a crap, but you need to answer some of my questions."

Roy nodded, gulping down the bile that rose up in his throat. "I'll try."

"One of the reasons we can't keep him on support for long is that we don't have any insurance, money, nothing. We need you to give us his guardians number." Knox paused and chuckled, "But I doubt you can, am I right?"

Roy gave him a dubious look.

"Well Edward, is that his name?"

Roy nodded.

"Ah, well _Edward_ has some," Knox cleared his throat and clicked his pen. "Physical damage to the rectum and anus from... forceful or careless anal penetration. It might manifest as generalized ano-rectal trauma, hemorrhoids, anal fissures, and rectal prolapse. I have an, ah, question..."  
Roy's eyes tripled in size. He knew Ed had been violated... but...

"Has Edward in there been abused by someone... possibly his... Let's take a shot in the dark here... his father before?"

Roy didn't know what to say.

He didn't trust his voice.

So he simple nodded.

"And he has scars over his wrists, on his legs, and stomach. This has been going on far longer than just tonight." Dr. Knox wiped off his glasses.

"Can I see him?" Roy didn't bother hiding his tear-stained cheeks. He was too afraid.

He was too lost to know _what_ to do.

"I'm sorry." Knox apologized gruffly. "Not yet. I promise, soon enough... But I need his information. The kid's unstable, and until he is, no visitors."

"But-"

"No fucking buts. Be patient. I _know_ this is hard." He rested a large hand on to Roy's shoulder. "But your cooperation may just be what saves him."

Roy tried to stay calm.

He tried.

He tried so _fucking_ hard.

But it hurt.

It hurt to know you could be the cause of your only love's death.

It _hurt_ Roy more than anything.

Ever.

Eventually, he drew a deep, big breath. Roy mustered all of his courage and blew out. "Alright."

Knox gave a short smile, the closest to one he had given in a long time, and motioned to the clipboard in his hands. "His full name?"  
"Edward Elric..." Roy had to keep his voice from faltering.

"Blood type?"

"I... I don't know."

"Any other family besides his father...?"

"No..."

Knox tapped his pen on to the clipboard and sighed. "This is getting us nowhere."

Roy had to agree. This little information exchange they were having was getting them nowhere.

The doctor beside him coughed into his hand, "Oh! His automail... That's been a problem too."

The raven-haired teen paled. "What about it?"

"It's really infected. Really, _really_ infected."

"What do you _mean_ it's infected?" Roy, startled, fell from his seat. How much worse could his boyfriend's condition become?

"It's need to get his mechanic, if he has one that is, into Central. It looks like it's been infected for _at least_ a week or so. If not, more."

"Why...?" Roy sounded weak.

He was _desperate_.

Why did Ed hide these things from him?

Was he afraid?

"Yeas, that's right." Knox pushed his glasses up higher to the bridge of his nose.

They glinted, "It's really bad. It wasn't helping his condition, so we had to take them off... The ports too. Everything's completely eaten by the virus, all the way down to his skin."

"What are his chances?" Roy didn't want to hear the answer. He didn't want to know.

What if he was already dead?

Knox raised an eyebrow. "Do you _want_ to know?"

The lights hit the linoleum floor and bathed the room in washed-out white. The teenager felt dizzy and scared. His boyfriend. His boyfriend was in danger.

It was all his fault.

Did he want to know?  
Did he _really_ want to know?

Making his decision, as hard at his was, Roy nodded. "Yeah."

The doctor frowned. "You're _sure_?"

Roy nodded earnestly.

"Yes."

It was quiet for a few seconds, Knox breaking the news slowly. Roy tugged at his shirt nervously, liking his lips. What was the answer?

What were Ed's chances or survival?

"Well, to be honest, I'd say less than five percent."

Roy felt tears coming. He felt them trace down his face. No. No.

His Edward.

_His _Edward.

He was dying.

He had less than five percent going for him!  
Roy bit his lip and dug his nails into his palms.

"DOCTOR!"  
A nurse ran into the room, dismissing all calm and clarity from her step.

"Yes, Lust?"

Roy didn't even pay attention to the weird name, he just kept his eyes on the black-haired nurse that began to pant for breath. "The patient in room 103 **(1)**! His monitor's gone flat!"

That was Edward's room.

Knox bolted from the chair. "What?"

"His heart monitor! It stopped!"

**DONT HATE ME  
TBC**

**REVIEW.**

**1- I HAD TO! 10-October... 3, you knowwww 103**


	16. Chapter 16

**Ahahaha cliff hangers are fun! Don't worry my children (god that sounds creepy) I have some fluffiness planned! Kekekekeke I don't own fma, you know that. Uhhh. Yeah.**

**Dedicated to Nynavae-channnn!**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Roy didn't even pay attention to the weird name, he just kept his eyes on the black-haired nurse that began to pant for breath. "The patient in room 103 (1)! His monitor's gone flat!"**

**That was Edward's room.**

**Knox bolted from the chair. "What?"**

**"His heart monitor! It stopped!"**

Roy was pretty sure _his own_ heart was stopping in his chest. Ed's heart? Stopped?

"Stopped?" Roy echoed blearily. What did they mean? Knox shot down the hall, he shoes clacking against the tiles.

"It's a code! Get the other doctors to room 103! Now! Or I will fucking beat you all to death with wet chickens!" **(1)** Doctors got up from chairs, their murmuring abruptly disturbing the hospital environment.

Roy could only catch a bit of their conversations. "What caused the patient's asystole?"

"Hypovolemia?"

The doctors nodded to each other. "Or perhaps low oxygen levels?"

The mumbling increased as they strode toward's Ed's room. Roy stood.

He'd see Ed.

Ed would be fine.

Ed would be safe.

And it _definitely_ wasn't his fault.

Or at least that's what he tried to tell himself.

His Edward wasn't dying... No.

He shook his head, half-hysterically. No. No.

One laugh after another bubbled from his throat. It was all a bad dream! He was hallucinating! He _had_ to be! Edward was so strong, so unlike himself, that there was no _way_ he'd die!

Yet again, that's what Roy tried to tell himself.

He ran as fast as he could to room 103. Roy panted and ran, his eyes, still watery, searching everywhere for that damn door.

He turned around corners and followed the migrating nurses.

He peeked through the window.

Nurses surrounded Edward's limp and pale form, each trying to fix him, compressing his chest, trying, with no result, to send more charge throughout Ed's stilling heart.

They sent nervous, all-knowing looks to each-other.

Their patient was dying, and the doctors still couldn't tell _why_ the heart monitor had stilled.

Nervous tension filled the room like smoke and Roy prayed. He _prayed_ to something he didn't believe in.

He needed Ed alive.

Seconds drawled on into minutes, and Roy wondered why Ed wasn't stable yet. He didn't know _why._

Taking a deep breath, he calmed himself...

And Roy heard a small beep.

He looked up.

**_Beep._**

Ever so slowly, it sped. Beeps came at smaller intervals, and color began to return to Ed's face...

The nurses held a collective sigh back. The patient was stabilizing. Doctors wiped sweat off their brows. Knox, specifically, felt the most joy as the monitor sped up.

Ed was going to be alright.

More or less anyway.

Because it still wasn't confirmed that he would _wake up_.

* * *

Edward felt tired.

So, so tired.

Consciousness desperately pulled at the edge of his mind, but holding back and drifting back into his dreams, he tried his best to _not_ wake up.

It felt so nice to just be held by the dark, comforting black around him.

Since he felt tired, Ed chose to sleep.

He chose to sleep for _just a while longer_.

After all, what harm could it do?

* * *

Maes heard the phone ring. "Riza!"  
"Got it..."  
They were both worried.

They were both oh so worried, for both of their friends.

For the raven-haired teen and the unfortunate blond boy, they hoped with all of their hearts that they were both alright.

Yet as the hours rolled by, both of their worry escalated dramatically.

If Roy and Edward were alright, why weren't they calling?

Riza was at the phone, her mouth in a tight line, her nape tingling with fear as the hairs pricked up under her bun. "_WHAT_?" Riza shrieked shrilly, her eyes going wild as a feral growl rose up in her throat. "_What the fuck do you mean, MUSTANG!?"_

There was a yelp on the other line, a quick sob, and hushed apologies.

Maes chose then to intervene, fearing for his friend's well being.

He gently pried her fingers off the phone and stole the device, holding it to his ear shakily. "Roy?" He was afraid.

Afraid for his friend and Edward.

_"Maes... Maes please, don't be mad... I didn't-"_

"YOU DIDN'T _WHAT_, ROY?"

_"We're... we're at the hospital. Come here when you can... please..."_

"Is Edward alright?" He forced his voice to be level, to stay civil. Taking a deep breath, Maes closed his eyes and leaned back. "Please tell me he's alright, at least."

There was another short lapse of silence, where a soft, labored sobbing, sounded from the other line. Maes opened his eyes."Roy. Stop hyperventilating and answer me."

Another nearly silent hitch of breath came from Roy.

_"They don't know."_

Maes growled. "We're on our way." He hung up the phone with as much anger as he could muster. "Riza, we're walking to the hospital."

"But it's pouring outside!" She protested with a glare.

Maes looked her straight in the eye. "Edward's in the hospital."

She stood up straight. "I'll get the umbrellas." Maes nodded, and she hurried off.

Shit just got real.

But both teenagers were pissed at their friend.

Nothing could confirm if Ed was going to be alright.

There was a possibility that he'd sleep forever.

And ever.

And ever.

No one would see his golden eyes... See his nervous smile... Maes' heartbeat quickened.

No.

He was going to be alright.

And if not, he'd murder Roy with his own two hands.

* * *

Gold eyes gazed at a beer bottle. "DAMN KID!" He chucked the glass a the wall.

Oh, he'd kill Edward.

He'd finish the job he started...

But he just had to find the faggot first... And then, he'd have his fun.

And torture him.

Nice and slow.

A malicious grin spread on Van Hohenheim's lips. The funnest part of the hunt was the chase.

**Don't tell me anyones OOC, this is an AU, and Roy is gcrying because he's guilty. So they are not OOC... AU logic here, people.**

**(1) this is where the medical shit comes in. Look it up if you dont understand**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N I'm writing this on a loooonnnggg car ride. Be glad. I threw up. I know. Classy. I got major carsickness for you guys! I don't own fma, and this is dedicated to Nynavae-chan!**  
**Sorry the layouts all screwed. I didn't get to format it because of the thingie maggiger**  
**Chapter Seventeen**  
Roy waited. He waited for something. For news. For truth. For anything. Most of all, he waited for Edward's eyes to open. Sitting at the edge of his hospital bed, bathed in the sick white light of the hospital, he realized how horrible he had been. School or not, nothing was more important than his Ed.

He took a deep breath and grabbed Edward's hand. How had they gotten from watching Death Note to staying in the hospital? Roy could only hope. And he didn't have much hope of ever seeing the golden-haired kid alive again. Sure, his heart was still beating, but was sleep really equivalent to life?

The raven-haired teen scanned around his mind for everything that Ed would miss out on.

The list went on and on.

The hospital room's door opened with a deafening creak, or so it seemed, as it opened on the hinges. "Roy you really piss me off." It was Riza, and as she strode in like she owned the place, it only took her one glance at Edward's comatose state to fall into a spur of tears and sobbing. "You jerk!"

He nodded and his face behind a veil of hair. "I know..."

It was only a matter of time before Maes came in as well. He pushed up his glasses, the light glinting almost threateningly against the glass-like lenses. "Roy you're so dead."

Yet again, all he could do was nod and say, "I know..."

If the boy before them didn't wake up soon, they knew that they'd all fall apart. Ed was like glue, as strange as it sounded. You didn't notice him until he was all stuck on you. Maes almost chuckled at the thought. Almost. His distain for the situation kept him from doing more than quirking a quick yet diminishing grin. It did nothing to rival his usual smiles, but it still helped Ro feel like not everything was crashing down around him.

The bespectacled teen really knew that if they didn't keep the air light, it would be like a funeral, and then, Ed would never wake up. "Let's get some food into you, Roy-Boy." His friend looked up at him forlornly, death shining in his eyes like an expectant yet straggling notion.

"I don't deserve to eat."

Maes cursed, his hand flying out to slap his friend hard on the cheek. The sound reverberated around, leaving Riza startled and Roy astonished. "Get yourself together, Roy!"

The teen held his injured cheek. "Just give me a minute, Maes..."

The taller nodded, glancing at the clock hanging up on the wall. "Thirty seconds." (Can't resist)  
Roy sighed, bringing his hands to his face, he glanced at his palms. Those hands could have saved Edward. But Roy had been sleeping.  
Seconds ticked by slowly, Riza glancing between the two boys sadly before she rested her eyes on her own lap.

Maes watched the clock, looking back at his friend every few seconds to make sure he was calming himself. Roy looked so dead, so defeated, that by the time the thirty seconds were up, he decided to let him have his time like the good friend he was.

A minute had passed.

"Your thirty seconds are up, soldier." He used the nickname playfully as his hand went out to grasp Roy's. "Now let's get some food into you so you look semi-decent for when Ed wakes up." The finality in his voice game Roy a semblance of stability.

And the raven nodded solemnly. "Can I stay here...?"

"No Roy. You have to come with us, you know? Can't have you growing roots and sticking to the chairs, now can we?"

He shook his head and grabbed Maes's hand. "Thanks."

There was no response as they made their way to the cafeteria.

* * *

Knox leafed through his paperwork, spotting a page file. "Oh, what's this?" He knew he'd have to report that Elric kid, but this was a new development. His file had his father's phone number on it, and the doctor spun on his wheeled chair over to his computer. "Van Hohenheim, eh? I remember him now..."

His fingers flew over the keys as he hit enter. "Aha!" Reaching over to grab the office phone, he placed a quick call. One to a Jean Havoc, and one to Kain Fury. those two would help him on his case... Even though they weren't the best team on Earth, they'd manage.  
"Time to catch that bastard Hoho..."  
He snickered. "Oh Jean...How have you been doin'?"

* * *

Van was sober. Painfully so, actually. He had time to think, time to sort out a game-plan. Ed was so predictable it was almost laughable, and he mapped out the possible locations of said brat with ease.

It was so fun to hunt his pray.

The things he'd do to the brat once he found him... The man was sent into another spout of laughter. Abusing was fun, but killing was even more so. Taking his time, he packed everything in the house.

It was eviction day.

And Van was moving out, ready to fetch his worthless boy.

He tried to be patient. It was only a matter of time, he told himself. Only a matter of time until he would have Edward crying and pleading for forgiveness. Only a matter of time before the blond was writhing under him, begging him to stop. This time, he'd kill him. He'd do what he should have done the moment Trisha passed.  
But first, he'd have his fun and make good use with the body.

Stepping out of the door, Hohenheim basked in the late evening sun. Oh yes. It was a marvelous day. A marvelous day for bloodshed.

* * *

Roy stepped back into the hospital room with a full stomach. The steady, monotone beeping almost made him loose his dinner, but he struggled to make his stomach understand that 'the monotone beeping' was what kept Ed alive.

He was startled as golden eyes opened themselves.  
"Roy...?" Ed's voice sounded hoarse. Scared. "Why am I alive? Why aren't I dead?"  
"Ed? Are you awake?" He felt tears coming on. How many days had it been since he had heard that soft voice, how many days had it been since he had seen those eyes? Many days.  
Nearly a week.  
The kid didn't have his arm. Or his leg. But he was still the most beautiful sight Roy had seen in a long time.  
Ed found himself buried in a warm, muscular chest. "Roy?" His eyes were blank. He didn't want to be alive. Roy didn't want him. Roy didn't care. He didn't have a place anymore. Edward wanted to die.

"Edward... I missed you. Oh god..." Roy rocked Ed in his arms. Shaking, he sniffed, putting his own face on Ed's head. "Why?" The tears. Oh god the tears.

Roy was never an emotional person. He was strong, he kept moving and never showed any emotion. Well, besides his smirks and snide remarks. He cared. Why couldn't Ed see that? "Why why why?"

Ed pushed Roy away weakly. "Why?" He forced his voice to be steady. Roy didn't care. He didn't. Why should he show any emotions to people who didn't give a flying fuck? He needed to stay calm. Stay lifeless. That way, he wouldn't be hurt again. "Because no one. No one cares. Because I wanted to. To die."

Roy felt a shudder ripple down his spine. How could Ed say that? "I care Ed... I really, really care. I love you."

A stab in the heart. That's what Ed would have described it as. He felt like a needle was poking through his throat and making him immobile. This just wasn't right. He was supposed to die and rest in darkness forever. Roy wasn't supposed to care. He was vile. Disgusting. A bother. "No you don't Roy... Don't lie to yourself..."

"I'm so sorry Ed! I didn't mean anything I said, and you know that! I am so sorry, and I'll do anything to make you believe me! I love you. More than anything. More than my life!"

"NO!" Ed put his hands on his head. "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!"

Lust came into the room. "Why didn't you tell us the patient had awoken?" She growled, her mouth forming a scowl. Why was she a nurse if she didn't like people? Well, she just liked the seductive outfit.  
She was also a victim to her whims, you could say.

Roy jumped, wiping the tears from his face hastily. "Sorry. Ed's awake, you happy now? Go away!"

Lust shook her head. "I have to go get Dr. Knox. He needs to check the patient and get his medicine ready."

It was saddening. Saddening to see your boyfriend, highly upset that he was alive. Roy couldn't grasp it. Ed really was unstable... Letting a curse out, he turned away from Ed, giving him the wrong impression.

The blond flinched. Roy hated him now. Right? He should... He had so many reasons to. Ed needed to be hated by everyone. He needed it. He craved it. a creature like him didn't deserve love.

Lust hauled Roy out of the room. "You need to leave, kid. Just for his checkup and examination, okay?"  
In more of a pissed of state then before, he nodded. 'Fine dammit! Let's hurry and get him then!" He didn't want to leave Ed. Not even for a second.  
He was alive  
Alive.  
No, maybe not. Alive couldn't describe Edward. He was dead, but Roy would make it his job to convince him he WAS alive.

They left the room.  
Ed gave them one last, long look before the door shut.

* * *

Van ran to the hospital. He knew it. The little bastard was there. He called just minutes before, checking for a mister Edward Elric. That checked out, his son was there. Alive.  
A malicious smile twisted its way on Van's face. This was the most fun he'd had in a long time.  
The hospital. He raced through the front doors, took an elevator to room 103, and stopped right in front of the door.

* * *

Ed heard the door creak open, fear pulsing in his veins. At first, he thought that maybe  
Roy had returned. Or maybe Riza or Maes had come by. But as it became clear that the person behind the door actually made a larger shadow, fear crawled up Ed's spine.  
Who was it?  
"Did you miss me, fag?" His heart stilled. No. Anyone but him. Anyone. He'd rather die than...  
Lips grinded into his, a big, meaty hand crawling up his shirt.  
The world went black, a mini panic-attack making him freeze.  
And then...  
There was nothing...  
**A/N AHAHAHAHA IM SO EVIL!**

**Okay, review! **


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry this took so long. But I'm back, and blaaaaa! Dedicated to Nynavae-chan, and I don't own fma. You all know that (cries in corner) Enough of my shit, lets go back to the story!**

**If you don't like rape (I'll warn you when it starts) then don't read it.**

**I am not liable for any shit you think is wrong.**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Ed heard the door creak open, fear pulsing in his veins. At first, he thought that maybe  
Roy had returned. Or maybe Riza or Maes had come by. But as it became clear that the person behind the door actually made a larger shadow, fear crawled up Ed's spine.  
Who was it?  
"Did you miss me, fag?" His heart stilled. No. Anyone but him. Anyone. He'd rather die than...  
Lips grinded into his, a big, meaty hand crawling up his shirt.  
The world went black, a mini panic-attack making him freeze.  
And then...  
There was nothing...**

* * *

Edward felt like shit. He was cold, he was afraid, he was confused. Where was he? Ed tried to sit up, but found that his limbs wouldn't work for him. It almost felt like they were...

Oh no.  
His eyes searched the darkness pleadingly. Not Hohenheim. Anyone but him, he was unpredictable, and Ed wanted Roy. Why wasn't Roy saving him? Why wasn't he here already? The voice in his head told him that there was still time... _If he could escape._

Ed pulled on the restraints that bound his arm and leg to whatever he was on... A table? Yes, it was some sort of metal table, cold under his _bare_ skin. More fear rippled through Ed. He was naked. Good Gate he was _naked_. Now he knew why Van had brought him here... wherever _here_ was. That sick, twisted bastard! He twisted his arm with a vain hope. He wanted out.

He couldn't be raped... No...

"Oh. Looks like you're awake." Another shiver rolled down Ed's back. Van turned on the lights, and the younger was able to make out where they were.

Oh yeah, escape _really was_ futile. The whole room, it seemed like some sort of abandoned warehouse, was crowded with butcher knives and animal carcasses. Ed turned his head frantically as Van took another step closer. He wasn't drunk. There was no booze clinging to the older's scent. He was clean.

And that meant this would hurt way more than if he _was_ tipsy.

"Hey bitch, how have you been?" It wasn't a question meant to be answered, and Ed felt Van's hot, perverse breath on his neck. Anything but this. Ed would do anything.

No. Not this...

A wet, sloppy kiss, made Ed retreat into the far corners of his mind. This wasn't fair... This wasn't right... How did he deserve this? He'd... He'd...

"Kiss me back, fucker." Ed obeyed his father, though he would never think of him as one, and kissed back.

(RAPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE)

The tears wouldn't stop coming. They rolled over his cheeks as sobs began to wrack his frame. Van slapped him. "Stop crying, slut. Stop it _right now_."

Ed kept his sobs quiet.

He felt his restraints being loosened, and he felt himself being lifted, though not much registered in Ed's mind. He knew the drill... He knew it like the back fo his hand. When Van did _this_, he had to go blank.

But no.

This was different.

"Please. Please!" Ed knew he was begging, but he honestly couldn't care less. This was his life! He wanted Roy! He _wanted _Roy, not this asshole straddling him on the floor.

"Shut it." Van began to undo his belt buckle.

"NO!" The younger tried screaming, but his throat was too hoarse and dry, it hurt too much. "NO! PLEASE!"  
The sickening sound of a zipper being tugged down registered through the air. Something was pressed against his mouth, and it took him a moment to realize it was Van's dick... His...

"I want a blowjob," Was all Van said before shoving his member down Ed's throat.

Reflex made the bottom boy gag. This was so wrong. This was so wrong.

But he obeyed.

Shifting his head, he bobbed up and down, his eyes screwed shut, not wanting to look Van in the eye, Ed continued his rhythm.

"Look at me." Van commanded, "I want to fucking _see_ your face."  
Ed opened his eyes and stopped moving as Van abruptly came. His seed was hot and dank, and it made Ed gag. His 'father' had his hand over the younger's mouth and nose though, so he was forced to swallow.

Van looked smug, his face plastered by a huge, malicious grin that spelled evil and murder. "Turn around Edward." The way that Van said his name made him sick... How could it sound so disgusting rolling off the older's tongue? Ed complied, and instantly, he felt something prod his entrance.

No.

A shrill, pained scream bubbled from Ed's mouth. It hurt. It felt like he was being split in two. It felt like he was on _fire_, like his skin was being torched by an invisible flame. Van took him dry, a groan escaping his lips as he pushed into Ed all the way up to his girth.

As he came back out to the head and rammed in again, Ed could only collapse onto his elbow and cry out again, this time in anguish and misery. He was pushed back and forth on what felt like concrete ground. The skin on Ed's elbow began to tear, the only thing holding him up being Van's massive hands on his waist. He bit his lip, blood dripping in a steady flow to the floor.

Van pushed into him again.

Another scream.

He pulled out and grunted as he shoved again.

Another wail.

Where was Roy?

Nothing would be the same again.

* * *

"It's been two days! Where could he have gone?" Roy collapsed on his bed. He was miserable.

Where was his Edward?

His mind could only resort to the worst thought he had. Roy imagined Ed in a ditch somewhere, dead... He shook his head.

No.

That wouldn't be the case. Not now, not ever.

He pulled his iphone from his pocket and called Maes again. "I don't know what to do Maes."

"_We'll find him_," His best friend promised.

But it sounded more like a question to Roy. What if they never found Ed?

What would happen then?

**okay FIRST RAPEISH THING IVE EVER WRITTEN sorry ifitsucked,but I'm thirteen and have not had sex yet so I really don't know.**

REVIEW


	19. Chapter 19

**I know the last chapter was predictable and blah blah blah But it had to be done! If I hadn't done all that shit where would we be?  
No happy fucking ending, thats where.  
Thank you for the reviews, they make me happy. And don't expect too too much from this story. you know I can only be so amazing.  
And no. this story will not become a 'tragedy' I want yaoi romance, not char. Death ;-;  
I don't own. Blah blah. ****Dedicated to Nynavae-chan. Love youuu**

**Chapter Nineteen**

Roy had counted every day. Every day Ed was gone, every day he wad out of sight...  
His mind kept on making wild assumptions. What if Ed was already dead? What if... What if...  
"We'll find him..." Maes answered his friend's unasked question, "We will, okay?"

The pyro nodded slowly. His world was spinning in and out of focus, all because of Edward. How did one person have such an effect on him? How was it that his absence was what made him realize what he could have had? Ed was just like a drug, as strange as that sounded to him. Once you got to know him, even though Roy knew next to nothing about the boy, you couldn't help but feel drawn in.

The doorbell rang.

Maes went to answer, standing with a sigh.

Only a few seconds later did Roy feel himself being pushed form his daydream. A man, blond, tall, and muscular, stood at the door with a cigarette hanging limply from his mouth. "You Roy Mustang?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Well I'm here on business. Knox told me this was your address."

Anger bubbled in his veins. How dare that bastard of a doctor tell this stranger about _his_ Ed? "What business?" The man didn't miss the hint of malice in Roy's voice, and he backed down slowly.

"Woah there kid, I'm trying to help!"

He simmered.

"My name's Jean, but everyone calls me Havoc."

Roy disregarded the 'everybody calls me' and squinted at the man, trying his best to size him up. "Jean." He nodded curtly, "Sit."

The three sat. Riza was at the police station, so the three men - if you could count Roy and Maes as men - started a conversation.

Jean rolled his cancer stick with a finger lazily. "So tell me everything you know about Edward."

At first he was hesitant, but Roy knew this was for the best.

* * *

Ed was in a world of hurt.

He cracked open one eye, a flinch making his very bones shudder. He felt so out of it, that he almost called out for Roy.

Almost.

But when reality crashed into him like a ton of bricks, he was forced to come to his own conclusion. Roy didn't know where he was, and he was with Van Hohenheim. The monster that called himself Ed's father.

He closed his eyes and pleaded for someone. Anyone.

Ed wanted help, he didn't want to die here... He wanted Roy, he wanted to be with someone who loved him, who cared for him, who _saw_ through his mask. Edward wanted to escape and run back to his boyfriend.

Taking a deep, fluttering breath, he peeked up at the ceiling above him, only to screw his eyes shut again. His head hurt, a pulsing headache burned behind his eyes like wildfire. Deciding he didn't like the feeling,he tried to move, but that didn't work either. Pain laced though his spine and struck his nerves like electric shocks, and Ed stopped moving all together.

He didn't have his automail, he didn't have his dignity, and he didn't have Roy.

But another prospect of the situation terrified him.

Where _was_ Van?

* * *

Roy and Havoc talked for a while, about Edward, about his _father_, and about his abuse until another knock sounded from the hall by the door. Jean perked up. "That must be them."

"Them?" The raven-haired teen felt himself flare up and bristle in anger again. More people?! This wasn't some god forsaken damn party!

Jean nodded and moved to the door.

Almost instantly, a blonde girl zoomed in, wrench ready in hand. "WHERE IS HE?"

Maes put his hands up defensively. "Woah there, who are you talking about?"  
"I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS I AM GOING TO BASH HIS SKULL OPEN-"

The man who came in after her, a shorter guy with black hair and glasses, put a hand on her shoulder. "Sorry Miss Winry, uh, can you please calm down?"

Her attitude did a 180 and she relaxed her shoulders. "Edward," she elaborated. "I came to do maintenance on his automail after I got a call from a guy named... Knock? Nook? No! Knox, I'm sure it was Knox!" She clapped her hands after she figured out her little riddle and sighed. "Where is he?"

Jean didn't like where this was going. "This is Winry Rockbell, a mechanic from Resembool... And this is my partner, Kain Fuery. We're working on the Elric case."

Riza didn't like the fact Edward had became a 'case' for the police, but didn't comment on that. "All of you sit down right this instant!"

No one questioned her authority.

Everyone listened to Riza, and that was final.

Winry, though, didn't quite understand. "The Edward case?"

They all gave her perspective looks and sighed. She didn't know. She didn't know Edward was missing, and they didn't quite _want_ to tell her. She seemed... Emotionally unstable at best. Jean looked at Riza, and when she nodded, because she looked like the woman in charge, he looked back over to the mechanic.

"Edward went missing."

Her eyes widened, and she dropped her wrench.

"_What_?" She asked, incredulous. "Is this a joke?"

Jean wasn't finished. "And we think his father was the one who kidnapped him."

Roy's stomach plummeted. He had feared that...

But this wasn't good.

This was a serious thing.

He loved this boy.

And if Ed was in Van's hands, then there was no telling what could happen.

**Review!**


	20. Chapter 20

**I know my last chapter sucked but sighhhh I'm working on it. T^T I don't own fma, and you know it. Wah sad. But this is dedicated to Nynavae because she's amazing and all that! ^^ Sorry, i had to write most of this on my phone, so the spacing is kind of fucked up. And warning: I do a lot of Winry bashing, so I'm sorry if you like her T~T**

**Chapter Twenty**

Edward tried sitting up again, but to no avail. His back felt like it was on fire, and he knew why, too. Wincing, he pushed his memories away. Ed felt dirty and defiled, and even then he struggled to keep his tears at bay. No matter what he tried, he couldn't struggle against the ties that held him still.

Feeling trapped, Ed let out a gargled wail.

No one would rescue him.

No one.

He was all alone.

Here, in the constricting darkness of the evening, no one would hear him, even if he screamed. No one would hear him, and no one would care. His chances of escape were close to zero, and forcing himself to stop thinking about Roy, Edward slipped into a nightmare induced sleep.

* * *

Van looked at the sky with a deep smirk. Everything was going according to plan. He showed Ed his place, and now, he was sure no one would be able to save the little life Ed had retained.

He was like a doll. One that would do his bidding and stay quiet while doing so.

But Van had one more thing to go through with. In Edward's sleep, the blond had heard the younger mumble 'Roy' more than once... That raven-haired abomination needed to be dealt with.

Add he stared at the few clouds lingering in the evening sky, Van felt his malicious smirk deepen considerably. It was fun. It was fun to toy with other people's lives.  
It was fun to break them.  
He took a deep breath and got into his car.

The warehouse he had chosen for kidnapping Ed was in an old ghetto neighborhood. The only stragglers here were drug dealers and psychos, so it want like they were going to find his worthless son... He was in the clear.

But this Roy person... That boy he met on his doorstep...  
He turned the key and the engine roared to life.  
He'd have to teach him a lesson.

A laugh bubbled from his lips. He'd love to see the expression on the fucker's face when he showed him what had happened to Ed.

Van only hoped that luck was on his side.

* * *

Havoc jumped as his cigarette was harshly pulled from his mouth.

"Don't you know these things are bad for you?" Riza put out the ashes, her hand going through the air to rid it if the lingering smoke.  
"It doesn't matter." Jean's calm demeanor pissed the trigger-happy teenager off, so she huffed angrily as she stormed back to the couch, plopping down as she did so.  
"And you're supposed to be setting an example for the next generation, dumbass." Riza glared weakly and gave him the finger.

Jean rolled his eyes and shrugged. "I'm not old so I don't give a damn."

"Hey!" Roy interjected, left no room for arguing, and scowled as he continued. "We were taking about Edward here."

Winry stopped her pitiful, and down right annoying crying to take a breather. "Why?"

"Why what?" Maes needed to know exactly why Winry was crying, though he had a pretty good idea.

She sniffed. "Why would his father do such a thing...?"

"I don't know," Maes confessed sadly, "but all we can do about now is try to find him. That's why you're here. When we get Ed back, he's going to need some top-

notch automail to recover with." The bespectacled man winked. It wasn't a question.

No.

It wad a statement.

They would get him back no matter what. No matter the cost. No matter the obstacles.

And from his seat, Fuery swore that they'd get Hohenheim in jail at all costs as well. No one deserved the kind of treatment Ed had gotten, and they'd put the sick

bastard behind bars, no question.

Roy gulped. They'd find Ed.

They'd find him.

They would.

But the boy couldn't help but ask himself over and over again whether he'd be alive or not when they got to him.

* * *

Ed still didn't know where Van was.  
In the dark, obtrusive warehouse, he could vaguely tell that night was pulling its dark veil over the sky, and the orange air was bleeding into a bruise purple. Still, his stomach refused to stop lurching and his mind refused to keep on track.  
He couldn't escape with only two limbs, and even if he made an attempt, the ports were still sore from his automail infection, and he knew if the skin wasn't cleaned soon, he'd need the layer to be shaved all over again.  
Heaving a sigh, he stated up at the boarded ceiling above him, far out of reach.  
Edward was dirty.  
He was used.  
There was no way Roy could love him now...  
He stopped himself.  
Roy never loved him in the first place. No one could love such a vile creature.  
He had no use.  
No purpose.  
The least he could do was go die and save everyone the trouble.  
Yet even then, Ed still clung to his selfishness, as he would call it, and stayed pitifully alive.  
All for the teen who could never love him back.  
Edward chuckled lowly with no hinted humor. Like really was a bitch.  
Especially to scum like him.

* * *

Roy cursed as light blinded him from the outside world. Mondays. Mondays were the worst, he decided.  
Nothing good came from this day, and worst of all, this day brought school in its wake.  
He groaned, not wanting to deal with dicks, Jocks, and cheerleaders in his current mood. Girls couldn't stay off of him, and Roy definitely wanted his space.

Insomnia had also pulled over Roy's nights. He found it very difficult to forget about Ed, and when he did, he found it even harder to get to sleep at night.

Without his blond there was nothing.

Nothing but hell and lonely nights.

He needed to get Edward back again.

And soon.

* * *

Van chuckled. Oh yeah. This was the place.  
Before him was an apartment complex, one that housed a certain Roy Mustang. This was fun, Van felt like he was hunting. Hunting insignificant worms with god complexes.  
Now, the real fun would begin, so to speak.

**TO BE CONTINUE****D**

**Review pleasee? ^^**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hi again! Sorry, this chapter is also written on my phone, because when insomnia hits like it does every night, I can do nothing BUT write another chapter =^~^= So yeah. Disclaimer blah blah blah**

**I luv you Nynavae, so this is dedicated to her! Check out Half Demon Alchemist. Her stories (royed) are far better than mine and even more angst-filled XD**

**You people don't know how happy reviews make me. ^^ Just don't expect too much from this story. Remember.**

**I can only do so much.**

**AND OMG OVER 100 REVIEWWWSSS! XP**

**Chapter Twenty One**

Roy vaguely registered that the school bell had already rung, and frankly, he didn't care. At first, he was lost in his thoughts, which seemed to be spiraling out of control at best, because Roy couldn't keep his mind off of Ed.  
Sighing, he stood from his desk and nodded curtly at his sixth period teacher, Mr. Kimblee, who in return just gave him a wicked smile. Roy shivered.

That guy really gave him the creeps.  
The teen got back to his apartment, still dazed. He failed to hear the hunkering steps following his own, and failed to notice who exactly it was in the first place.  
Roy got into the elevator...  
Well, almost, anyway.  
He felt himself being tugged back, and before he could scream for help, a large hand was placed over his mouth.  
Well, shit.

* * *

Riza and Maes waited patiently upstairs for Roy. "Where the hell is he?" Riza barked. "Why isn't he here yet?"  
As soon as the door opened, Maes stood, thinking it was Roy.  
They were all a bit disappointed to see that is was Jean.  
"Where's Mustang?" He inquired lazily, raising an eyebrow with an impish grin. Riza, flustered, reached for her belt.  
She wad disappointed when she found no gun.  
Havoc wagged a finger. "Violence isn't becoming if a woman, you know."  
She shot him another explosive look that clearly said 'shut up or I'll kill you in two seconds flat,' and Maes knew that want an empty threat coming from their blonde friend. Jean shut himself up and strode to the couch easily, earning himself a wary look from Winry and Riza alike. What could the two girls say? He looked like a lady killer, and that was all there was to it.

Havoc took out a cigarette and lit it.  
It was taken out of his hand almost right after and put out.  
"What the hell!?"  
Riza shot him another look and sighed. "These things are really bad for you."

* * *

Roy wad being pulled backwards. No. No no no.  
The smell of alcohol...  
The blond beard above him...  
Those undeniably golden eyes...  
Van Hohenheim.  
A growl ripped itself from Roy's throat, and it sounded animalistic and ready to kill.  
The grip on his face loosened and he was able to attempt an escape.

Twisting, Roy broke from Van's grip and bolted for the elevator, his while world spinning and tipping like a see-saw. He didn't make it, but was pulled down with enough force to make him cry out.  
Roy never cried out.  
But this, this was an exception.  
He was scared.  
This guy had abused Ed for how many years?  
Where was his boyfriend, and what wad going to happen to him? There were so many possibilities, so many horrors Roy never wanted to even think about...

* * *

Ed had gotten free from the zip-tie around his wrist.

It was a feat, but the golden-haired boy needed to be talented in escaping...  
If he wanted to stay alive, anyway.  
Forcing the churning in his stomach to stop, he tried to lean forward to get into a more compromising position, but ended up falling back in pure, intense agony.

A shrill cry escaped his throat.  
God that hurt.  
It hurt far worse than the other times Van had... Used him.  
Like a metaphorical stick was being driven through his back, Ed groaned and shifted around. Even without looking, he could tell that his 'father' had left large, swollen bruises on Edward's hips.  
They hurt.  
His whole body ached from the intense pain, his back raw from being against cold metal for so long.  
The teen came to the conclusion that now, he really could do nothing but wait.  
Wait for Roy, or wait for death?  
At this point, he would take either.  
As long as he could escape from the pain, he'd be fine with it.  
It was sad.  
He was so young.  
But Edward was wishing.  
He was wishing to die.  
To die.  
Because nothing was worth living for.  
He was soiled.  
A single tear traced down the side of Ed's face and he viciously wiped it away. He was crying now?  
God, this was pathetic. He was waiting for someone to save him. Somewhere deep inside he knew no one would.  
This was why Roy could never love him...  
Because he was no longer alive.  
At that point, the blond became a shell.  
This way, Ed didn't have to feel pain.  
Ever again.

He would lock his emotions up, and he would never open himself up again. No one could love him. His purity was all gone...

Ed curled up on himself as much as he could, self-pity flooding his veins.

He was horrible.

He was disgusting.

But he didn't want to die.

Not until he saw Roy again.

Really, the kid was a living contradiction.

* * *

Roy struggled, breaking free from the grip that held him fast. The elevator dinged, signaling it's arrival, but Roy barely heard it.

His whole mind was having trouble keeping images of Edward, dying in some ditch somewhere, waiting for him, out. There was a spinning, roar in his ears as something hard was struck over his head...

And then there was nothing.

* * *

Edward woke up from his muddled daze again to see Van looming over him. He woke up long enough from his to see Roy, his boyfriend, slung over Van's shoulder like a rag doll. Ed's hand went up to meet the raven-haired teen when he was struck on the cheek.

_SMACK_

Van growled. "Fucking stay still, you fag!"

And Roy was thrown onto the floor beside the table Ed was on.

The young blond's heart shattered.

No.

He was the only one that was supposed to die here.

Not Roy.

Roy did nothing wrong.

It was only him.

Only Edward deserved to die.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey again! Your welcome for the cliffy, I knew you all enjoyed it *insert sarcasm here* and I don't own fma, you know that. I hope you enjoy my opinionated Winry bashing, if not, I really don't fucking care if you don't read it.**

**Because honestly, Winry is not a character I really like.**

**And no.**

**I will not make her have a moment with Ed. No no no no no. Sorry. Winry is like a phobia for me.**

**She gives me bitchitis**

**Dedicated to Nynavae-chan, who is literally all of my inspiration ^^**

**Oh good fucking Jesus. The reviews. *lights fireworks and does a dance* YAAY Over a hundred! I love you people! Like really. Every single review makes me oober-doober happy and I do little dances as soon as I get them. Yaaayyyy**

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Roy felt himself being lifted from whatever unconsciousness held him still. At first, nothing but muddled black clouded the space around him, but eventually, the black started to speck with colors... White... Gold... A rainbow began to form by the time the raven-haired man realized he actually had his eyes open already.

He blinked.

Where the hell was he?

His brain was confused and he had trouble differentiating and identifying the shapes around him. It was like his control was out of whack, like his inner self had stopped functioning.

Growling, he tried to get into a sitting position, but felt his arms, roughly held back, work against him. Looking down, he could vaguely see the itchy rope that bound him to a... chair?

Yes. It was a chair.

Roy's heartbeat quickened, his palms feeling clammy at his sides and his nape prickling uncomfortably, he gasped. This was wrong. Van...

No.

Shaking his head, he brought his dizzy gaze up and raked his eyes across the 'room'.

That's when his gaze fell on to Edward.

Bloody, unconscious Edward.

"ED!"

* * *

Jean sighed. "Where the fuck is Mustang?" They were becoming frustrated with the boy. It had already been three hours for Christ's sake! Winry tried to stand, but the officer gave her a pensive look. "Sit."

She sat.

Fuery gave his own look, one that was dubious at best, to Havoc. "Uh, why don't we go look for him ourselves?"  
The smoker stood with a sigh. "Might as well."

Pointing at Maes, he grinned. "You go with Kain..." He looked over to Riza. "And you come with me."

Winry, angry that she was being left out, felt herself bubble in anger. "What about me?"

Havoc gave a wry smile around his cigarette. "You stay here."

"WHY?"

Jean glared evenly at the blonde girl and stated matter-of-factly, "You're useless right now. You're our backup. And really, you have no other talent than repairing automail." As soon as he finished, Winry's eyes began to prickle with tears. He hastily added, "But don't worry about it! We'll find him."

The mechanic gave a short nod. "I'll make the best dam automail for when he comes back!"

Riza grinned offhandedly. "That's the spirit."

Maes smiled and opened the door for the rest of the team. "Let's go."

"To find Edward and Roy..." Kain whispered determinedly.

Everyone echoed his sentiment. "To find Edward and Roy."

* * *

The raven-haired teen panicked at the sight of Edward. No. No no no.

He was so bloody. He was so still...

"EDWARD!"

"Oh you're awake?" Roy's head snapped to the side, and he found himself staring into Van's eyes. Van's hypnotic, poison-gold eyes. He was struck cold. Frozen. Roy was frozen.

"Oh no..." His voice was shaky, gravely, sore. Like he hadn't used it years. "No no no."

"Oh no?" Van mimicked, his eyes going glassy as he reached for a nearby knife. "You ready for the show?"

Roy shook his head numbly. "No you fucker... What are you doing bastard-"

Van held the knife closer to Ed's throat, trailing the sharp edge up and down. "Make any noise and you can say goodbye to Eddie."

Anger pulsed through Roy's veins like a wildfire. How dare he. How _dare__ he. Ed wasn't some fucking toy._ No one... Not even Van could have any right to do _this_.

Hohenheim prodded Ed roughly. "Eh! Wake up faggot!"

A terse silence followed, in which Roy feared immensely for his boyfriend's well-being. This wasn't right.

Ed's eyes slowly cracked open, and gold, lifeless _things_ stared back at the raven-haired teen. taken aback, he struggled at the bindings that attached him to the chair. "Run..." His Edward whispered brokenly. "Run..."

He shook his head again. "NO Ed! No! YOU BASTARD!" He struggled again. "I'M GOING TO FUCKING _BURN_ YOU!"

Van smirked. "Oh? Is that so?"

"I'LL BURN YOU TO A MOTHER FUCKING _CRISP_!" Roy struggled again, and succeeded in loosening his arm, only to be stopped as Edward let out a cry of pain.

Van held his son's chin between his fingers, gave a sidelong glance at Roy, and smashed their lips together.  
Roy was so appalled.

He was so disgusted...

He was so _pissed_.

"Kiss back, or lover-boy ever here gets it." Hohenheim growled, pointing his knife at Roy, he proceeded to let Ed catch his breath.

"NO ED!" Mustang struggled again. No no no no no.

"I-it's okay, Roy... If it's to save you..." Ed's breath hitched mid-sob. "I'll do anything to... save you."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING ED-"  
This time, Edward kissed back.

Roy's heart constricted painfully. This was _his_ Ed. He... how could he give up his body so willingly to protect him? Van pulled away and stroked Ed's cheek. "You're so beautiful..." Another sidelong glance set Roy into another fit of hysterics. "And you're all **_mine."_ **

"I'LL KILL YOU BASTARD!"

Van hushed the teen, his hand going further down Ed's body. "Shhhhh, you wouldn't want Ed to be... _tarnished_, now, would you?"

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!"

Tears were already escaping Ed's eyes. "No... Run Roy... Escape... get... free..."

"You idiot! I'm saving you and that's final!"

Ed breathed deeply. "I.. l-love y-"

"Shut it, fag." Van cupped his cheeks. "You love me. No one else, understood?"

When Ed gave no answer, he was struck across the face.

_SLAP_

"I SAID YOU LOVE ME! UNDER-FUCKING-STOOD?"

"Yes sir..." Ed ducked his head, meekly answering his father's question. This was sick. This was so sick. "I love you... n-no one else..."

Roy's fists clenched. "GET AWAY FROM HIM, ED!"

The young blonde gave him one last hopeful look before kissing his father again, more tears trickling down his face in clear, crystal streams.

* * *

Jean and Riza exited the elevator, the small ping signalling their arrival to the first floor.

Not even five steps from it, Jean knelt by the wall, his hand running over the not-so-white paint of the wall. By the floor, the white was covered in blood.

"Hey Riza," Jean started. "Is there usually blood on the lobby walls?"

"No." She answered curtly.

"Just what I thought."

They made a few more short steps before looking around. The lobby was empty, per the norm, and even the security tapes were off.

There was no way of telling whose blood it was.

Growling, Jean got to his feet, his hand patting down his pockets.

"Looking for these?" Riza held up the cigarette pack.  
Jean put out his hand expectantly.

Hawkeye raised an eyebrow. "Hm?"

"Give it."

"No."

* * *

Maes led the way, Kain following his steps carefully and evenly. Hughes thought it was pretty funny. Kain was older than him, but still shorter all the same. "So Maes, how long have you known Edward?"

The bespectacled teenager smiled. "Ah, I don't know... The beginning of the semester?"

"Oh," The officer said slowly. "I see."

So far, Hughes could only describe the man behind him as kind, calm, and sweet. It was funny, because Maes was almost 100% sure he was gay. And relationships made Maes's mind wander.

"Oh Gracia! Want to hear about my Gracia? Well, she's not mine yet, but she will be, mark my words!"

Kain couldn't help but roll his eyes.

This guy really was a character...

* * *

Edward felt so sick to his stomach... Doing these things in front of Roy...

But he had to.

He had to save the only thing he cared about.

He had to make sure Roy wouldn't be... _used_ ... too. It hurt, it hurt because he could never look Roy in the eye again, but he knew he'd be safe if he kept stalling.

Ed's boyfriend muttered obscenities, his world ending every time Van did _something_ to him.

How could anything ever be alright?

How could they ever go back to normal?

Roy shamed his mind, because for a split second, he saw Edward as dirty.

Nothing would be good for the couple ever again.

They weren't even sure they would make it out alive, but here was Ed, risking his _purity_, or whatever was left of it, for Roy's sake. The raven-haired boy bit his tongue.

He could never see Ed as he same person ever again.

The image of them kissing was burned into his mind.

Never to be removed.  
Never to be erased.

Van would always be a lingering presence on the boy.  
And Roy hated that.

He hated it very much.

**Review!**

**TBC**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey again... ;) I'm back with another chapter. Look at that. Let me just thank every one of my reviews. I DO CHECK THEM DON'T think I'M IGNORING YOU GUYS! I just don't want to go answering all of them... I do not own fma, and you all better go check out Half Demon Alchemist's shit. She's an awesome writer. ROYED YESSSSS!**

**Ug anywhoooo**

**Next chapter~!**

**Chapter Twenty Three**

How was it that they had gotten here? How was it that someone like Ed, a nice, giving person, had to go through this shit? It wasn't right. It was down-right horrendous in more ways than one.

Roy tried closing his eyes. His Edward didn't deserve to be tortured like this. He didn't. He _didn't_.

He wanted to look away. For the love of gate, he didn't want to see this happen to Ed! Van... That monster was touching, feeling, and knocking Edward down to every level of hell imaginable.

It started with the feeling.

It escalated.

Oh so quickly.

To a point where Roy had to turn away.

He couldn't watch Edward anymore. He felt so helpless. He felt so fucking helpless, because he couldn't do a damn thing about what was happening to his boyfriend.

Ed was crying, tears rolling from his face as he sobbed away his pain and misery. He hoped he could. Edward hoped with ever fiber of his being that he could drown himself in tears and forget everything.  
But no.

Van would not allow a single speck of happiness in his son's life.

He'd make everything hell, up to the last breath the bastard took.

The older blond's lips turned upwards into a gnarled smile as he turned to look at Roy. Sweet, sweet sadness. Even the raven-haired teenager was afraid. Good.  
This was fun.  
This was great.  
Because he'd break Edward.  
Right in front of Roy.  
So he could never, ever be repaired again.

And he'd make sure Roy knew that it was all. his. fault.

* * *

Riza stood up. It was Roy's blood all right. Call her creepy, but she knew the exact shade.  
Maybe it was all of his cooking mishaps, or maybe Riza was a certified stalker, but either way, she knew Roy's blood color - she swore it looked different from the other O- out there - and she was more than sure it was his.

One nod to Jean was all that it took before they were both on the street, heading to the smoker's convertible.

Riza looked over the hood affectionately. There was a dog.  
How cute.

Jean scooped up the puppy and grinned. "This is Black Hayate. And he'll help us find Roy."

"Really?" The girl was skeptic. How much could a puppy really do, anyway? But when he led the black and white dog inside, five seconds after Hayate sniffed the wall, he reeled back.

And the pup was on the trail.

Jean looked back at his temporary teammate. "And you had doubts that Black Hayate could really catch his scent?" He 'tsked'. "For shame."

Maes and Fuery gave up on searching inside, coming to a stop in the lobby when they saw Hawkeye and Havoc.

"Hey you two, have any luck?"  
Maes gave a mocking salute-wave to Riza before fixing his eyes on the young adult.

Jean rose his eyebrows. "Yes, actually. Hayate is on the move."

Fuery's eyes brightened as he thought of the dog, and they all turned to find said mutt.

"The FUCK?" Jean complained loudly. "Where'd he go?"

This was _just_ great.

* * *

Edward couldn't stand how Roy, the only person he cared for, was watching. Every time the older man above him so much as touched his milky skin, he shivered at the thought that the teenager was watching.

And he probably thought he was disgusting, too.

Ed looked up, briefly, into onyx eyes. "R-Roy..." The broken voice made said boy shiver. No. this was in no way acceptable.

"E-E-Edward...?" Roy needed to make sure this was real, not just some sick, twisted joke.

"Ye-yeah..."  
And the blond could no longer talk. Because a moment later, he was knocked unconscious.  
Roy's heart continued to shatter.

"You bastard!" He shouted with as much vigor as he could muster. "YOU LET HIM GO!" Roy struggled again, desperate to get over to his boyfriend.

To help.

To save him.

A cold, mocking laugh escaped Van's lips as he took one agonizing step towards Roy. "Oh Roy... You don't know anything, do you?"

"Let me go! You fucking jackass!"

"Edward doesn't really love you..." The man chided slowly. "He only loves the protection you give."

"Stop!"

Van put his hand over Roy's cheek and grinned. " He doesn't love you... Not in the slightest..." Hohenheim turned his back to Roy and made his way to Ed. " He told me so, too."

"You're lying!" The raven-haired teen whispered. This was a nightmare. This was such a nightmare.

How?

How had this happened to him?

How had this happened to Edward?

Roy was only starting to realize how much agony the blond had gone through in previous years. This had been going on for a while.

No.

This had been going on for his whole life.

Swallowing the bile that hastily tried to climb his throat, he took a few calming breaths to steady himself.

He would not cry.

Roy would not cry...

But his eyes were already painfully watery, not obeying his wishes in the slightest. He watched. Roy watched as Hohenheim shookEd's shoulder until he came back to the world of the living. "Edo..." Van wad breathing right into Edward's ear... Right by his neck... Right by his face.

Roy wanted to punch his face until it became a mutilated mess.

It even better, he could light it on fire.

Yes. He would light Van on fire and watch him burn.

"R-R-Roy?" Ed lifted his head, using the only strength he had left. The pyro felt his heart squeeze again.

Damn these feelings.

He couldn't imagine how hard it was. How hard it was to live with Van. How hard it was to go though this all alone.

Roy didn't even have a clue as to how he did it, but he came a bit closer to understanding why the blond boy had harmed himself... Why he had tried to die that day after school... Why he had tried to commit suicide...

It was all becoming clear.  
The facts aligned and Roy felt absolutely ashamed he hadn't realized the big picture early on.

Van pulled Ed up by the braid, a groan escaping the younger's lips with a pained grimace.

"Hey Edo, want to hear something interesting?" Van's perverse breath tickled Ed's neck in a way that made him want to heave.

"G-g-get a-away..." The blond struggled briefly, his body squirming as he tried to get the meaty hands off his waist. It hurt. And it hurt even more because Ed knew he was dirty.

He would never be loved.  
Roy could never care for him...

"But my boy..." Hohenheim whispered huskily into the shell of Ed's ear, "This is really interesting... Don't you want to know what I'm talking about?"

"Get away from him!" Roy couldn't watch this. He couldn't watch his lover be tortured like this.

How many times would he have to wish for this to stop before it actually ended?

God. If there was a God, then he would have saved them by now... Our maybe, this was just the cost for not believing in him...

Maybe.

But most likely not...  
In church, they taught kids that God loved all his 'children'...

But if this was so, why were so many people suffering?

Did they deserve such sadness?

Roy thought not.

"Now why would I do that?" Van asked with a murderous grin. Ed could tell he was losing his patience by the way his grip tightened. Edward's head went back, a howl of pain ripping from his throat.  
It hurt.  
It hurt too much.

"Stop it!" The obsidian-eyed boy's throat was raw, and it took a lot of energy to speak, but even then, his voice came out ragged and hoarse like he hadn't used it in years. Maybe even centuries.

Another thing that just happened to be bugging Roy was his stomach.

He didn't particularly know how long he had been tied up, but his stomach was cramping painfully, and his legs and arms, still held tight by ropes against raw skin, weren't doing any better.

He was in immense pain as well, but nothing could compare to his poor Edward's state.

The young Elric was sweating, the beads meeting to drip down and off of his clammy, sickly skin. Roy could smell the sick from where he sat, a good five feet away. Ed smelt like curdled milk and old cens, not the best combination in the slightest.

Ed's hair was matted and dirty, clumped together in greasy, bloody clumps.

And his beautiful face.

It was covered in bruises.

Roy nearly winced. He hadn't really realized how bad Ed's state had gotten...

Even though his automail ports seemed to be fairing well enough, and Roy sighed seeing that, he still looked sicker than an old dog.

And he knew it was all his fault.

Looking back at Edward, he searched dead golden eyes for any sort if resistance, any shred of will.

Roy found none...  
Just the silent, agonized look that told him everything he needed to know.

Ed wanted to die, and it was evident in his eyes.

Van hissed. "Do you know what happened while you were unconscious?"

The smaller of the two silently shook his head.

"Roy told me something..." He searched for an adequate word. "... _Interesting_."

Said teen stared quizzically at Van. What the hell was he talking about?

" You see, Edo..." Ed hated how his nickname rolled off Hohenheim's tongue. " Roy told me why he became you're boyfriend..."

"Ed! I didn't tell him anything, don't you listen! Please!"

Van ignored Roy, his eyes trained slyly on Ed's. "He told me that he only became your lover out of pity."  
"Ed! Don't listen!"

"He really does think you're pathetic, you know." The oldest grinned. Oh how he loved fucking with others. "He told me so."

Ed's eyes widened. Van was lying, right? He had to be.  
_You were used_, a voice in his supplied.

Edward shook his had. No...

_He never cared_, the same voice echoed._ You're just an injured mouse. He's the hungry cat. Eventually he'll eat you up... And there will be nothing of you left._

_Just bones._

_And the stink of betrayal._

Ed shook his head again, and Roy stuggled against the ropes again. He didn't care that he was rubbing his skin raw, no. That didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was getting Ed's attention.

"EDWARD!"

The blond's eyes flitted over to Mustang's nervously.

Roy made sure to make eye contact, and spoke purposefully. "I love you."

Ed's breath caught in his throat, and he struggled for another breath.

The teen said again, "I love you. And don't go doubting me... alright?" When Ed kept his head down, Roy asked again. "Alright?"

"Alright..." Ed promised under his breath.

But Van still heard him, and backhanded Ed as a reply. "No fucking way you little brat."

Hohenheim tore the hem of his shirt, his legs going over Edward's to hold him down as he secured the make-shift gag around his mouth.

"Stop fucking touching him!"

* * *

Jean swiveled around. "Where'd BH go?"  
"BH?" Riza asked with an edge of humor in her voice. "Where'd you come up with a nickname like that?"

Maes pushed up his glasses, and they glinted in the light.

He had an idea.

"Well let's see. I'd say BH... is a dog right?"

"Yes." Havoc answered almost immediately.

"He's really named Black Hayate," Riza supplied dutifully as Maes nodded to her.

"Well Black Hayate is a trained dog, am I correct? Well, he should be, considering you _are_ policemen..."

"That's right," Jean gloated casually. "The best damn dog in the whole force!"

Hughes nodded. "Do you think he could be following a scent?"

Their eyes all went wide when the realization hit them.

* * *

Edward's muffled, uneven cry broke through the air.  
"ED!"

Van held his hand up again, ready to strike.

"Stop! Stop!" Roy was at the point of sobbing. He could only watch.

_He could only watch._

Then, an idea struck him.

"PUNCH ME INSTEAD YOU BASTARD!"

Van turned around, a smile gracing his face in the most evil, sinister way. "What was that?"

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH HIM AGAIN!"

A chuckle escaped the oldest's lips. This was hilarious.

They were struggling.

Another chuckle passed through.

They had no chance of survival.

Another.

Why were they even _trying_?

Barking broke through his reprieve, and Hohenheim arched his neck to peek over his shoulder.

"Oh look..." Van chuckled again. It was a puppy.

He would kill it too.

There would be no other survivor other than himself.

He would _kill__._

_And he would see his world bathed in blood._


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello~ Welcome to the next installlmeeennttt of Scarred! Are you exited? Well, you should be! I have a lot in store for you people and you know it! I don't own fma, *sob sob* and this is dedicated to Nynavae-channnnn! Check out her stories.**

**Heheheh.**

**I love my readers so much~**

**Chapter Twenty Four**

His boyfriend had been alone. Even if he'd been in his constant company, he always felt utterly, helplessly alone. Roy felt his heart drop, and he felt a frown crease his lips.

This.

This was the reason Roy hated himself.

He could have comforted Ed more. He could of hugged him, kissed him, done anything and everything for him.

But no.

He choose to be oblivious.

But no more. Roy was determined.

Edward was thrown down to the floor, his head hitting the ground with enough force to make him howl in agony.

He could feel his leg, though it was a bit numb, dig into the carcass or a dead cow. Everything went black.

And then, the only sound reverberating in his ears was the low, feral growl of a dog.

Maybe...  
Maybe Roy could still be saved.

The moment Ed hit the ground, Roy pulled at the ropes again.

Growling. What the hell was growling?

The teen knew it wasn't him that was growling, so who was it? Or what was it?

A dog. Van mentioned a dog.  
"Damn!" Hohenheim cursed as he raced after something Roy couldn't spot, a grunt escaping the man as a yelp came from whatever animal he was chasing.

A puppy.

It was definitely a puppy.

Hohenheim grabbed the damn thing by the scruff and tugged it up.  
"You fucking-"

The dog's throat produced another threatening growl, and Van tried to clasp his hand around its tiny neck.  
The dog swiveled around to free itself, but the oldest refused to give in or withdraw.

Finally, the pup widened his jaws and clasped down.

Hard.

He clamped down right on to Van's wrist, right to the point of drawing blood.

Blood.

Roy felt like he was going to heave all over again, but this was the moment of bravery, the moment he could use to save Ed.

It was the moment when Van was distracted.

His moment to strike.

Roy tipped back, the chair he was in tugging him back along with it. He clashed hardly with the concreted floor, a gasp escaping him add the air was squeezed from his lungs.

Roy wriggled his arms, ignoring the burning of his flesh as he tugged up on his chafed skin. One hand broke free, and only seconds after, he was groping around the darkness for anything sharp enough to cut the rest of the bindings.

Roy felt around the darkness until he felt it. The cool handle of a discarded butcher knife.

The teen felt a sigh escape his lips as he fumbled for a better grip, his hand shaking like a leaf, his fear gripping his heart and making it cold, Roy pulled it closer.

Cutting through the rope though?  
That was the challenging part.

Add far as he could tell, Hohenheim was still battling it out with the puppy, and Ed was still hopelessly unconscious.

So what was he supposed to do?

Well, even if Roy wasn't the smartest guy on the planet, he knew escape was the first step.

He had a knife.

He had it in his hands, and he wouldn't give in. No matter what.

Another sigh escaped as the ropes, slack, fell from around his waist and on to the cold floot.

Roy flexed his arm and wiggled his fingers.

Yes.

They were fine, albeit a bit frozen, but fine all the same.

* * *

Jean turned around and around, looking for that _damn_ puppy. "Where the hell did he go?"

Riza grimaced. "He found something and followed it, correct?"

Havoc nodded, hes eyes roaming to find where his dog had disappeared to. Riza closed her eyes and held out her hand, purposefully. "Your gun."

"My gun?" The officer reeled back, startled.

Riza nodded an affirmative. "Your gun. I'm going to find your dog, and hopefully find Edward and Roy as well."

Maes and Kain blinked at each other and grinned, while Jean looked at her apprehensively. "Are you sure she can handle a gun?" He asked, a but startled at the request.

Maes pushed up his glasses. "Oh yeah."

* * *

**_BARK!_**

**_BARK!_**

Roy took a step back, his spine colliding with the cold body of a dead, strung up pig, and a shiver went up his spine.

"Damn it..." He muttered lowly, ducking back into the shadows. That _dog _was still attacking Van, and for all that is was worth, Roy sincerely hoped the blasted thing killed him.

Edward was still unconscious, and fear spiked through the teen as possibilities flitted through his mind.

Roy stopped himself.

Edward would most certainly _not_ be dead.

No matter what.

Sliding through the black shadows, he made his way around the room, one foot in front of the other to search the darkness for any unseen objects. In one hand, the knife was still gripped as if his life depended on it, which it did. Roy's knuckles had turned white, his nerves and sweaty palms making it harder and harder for him to concentrate on holding the blasted thing.

He kept asking himself if he could do it.

If he could kill someone... But for Edward, he could. And he knew that.

Hohenheim pried the dog off of his arm, and it fell into a furry heap on the ground before springing into action again, this time latching on to Van's ankle.

The man gave an unconcerned grunt before collapsing, his hands trying desperately to swat the thing away.

Once the dog realized Van wouldn't be standing any time soon, he looked up to meet Roy's curious gaze, and pelted out the door.

Roy blinked.

The dog was gone.

Van was on the ground, his bloody arm and leg both masses of red on his body.

Edward was unconscious.

Roy was still there.

And he could save Ed...

Just maybe.


	25. Chapter 25

**Sorry this chapter took awhile, but I haven't been feeling that good. Even now, my stomach is killing me and I feel really crappy... You fuckers (I love you all) should be grateful ;D. I don't own fma fuckity fuckity fuck. Dedicated to Nynaaavaeee-chan~!**

**Chapter Twenty Five**

It had been seven days.

Seven days since Edward and Roy had been rescued.

And it had been seven days since Edward and Roy had been brought to the hospital by a frazzled Riza Hawkeye.

It seemed kind of unlikely that they had found the two just unconscious there in an old, more than dead-to-the-world warehouse, but Black Hayate sure had helped in the matter, for he had come back for Jean and brought them to Ed.

And Van?

Van had been arrested by Kain himself, who had pretty much been shaken to the point of watery eyes and hiccups. The poor guy had almost hyperventilated, but pulled through all the same.

Now, Hohenheim was on a one-way trip to prison with burly, muscular inmates that would be sure to give him a rough time.

Everyone was doing a lot better now that Edward was found, and so was Roy, but no one knew if the blond would ever wake up.

It was almost hopeless, or so it seemed, as every day, a crowd gathered around Ed's still, lackluster form to gaze wearily at his closed eyes.

Sighing, Riza walked out from the hospital room.

"How is he?" Jean asked casually but somberly, putting his cigarettes in his pockets and sighing, not in the mood to smoke. He put his arm around Hawkeye.

"Not so good... I don't know what'll happen to him if he never wakes up."

They both gazed sadly at the closed door. Jean frowned, his stomach churning unpleasantly. "Well the best of luck to the poor guy."

"Ed means everything to Roy." She said simply. "I really don't know what'll happen to him. I really don't."

"Come on." Jean grunted sadly again, tugging her along. "We got him food, so now we need to wait."

"But-"

"Edward will wake up, Riza. I know it."

* * *

Roy rubbed his face in anguish. "Ed... Why won't you wake up?" It had been so long since he had seen Edward smile, had seen his beautiful golden eyes. But this... This was all his fault... And because of Van, Ed had lost a lot of blood - Roy cringed because he knew why -and hit his head fairly hard on the ground when Hayate had come to the rescue.

Roy found himself drifting off by Edward's side...  
(flashback)

Roy looked at Ed, shifting uncomfortably on the balls of his feet. He had to save him.

He had to.

Stop the blood.

Stop the blood.

Roy tore some of his shirt off and tied the cloth around his bleeding head.

Stop the blood.

Stop it.

Stop it.

Roy muttered incoherently to himself as he began to sway. Oh no. Oh no. He was going to pass out. He was going to pass. out. His head hurt, and his vision began to blink out. Finally, he fell forward with a clunk and everything went silent.

Van was bleeding and injured.

Ed was still breathing.

And Roy heard distant footsteps thumping across the cement.

(end flashback)

"Roy?"

No response, but the teen nuzzled his head into Ed's hand again and ignored the voice.

"Roy?"

Finally giving in, the pyro blinked and lifted his head slowly. "Hm?" He muttered indignantly, wondering who it was.

"Time to wake up."

"Hughes?" Roy asked slowly, his world crashing back to him. Ed was still in a comatose state and no one knew when he would wake up.

The doctors said he had a 50% chance of making it, and a 50% chance of not. It made him clench his teeth and squint narrowly.

Roy looked at Maes again. "... What?"

"Roy-boy," Hughes sighed sadly. "Being a grouch isn't going to help him, you know."

"I know but-"

"No buts." His friend shoved a baggie into his arms with a wide, strained smile. "We went out for tacos and Kain saved you some."

Roy raised an eyebrow but curiously peered into the bag all the same. "Thanks."

Maes took one glance towards Ed and blanched. "Poor guy," he muttered mostly to himself before patting Roy's shoulder. "Stay strong for him, and I'm still mad at you." Hughes reminded Roy crossly and smiled again.

He did a sort of dance-walk from the room and was gone.

* * *

The next few days were torture.

No sleep. Roy refused to have a wink of sleep, even though his body demanded it fitfully. The thing was that he felt too guilty to sleep. Why wasn't it _him_ on the bed, and not Edward? Why wasn't it _him_?

I guess maybe it was due to the fact that the world hated Roy, and it did its best to make his life miserable. Or maybe it was something else, but Mustang couldn't care less about the fundamentals of the universe while his boyfriend was asleep on the bed...

Wait.

No.

There were golden eyes blinking back at him.

Golden eyes _blinking back at him_!

His breath caught in his throat and he tacked Edward, not even minding his injuries. Roy bit back a sob, but it came out anyway, choked. "Edward Edward Edward Edward." Roy closed his eyes and rocked his boyfriend, burying his nose in his hair, began to shake uncontrollably.

"...Roy...?"  
"Yes Edward..." He sniffed, "It's me, Roy."

Ed looked up through his bangs at him and cast his eyes down. "W-Why...?"

"Hm?"

It was quiet for a moment, but Edward clenched his eyes shut and let the tears overtake him. He had a headache, and the last thing he could remember doing was... "I'm so disgusting Roy. I'm so disgusting... Don't touch me..."

The raven-haired man wasn't too surprised, but he sighed sadly. "You never would be Edward. You're not disgusting."

"I let him..." Edward was looking at something Roy couldn't see. His eyes were _so_ dead, absent and longing. "I might have well _asked_ him to... do it."

Roy took a deep breath. The doctor had said he'd been sexually abused again, but he knew for a fact Ed wouldn't have asked for it. "No Ed..." He kissed the top of his head. "It's okay, you're safe... you're safe..."

Edward couldn't stop the tears that he knew were coming. They pooled in his eyes and dripped out. His throat hurt... He was hungry... And his head was giving him trouble. Most of all, he felt the need to die. He was tarnished. So ugly... How could Roy look at him? How could Roy touch him knowing he was dirty and impure?

"Let go of me..." He rasped.

Roy looked at him for a moment. "Why?"

"Let me go..."

Roy did as he asked, still wondering as to why.

Edward brought his gaze over to him, and they locked gazes before the blonde said, "I never want to see you again."

...

"What...?" Roy looked at Ed for a sign that it was a joke, but only pain shone in his dulled eyes. He nodded in understanding, his heart in his throat. "I'll go get the nurse... And Winry..." Ed flinched. "But you might need to stay at our apartment after," Ed flinched again. "But I promise... You'll never have to see me again."

Roy left.

Ed started sobbing.

It had to be done.

Roy deserved better than _him_.

Roy deserved a boyfriend without metal limbs.

Roy deserved a boyfriend that didn't self harm.

But most of all, Roy deserved someone that wouldn't be dead as he could move again.

**So that's all my little reader-chans. Your sempai (not really) says goodbye :3**

**review por favor?**

**~PAAAAYYYTTOOONNNNNNN**

**TBC**


	26. Chapter 26

**Oh ello again *nervous laughter* It's been awhile, huh? I'm sorry *~* I've been through a lot of shit these few weeks. One of the fiasco's happened to be me getting rejecting by one of the only people I've ever had feelings for! Seriously, like I didn't have enough self-confidence problems already, he just haaaad to flat-out refuse.. ._. I don't own fma... Yeah.**

**I think while I've been away, my writing has improved a smidgen.. Tell me if you think so too. ^^**

**Chapter Twenty Six**

Roy took a shuttering breath as he left to go find a nurse. This was wrong. He had a feeling that Edward hated him, that he hated him because of his inability to save him... Or maybe Ed just hated him because he thought Roy was a worthless boyfriend. Who knows? But one thing was for sure, the raven-haired teen felt his heart squeeze painfully and he knew he wasn't dreaming.

He had lost the only thing that had ever mattered to him in less than a minute. His whole world was shifting and falling around him, and Roy couldn't stop the tears from coming.

He didn't blame Ed, he truly was a disgusting person, he was such a worthless boyfriend, and he really couldn't put any fault on Edward no matter how hard he tried.

Passing the main desk with his head down, he heard footsteps and he raised his head high enough to make eye contact with a nurse. He muttered 'Elric is awake... Get the Rockbell girl...' And she scrambled to the general direction of his room. He sighed and left the hospital, gloom following him like a rain cloud.

His day was turning out horribly, but he let a small smile grace his lips when he remembered that Ed was awake. He was going to be alright, and through he wouldn't be able to hug or kiss him anytime soon, he still took comfort in knowing he was _alive_. Roy took the long walk home in complete silence, his mind weighing its options heavily. He thought long and hard.

He could go back to his ex... Edward could have been acting. He was always such a selfless person after all, Roy couldn't tell the truth from some rancid lie. From the moment the blond had waltzed into his life, things had begun getting crazy. He had loved, been in a life-threatening situation, and even lost. It was a benefactor he didn't want to see. Ever. Roy didn't want to wake up alone... He didn't want to go through his life with some sleazy lady or some rude guy that didn't give two fucks about him. He wanted to be happy... But Roy wanted Ed to be happy to.

The teen almost laughed at how pathetic he sounded. He was acting so _spoiled _and so _pitiful_. Where had all of his ego gone? Where had his confidence vanished to? At first, he thought maybe he never had those things in the first place, but with further thought he realized that once he had revealed his secrets to Ed, everything had come and crashed down, like burning flames. He had been exposed, and Roy's emotions had been flushed down the toilet.

Heaving a sigh that sounded to remorseful for Roy, the boy turned around and cursed.

It had started raining, and the pouring water upon him was a 'gift' from Satan himself. "Well fuck," he cursed, pulling the hood of his jacket up. Could his day get _any_ worse? No. No it couldn't. Well, he supposed it could, of course. Aliens could take over Earth, he could die, a lot of things could happen. Anything was possible, but Roy could only focus on the fact that he was such a _fucking loser_. For a while, he let his mind wander as he dawdled, neither here nor there. But eventually, he abruptly stopped. Roy's foot came in contact with something, and he looked up idly.

The hospital loomed over him.

"How in _fucks_ sake did I get back here?" He cursed and kicked the wall with his hands still in his pockets, his shoulders hunched. Roy sighed soon after he calmed himself down, his eyes still burning with tears he refused to let fall.

"Fuck!"

He didn't know how many times he'd curse before he felt better, and the teen really couldn't see himself _caring_. At the moment, he could only stare up at the too clean walls with disgust emanating from his very soul. It was horrible. Revolting. Hospitals made Roy Mustang _sick_. They reeked of death, permeated failure, it stunk of true hopelessness. If there was one thing Roy hated feeling, it would have to be hopelessness. The feeling of 'not being able to' made him want to keel over, it made him want to beat the living pulp out of anyone who dared think of themselves and _hopeless_. And hospitals? They were the very essence of it.

Now, he knew if he told Maes or Riza about how much hospitals threw him off, Roy knew they would only shake their heads and say something alone the lines of, 'Now now, Roy-Boy, you've got it wrong. Hospitals are good, they help people, Think what you may, but hospitals are like _hope_. We can't live without that damn things.' It was just another reason as to why he revolted them. They really showed how useless and weak humans were. Take away someone's ability to walk, their ability to see, and they're helpless to the world around them.

Once Roy was done calming himself down as best as he could, he steeled himself mentally and physically. He'd have to get back to Edward, surely. There was no way in hell he'd go back home after thinking it over.

"Goddammit!"

Roy seriously needed to learn to curse less. It was probably just a phase, like most things were, but he knew he cussed far more than most people. _Especially _ when he was feeling funky or upset about something, Even more so when he was _angry_. He couldn't quite place his feelings, or his emotions, for that matter, but he knew somewhere he was angry, or he wouldn't have been shouting obscenities as much as he had been. For another matter, Roy didn't know _who_ he was angry at. It was probably himself, but there was still a little glimmer of malice towards Ed, but he knew that was just because he cared for him. He cared so much, but being Roy, he didn't quite know how to channel his feelings. He was unbalanced in many areas of his life, and he knew Edward had a knack for evening it and smoothing his rough edges out.

Roy walked through the front doors.

_I'm crazy!_ He thought fitfully, willing his feet to move back home, willing himself to _not go any further_.

'**_Why not?' _**The voice in his head challenged, **_'Are you going to run from your problems_**_ **again?' **_Roy decided that he didn't _like_ the voice in his head because it told him what he didn't want to hear. There was a spark in the back of his mind that challenged him to head back to their apartment, but his voice wasn't going to listen. Not. For. A. Single. Second. The teen grimaced as it continued, **_'You'd make a terrible drinker, you know.'_**

_What's that supposed to mean? _Roy's feet led him down another corridor, down another hall, and up an elevator. His eyes wandered from the linoleum tiled floor up to the speckled popcorn ceiling. The only splash of color in the hall was on the floor, where every other tile seemed to be colored a pale lime color. The light reflected off of them, for they were too clean, and made Roy look up again. They were just too damn shiny.

**_'Because,'_**the voice seemed to taunt **_'You don't know how to deal with problems, you little drunk, you. I swear, if given the chance and age, you'd be dying from a hangover by the age of twenty-two.'_**He didn't agree with the voice, but didn't think up any sort of rebuttal to counter it. Sure, he wasn't the _best_ and dealing with problems, but he wasn't the _worst_, was he? Roy's thoughts were cut short as his face collided into a pasty colored door. Edward's hospital room.

"Hold still, Edward." Roy's interest was piqued suddenly as he edged closer to the door to listen in. He tried jiggling the knob, but it rattled back at him. Locked. So, forced to listen in from the outside, he put his ear up to the painted wood and decided to try to find out what was happening, At first, it was only the nurse's voice chiming through. It was always, "Stay still," or, "Please cooperate, Mr. Elric." There would be a whimper of pain, and the rustling of sheets in response. Eventually, Winry started shouting.

"Edward! I need you to hold STILL!" She sounded firm, but friendly, though Roy couldn't imaging Edward being happy with being shouted at like that.

He rapped his fist on the door, not realizing he had until the damage was done and the lock was turned from the other side, a click ringing through the quiet space.

Winry's blonde head popped through the space and she glared up at him. "What do you want?"

"Let me in, I want to help."

**Dun Dun Dun. Alright. Review.**

**TBC ^^**


	27. Chapter 27

**Eguuuhghhg I'm so sorry this took so long. School starts tomorrow and I've been feeling really horrible lately, so you can blame the update status on my mood. I'm probably going to have really mean teachers and urg *crieesss* Update: Second week of school over and done with***

**I don't own FMA**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

"Hold still, Edward." Roy's interest was piqued suddenly as he edged closer to the door to listen in. He tried jiggling the knob, but it rattled back at him. Locked. So, forced to listen in from the outside, he put his ear up to the painted wood and decided to try to find out what was happening, At first, it was only the nurse's voice chiming through. It was always, "Stay still," or, "Please cooperate, Mr. Elric." There would be a whimper of pain, and the rustling of sheets in response. Eventually, Winry started shouting.

"Edward! I need you to hold STILL!" She sounded firm, but friendly, though Roy couldn't imaging Edward being happy with being shouted at like that.

He rapped his fist on the door, not realizing he had until the damage was done and the lock was turned from the other side, a click ringing through the quiet.

Winry's blonde head popped through the space and she glared up at him. "What do you want?"

"Let me in, I want to help."

"What are you, crazy?" Winry pinned her glare on to Roy and growled lowly. "Seriously, Mustang, what could _you_ do?" They both stared at each other. Roy, shocked and a bit afraid for his well being, gulped and looked away. His stomach was a churning mess that wouldn't calm down, and his head was spinning. He hadn't expected any of this to happen. Ever.

"Just let me through," His voice came out half-pleadingly as he searched Winry's face for a glimmer of hope. Her eyes twinkled for a second and she nodded sullenly, giving in. The girl stepped back to give him room, and he slid in through the crack. "Ed..." The whisper died in his throat. On the bed he was trashing, crying, resisting any sort of touch. His heart wrenched and his stomach gave a squeeze. Before he knew it, he was standing beside the bed shushing Edward. "Ed... Ed... Calm down.. they're trying to help you."

He breathed in heavily and turned his eyes, almost feral, on Roy. Primal and panicked, he looked ready to die, which Roy didn't like to see one bit. He shimmied a bit closer to Ed and held his hands out. "Shh Ed... Sh..."

His breathing began to puff, and before he knew it, Ed was almost hyperventilating, his breath shuttering in short gasps as he tried to move away. A hand laid itself down on the blonde's shoulder...

but instead of jumping, he found himself melting into it

...this was strange. After Van's touches, he didn't think he'd be able to stand contact ever again. But here Roy was, making all of the _hate_ and _self loathing _and _disgust_ disappear. He relaxed, and closed his eyes. "Now Winry."  
They opened, a bit less dull.

"I'm ready."

It would be a long road, and surely a tough one.

But Roy was here.

Roy would keep him safe.

From the scars of his past, from the terror of his future.

It would all be alright.

Then, the surgery began.

* * *

EPILOGUE

Roy opened his eyes to see his lover sleeping soundly at his hip. He smiled, leaning to Ed with a groan and a little moan of protest from his husband. Placing a gentle kiss on his temple, he sat up and stretched.

It was a great day for sunshine.

It was their five year anniversary.

Everything was great, Ed's automail was doing fine, and he was slowly losing his fear of contact.

Roy would love him forever and always.

Because they were one.

They were meant to be together.

And Roy could kiss all of his sadness away.

"Mmm... Roy?"

"Morning Love."

"Morning..."

"I love you." There was a short pause, and Roy looked down at Ed's flushed face. _God he's so beautiful._ He smirked. _And he's all mine._

"Love you too you conceited bastard."

_FIN_

**_Sorry the ending sucked, but there it is! My story has grown and it's done with *sobs*_**

**_Thanks for sticking by me my friends~_**


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